Home
by Sarcasmhasaface
Summary: Renesmee left her small home town in hopes of doing bigger and better things. Four years later boyfriendless, broke, and homeless. She does the one thing she fears the most going home. She runs into an old friend named Jacob and grows feelings for him.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I constantly have like a billion ideas floating around in my head. So yeah, this is another result of an overactive imagination.**

Chapter 1: Struggling

My life has become a horrible, sick, dumb, idiotic romantic comedy type of movie. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me out of nowhere saying, "I don't see us going anywhere." He really meant, "I want to fuck other people. Get out." he did just that he fucked other people and kicked me out of our two bedroom apartment.

I know you're wondering well didn't you pay the rent. Um well no, Nahuel covered all of that. Nahuel and I go way back if you will. My senior year of high school I had this bug huge dream of becoming some big time TV show producer. I knew the only way to really achieve that dream was to haul ass out of my small town of Forks, Washington. I went down south to California and ended up on the Boulevard of Broken dreams.

I was dead beat broke no money for rent, I didn't have a college education because I was so damn happy to leave high school that my only thought was: _Screw this knowledge thing. Your going to be a star!_

Three years later being wiser and more mature I realize I was a total idiot for assuming this.

I Met Nahuel at a bar I was working at. I had become a waiter at fairly high class restaurant and I met him during my first shift. He was charming, Latin, sexy, suave. Everything a girl could dream of, it also didn't help that his aunt was a huge movie star who practically raised him after his mother died. So he inherited cash from her, Nahuel wasn't necessarily a trust fund baby. That E-Class Mercedes Benz parked out of front was his trust me.

Nahuel worked for almost everything he got. He was working on the set of some movies doing script supervising. Before I knew it he asked me out and I totally agreed. I kept in good contact with Forks I went home for Christmas to visit my dad in all but no one ever liked Nahuel.

I ignored everyone because I was in love with him. Well at least I thought I was.

"Renesmee your break is over." I let out a depressed sigh. Nahuel broke up with me a year ago. We left on good terms but that didn't stop me from being a little bit bitter. I was mainly mad at myself, I did the classic fool in love move. I let the guy take care of me, then he broke up with me and I fell flat on my ass.

I walk over to my counter and turn on the light so my lane is open. I sadly am working at the local grocery store. I am renting an apartment in northern California. I've been attempting to do online classes but that hasn't been doing too well.

_I dropped out this morning. _

"That'll be $50.29" I say in a monotone voice. I hate my job but I mainly hate myself for not getting an education and letting some guy sweep me off of my feet. So when he dropped me I fell hard. The lady with her three kids pays for the grocery's and leaves. Not without the four year old knocking down the pyramid of toilet paper I stacked this morning.

I fight the anger and yell into the intercom for someone to fucking clean it up. My boss shoots me the "stop it" look and I obey and continue running the register. At the end of the day as I'm folding my tacky navy blue vest one of my few friends in California comes over.

"Thank god the day is over." Mary huffs. Don't let the name Mary fool you Mary is a firecracker constantly has an answer for everything. And I mean _everything_. She's not allowed to work the registers anymore, she got too many complaints on horrible customer service.

_How she hasn't been fired yet is a mystery._

"T.G.I.F" David mumbles under his breath.

David is the sixteen year old kid who is in the closet if you know what I mean. He has yet to tell his parents he's gay. But everyone knows he not straight, it's incredibly obvious that he's gay. David's parents are extremely oblivious.

"So what are you doing this Friday night Ness?" Mary asks with her green eyes shining with joy. Mary has light green eyes with long blonde hair that reaches her waist. She has the body that makes guys pause in the middle of the street. She's literally stop traffic pretty.

"Another night of watching re runs of Friends. What about you?" I ask closing my locker and pulling out my huge over the shoulder bag.

"I'm going out on this date with this guy named Vincent. He's really dreamy, in fact he has a friend." Mary wiggles her eyebrows in a mischievous way.

"Hell no." is all I say while walking out of the back door with David and Mary trailing behind me.

"Why not Ness! He's really cute I mean his friend is kind of immature. But I think you can totally get past the whole he lives with his mom thing." Mary reasons while standing in front of me. David is silently holding in his laughter as I deny Mary's oh so tempting offer.

"No Mary."

"Dude why not?" she asks.

"Well let's see the last two you guys you hooked me up with all had some weird random problem. The first guy Lenny showed me his porno collection on the first night. The other one Jason had his girlfriend call during our date. So I think not going with any of your choices is fitting." I say with a smirk.

Mary looks shocked that all of this happened.

"Lenny really showed you his porno collection?" she asks not getting the point. I let out a huge sigh and David begins laughing.

"David what are you doing?" Mary asks with that devious look in her eyes.

"Oh no I'm not going out with any of the guys you suggest. They all sound like creepers." David walks to his car and drives off. Mary scoffs and runs to the bus stop saying she'll call me later.

I get in my rigidity Pontiac and drive to my apartment which is literally a ten minute drive away from my house. I get out and walk into the building. The building isn't fancy but it isn't in the projects so I'm okay. I walk sluggishly up the stairs until I come to my door.

My door is a hideous burgundy with chipping paint. The number on my door is a forty seven with the seven hanging off the door slightly. I sigh and unlock the door walking into my even shitter apartment. The carpet is throw up orange the walls are lime green. I only have one room, my bedroom which is painted a strange yellow. My bathroom has some fifties style to it.

After that it's a cramped living room and kitchen. I guess I should just be proud that I have a house instead of being on the streets. I throw on my pajamas and look into the fridge find a bucket of vanilla ice cream. I don't even get a bowl I just pour the chocolate syrup all over it. I find the caramel, nuts, and whip cream.

Find the biggest spoon I can and fall on my lumpy purple couch. I switch on the TV. It's a mircale that I can afford cable so I take great advantage of it. I turn to Friends and wallow in self pity. Suddenly my phone starts buzzing, I walk into the kitchen where the only phone in the apartment is located.

"Yellow?" I answer.

"Ugh that is so lame Ness don't do that." my older sister says truly disgusted on the other line.

I frown knowing Bella is about to tell me a shit load of things I don't want to hear. Everyone knows Nahuel and I broke up. Let's just say no one was disappointed. One thing that I left out was that I'm broke as a joke though when I mentioned the break up.

"Hello to you too big sister." I say sarcastically while sitting on the green counter. If you haven't noticed my apartment was designed in the fucking seventies. Bella sighs dramatically and I know she is about to jump into a huge story.

"I think you should come home." she says bluntly. I groan. We have had this talk several times. It always ends the same way, I cuss Bella out for not letting me spread my wings. Bella claims I'm an immature egghead and we don't talk for at least a week.

"No Bella. I have some things happening for me up here in L.A." I say while playing with the cord on the phone.

"Bullshit your broke Ness." my eyes go wide in shock. _How did she know?_

"What?" I say like that is totally beneath me.

"Renesmee trust me you didn't go to college or do anything else with your life. You are at a dead end. Which is exactly why coming to Forks is such a good idea. Get a job, go to school, get a little house. It'll be perfect besides I haven't seen my little sister since Christmas of two years ago." I frown into the phone.

Bella is amazing when it comes to guilt trips.

"Bella I have no money to get there." I say while placing the phone down for a second and speeding off to the couch to grab my bucket of ice cream. I spent ten bucks on this. I'd rather die than let it go to waist.

"I'll send you money. Ness please just come home we miss you. Charlie really misses you." She's serious she brought Charlie into it. To say my dad wasn't happy about me moving to California was an understatement. He hated it, he especially thought that me not going to the college route was irresponsible.

Being a teenager who longed for freedom I ignored him and said he would get over it. Little did I know daddy was right, College equals cash in this day in age.

"No I can't accept your money." I say with a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.

"Ness swallow your got damn pride and food and come up here." I roll my eyes this is so not going to work out for her.

"Nope." I say popping the p while dangling my legs over the counter.

"You are such a brat." she grumbles.

"I think I get it from you." I say with a chuckle. If Bella was standing next to me I'm sure she would roll her eyes and flip her glossy mahogany locks over her shoulder. Bella is definitely not stuck up; she's more of the I'll kick your ass if you push me kind of sister.

"Renesmee Carlie Swan. You have exactly until Sunday to make a choice. If you haven't made it by then I will drag you back to Forks, Washington myself." Bella hangs up on me. I look at the phone shocked that she would just hang up like that.

I slam the phone back on the receiver with a huff. I hop off of my counter and walk back to the couch. I curl up in a ball with the ice cream in my lap and I chew my ice cream. Yes I chew my ice cream, only because I'm pissed off.

"Who does she think she is?" I ask myself snobbishly.

Bella is just mad that I explored the horizons and didn't stay in boring old Forks. I roll my eyes and turn the channel to some sappy romantic comedy. I didn't cry when Nahuel broke up with me. I was a little lonesome and depressed but I got over it generally fast. This movie just caught me off guard.

That's exactly why I burst into tears at the sight of the couple on some candle lit roof in New York city.

"I was caught off guard." I chant over and over to myself through sobs.

_Yeah keep telling yourself that._

I put the ice cream into the freezer and walk into my bedroom. I curl under my covers wishing to have some form of a companion with me. I squeeze my eyes shut hoping sleep will just overtake me. The next morning I wake up with Bella's threat running through my mind. It is definitely not above her to come down to California and actually drag me back to Washington kicking and screaming.

I sigh and walk into my bathroom turn on my shower which squeaks as I turn the nozzle. I groan hoping that the water actually comes out this time. It does and I crack a huge smile, I brush my teeth when I'm done with my shower and I open up my small closet.

I look for a shirt and jeans but my last pair of nice jeans was worn yesterday. I decide on wearing my skinny jeans with paint all over them. My last job was working at a art store. Some toddler decided to play Vincent Van Go and threw paint all over my pants. It all came out but I still have little spots on my jeans.

I find a black tank top and a black cardigan.

Black has been my favorite color since breaking up with Nahuel. I throw my bronze curls into a ponytail and walk into the kitchen. I get some coffee going expecting Mary to knock on my door any minute.

I get that knock and open up the door.

Mary looks a little disheveled her mini skirt is hiked up her legs. She has on a v-neck I think because it's ripped that way at least. Mary's blonde locks are tangled up and her make up is smeared.

She either had an amazing night or a shitty night.

Mary comes in with her heels in her hands and drops on my couch immediately.

I hand her my mug of coffee and I know a sob story is coming on.

"I have this theory that men don't use their brains. You know how people say it's all in the head. Well for guys its all in the dick." Mary frowns into her mug as I sit on the floor under the couch. This is typical Mary, she'll come over to my house looking like white trash and complain about how screwed over she got by her date.

"What happened?" I ask.

"He fucking left me at this bar. Then he had the nerve to come back saying he thought he picked me up. Renesmee the girl he picked up was some dumb bimbo with brown hair. I don't have brown hair! How could he mix me up with her!" I flinch at her screeching.

We are in a close proximity with each other so screaming is unnecessary.

"And?" I ask goading her on.

Mary takes a sip of the coffee, "I told him to suck a wet one and he left me at the bar. I got shit face drunk fell asleep in some guys truck and I woke up with a killer hangover. So I lugged my sorry ass over here." that sounds about right.

I nod my head while finishing off my coffee. That is exactly why I'm not in the dating game. I've been in a relationship for three years with the same guy. And in the end he fucked me over. I don't want that from some different guy every night like Mary does.

"He sounded like a loser anyway." I say giving me usual answer.

Mary closes her eyes and soon enough she's asleep. I grab some blankets and throw it on her. Mary looks a hot mess laying there with her make up smudged up. She looks more pitiful than angry actually.

_Yeah a pitiful raccoon._

I wash my dishes and walk back into my room getting on the internet I attempt to see if I got any new job offers in my email inbox. It's only full of dumb forwards and spam. I throw my head into my hands and let out a gust of wind.

_Not what I need right now!_

An hour after searching the internet for any other job that isn't in retail I hear a knock on my door. I hope it isn't Bella trying to kidnap me and force me to go home. I look through the peep hole to see it's even worse than I thought.

My landlord.

I hesitantly open it up to be met by a middle age man who reeks of B.O. and rat shit. Rat shit is the only way I can describe this man. Mr. Vettuci is balding and has a liver spots on top of his head. The hair that is left is a greasy dark brown.

He has on his usual kakis and fake polo shirt.

His small face frowns at me, "Rent." he says holding out his hand. I frown and stomp my foot.

"Mr. Vettuci I thought I said I would have it a few days late already." I say now pushing him out of my doorway and more into hallway. Mr. Vettuci isn't buying it and growls at me.

"No Renesmee last month you were late. I need it now, I'm tired of these sneaking around me games. Pay up or you are getting kicked out." my jaw drops at his bluntness.

"Mr. Vettuci you know I always end up giving you the rent." I counter.

"That may be true but it's always a few dollars short."

"At least I'm giving you money. Who cares if it's a few nickels and dimes short." I say defensively while crossing my arms over my chest. Mr. Vettuci gets this asshole smile on his asshole face.

"Nickels and dimes? How about Hundreds!" I flinch. Not realizing I've been that off with my rent. Well I've known but I always hoped he never noticed. Besides he's never said anything. _Why now!_

"What happens if you don't get your rent?" I ask more quietly.

"You get homeless." Mr. Vettuci says simply.

I start to bite my already stubby nails and I feel the sweat forming on my forehead. I can't give him that rent, it's _not _going to happen. Mr. Vettuci knows I don't have it and he's grinning his ass off. Apparently he enjoys kicking people out.

"I can't give it to you." I say honestly.

"Your stuff needs to be out of here by noon of tomorrow." Mr. Vettuci says satisfied. I slam my door in his face only to wake up a very hung over Mary. She groans and looks like a bewildered raccoon.

"Get up and help me pack." I demand.

"What? Is it vacation time?" she asks groggy.

"I was kicked out." I say while running to my bedroom. I start throwing suitcases everywhere and throwing random clothes into it.

"What! You just got put out like that?" Mary yells baffled.

"Just like that. Now help me pack, I have boxes in the closet over there." I point to my other teeny tiny closet that can literally only hold boxes. I always knew this day was coming so I always kept a safe load of boxes around. Mary looks at me in bemusement but drops her smirk when she's I'm genuinely pissed off.

The next day I'm sitting in my car with Mary who is sipping a huge slushee that she got from 7-11. I'm to busy reading the newspaper scoping out apartments. Mary stops her slurping for a second.

"Dude just go home. There is nothing her in California for you trust me. Didn't you mention something about your sister being chill with you going home. Take the fucking offer instead of living in a box on the streets." I shoot my now blueberry lipped friend a glare.

"I'm not fucking going back to Forks! Shit I can do this on my own. I've been doing it for a year!" I yell frustrated at my situation. I'm frustrated with my life, my friend, my job, my lack of a shelter. Mainly I'm pissed at myself for letting it get this way to the point where I'm living in my car.

Mary lives with a roommate who she claims has tried to kill her several times in her sleep so staying over there is out of the question.

"Renesmee you haven't been making it. You've been struggling, you need to go home. It will be fine, just go, I hate to see you looking like this. All frazzled up and depressed." Mary says serious for the first time today.

I look at her miserably and know that I only have one thing to do.

Go home.

**A/N: I liked that chapter! Lol, review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 2: Stuck

Going home was not my first thought of finding a way out to escape this huge problem I call my life but Mary had a huge point. I'm struggling and if I don't suck up my pride, soon enough I'm going to be living in a cardboard box asking for change on the Sunset strip. I frown and lightly bang my head against the steering wheel. Mary ignores me and continues to slurp her drink, she's quite content knowing that she's right.

"Fine I'll go home. I just need to call my annoying sister." I grumble. I don't even bother with cell phones anymore. That's just an unneeded bill for me to pay so I pull up to the nearest pay phone. Mary hands me a few quarters and says she'll be waiting in the car. I roll my eyes wondering where else she could go.

I stop at the pay phone and almost gag. This thing has held plenty of phone conversations between dirty people I'm sure of it. I groan and stamp my foot on the ground angry that I have to use this nasty thing. I timidly dial Bella's phone number.

It rings three times until someone picks up.

"Cullen residence." Oh its Edward Bella's husband.

"Hey Edward is Bella home? It's kind of important." I say while glancing at Mary who gives me a thumbs up for encouragement. I act as if I didn't see her and focus on the questionable glob of whatever on the inside of the phone booth. 

I hear the shuffling of phones being transferred.

"Made your choice?" Bella asks cockily. I hate it when she's right.

"When can you send me the tickets?" I grumble not in the mood to hear her gloat. Bella starts laughing in fact her laugh turns into a full blown cackle I pull the phone away from my ear because she's so damn loud.

"Okay I'm done," Bella says catching her breath, "I'll wire some money into your account tonight. You should be here by tomorrow afternoon got it. I don't want any shady things happening." Bella says seriously.

"What am I going to do Bells? Take the money and use it for marijuana?" I ask while rolling my eyes.

"You've been gone so long who knows how much you changed." she grumbles. I let out an annoyed sigh and hang up saying that I'll be home soon. I walk back to my car with a very eager Mary wanting details. I tell her when I'm leaving and she starts bouncing up and down in the passenger seat.

"Yes! This is exactly what you need. A fresh start just a clean slate." she says while waving her hand emphasizing the clean slate thing. I nod my head and pull off down the road to Mary's place. Luckily Mary's lunatic of a roommate is on vacation visiting her family in San Francisco so I can stay there for the night.

When we arrive I notice how dirty Mary's section of the apartment is.

"Sorry about the mess. I've been saying I was going to clean it up for the past week." she mumbles while flicking on the television. From the looks of the dirt on the dresser I know damn well that the thought of cleaning this apartment hasn't crossed Mary's thoughts.

"Okay." is all I say while sitting down next to her on the leather couch. Mary gets up suddenly and starts looking through her fridge. Mary offers me something to eat but I decline politely. Honestly I'm afraid something might pop out of my sandwich and eat _me_. I check the time and I believe Bella's money should be in my empty account by now.

"I'm going to the bank." I say while walking out of Mary's disgusting apartment. I pulled out of the parking lot and sped down to the ATM. I park a safe distance away so I won't get a parking ticket. I wait in line until it's my turn. I press in my pen number and check my balance. 

I stuff my hands into my sweatshirts pockets and see it says: 300.00

I have to catch my breath a little bit. I know three hundred isn't that much but for me it's pretty sweet. It's definitely the most money I've had in my account in a long time. I decide to take just enough out to pay for the plane ticket with cash. I'm leaving tonight. I run off to my car once the transaction is done. 

I hop in my car speed back down to Mary's apartment building.

"Mary I'm leaving tonight. I'm going to LAX to buy the ticket with cash." Mary sprints over to me and stands in front of me jumping up with excitement. I can tell she's really proud of me for going home. My real inspiration was not being able to sleep in this damn apartment if only for a night.

"Great okay you have to call me when you land. Give me the address to wherever your living so I can visit. Oh and I'll tell our boss that you quit. So I guess this is it." Mary stuffs her hands into her back pockets. I hug her really tightly and thank her for being such a great friend.

"Tell David I'll miss him too." I yell while lugging my suitcase out of the door. I throw my stuff in my car and head out to the airport. When I get to the airport I decide to abandon my car on the side of the road. I'll let some hitchhiker who needs it take it. I walk into the airport and go to the ticket counter, the line is of course is long.

Finally once it's my turn I ask for one ticket to Washington. The women gives me the next flight out. I sit down with my huge bag sitting on my lap trying to decide how is everyone going to react to me coming back. In high school I only had a small group of friends who like me lived for the thought that one day we would escape the sleepy town of Forks.

I doubt any of them still live in Forks. 

I called Bella and told her when my flight would land. She said her and Edward will pick me up. I'll be staying with them until I get on my feet and find a job. I'll start thinking of any form of a job when I get there, right now I just want to sleep. I've literally been up for twenty four hours so I need it _bad._

My flight is called and I hurry up to the ticket lady and then I board the plane. Once I'm on the plane I relax instantly I look around to notice that I kind of look like a hobo. Everyone is dressed to a T and I look like I just walked miles to get on this flight. 

I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the seat. 

I'm woken up by a flight attendant with the usual generic smile all flight attendants have. The 'I hate my job' smile. I could recognize that damn smile anywhere mainly because I used to where it everyday back at the grocery store. I get out of my seat so I can save the flight attendants sanity. 

I wait for literally an hour waiting for my damn suitcase to show up in the little carousel. I lug it into the area where you can meet your friends and family. I sure as hell hope Bella didn't take this very moment to be her usual clumsy self and fall into a hole. I really need her to pick me up_. Like now_, I'm mentally and physically exhausted. All I want to do right now slip into a overheated shower and then get into the bed and crash. 

My muscles are so tight and rigid that Bella walks past me. 

I pull her arm and Bella panics for a second but then fear turns to recognition which shifts into anger. 

"What did I say about touching me." Bella asks fiercely while crossing her arms over her chest. I scoff and give Bella a once over. Being married to a Cullen did her wonders. Not that Bella was ugly before but she was always plainly average is you asked me. 

Bella's chocolate brown eyes are a little bit hard but behind the anger is a playfulness. Bella brings me into a tight hug. I react instantly much to my shock; I hold onto Bella like a fucking lifeline. As much as I hate to say it being wrapped in sister's arms is the first since of security I've felt in a very long time.

We pull apart finally and Bella looks me over with a frown on her face.

"I'm not a materialistic person Ness but um…you look like a homeless person. But seeing as you had zero financial security for the past year I wouldn't be surprised if you were." oh lord here comes the speech. The 'Why didn't you come home sooner' speech. I shush Bella instantly not in the mood to hear this.

"Bella I'm tired and a frankly a little sore. I've been on a emotional rollercoaster these past couple of days. So lets just be glad that I'm here and partially sane. Now take me to somewhere to sleep, cause I need it bad." I adjust the strap on my bag and let out a sigh to emphasize my point. Bella nods understandingly and we walk out into the parking lot. Bella parked in a underground garage we walk around for a few minutes until we stop in front of a nice Rolls Royce.

"This isn't yours." I say shocked.

"Edward bought it for me." Bella mutters self conscious. For a second Bella has this flash of resentment on her face. I wish I could understand why it came up. I mean I only mentioned a damn car. I let it go and get in the sleek automobile. Sitting in the car with it's black leather rubbing up against my skin I can't help but feel so poor and small.

I look up at Bella insecurely who now has her eyes trained on the road. I was spaced out so badly I didn't even notice that we pulled out of the garage. Whatever I said affected Bella more than I thought because now she's gripping the ebony black leathered steering wheel so tightly I can see her knuckles.

I frown, "Bella what's wrong?" I ask hoping she'll just tell me so I won't mention it again.

"Nothing." Bella only confirms my thoughts that something is wrong when she pressed her foot further down on the gas pedal and we race down the road. Since it's around ten at night the only thing illuminating the highway is the orange street lights.

"Whatever Bella." I mumble.

I haven't even been near her and an hour and I want to rip her head off. Bella and I never saw eye to eye on most things seeing as she well was such a people pleaser. I was more of a rebel I didn't give a fuck what folks thought about me. To an extent I'm still like that but I mainly grew out of it seeing as the real world wasn't prepared or willing to hire a girl who walked around with the 'fuck you' attitude.

Bella was more reserved and needy. I wouldn't ever mention the needy part to her physically mainly because she is kind of an overly sensitive ball of a human being. Not saying that being overly sensitive is a bad thing because trust me it's not. Its just I have been living so frugally and on the verge of starvation this past year that when Bella showed me this expensive car it only emphasized the point that we are polar opposites.

I always voiced my opinions on a topic while Bella kept everything bottled up. 

We finally reach the confines of Forks which I was expecting to make me relax more but it didn't. If not it only made me hyper aware that I'm in the land where I always promised myself never to set foot back in. Bella slows down and we start driving through winding roads we must be in the back _back_ roads since the street lights have disappeared. Bella turned on the high beams on the car which lights up the road at least thirty feet ahead of us.

Eventually we end up in front of a mansion. I would be lying if I called it anything but that. It's literally a mansion or maybe a baby castle either way its fucking huge. We pull into a garage that is full of many more cars along the same line of the one were in right now. If not even more expensive as the one were in.

I get out finally after sitting in the car for over two minutes debating if I really want to stay in this house with Bella.

"Ness come on." Bella commands agitated.

_Me mentioning that fucking car couldn't have pushed her that over the edge._ I act like I didn't here the anger in her voice and get out. We enter a house that looks just as beautiful on the inside as it does on the outside if not more amazing. Everything in the house is white, the furniture looks like it was stripped out of a trendy home magazine. 

"Wow Bella nice digs." I say jokingly but that only puts Bella more on edge. Now it seems like the thought of her being near me disgust her. I frown and ask her in a detached voice to show me my room. We walk up the winding glass staircase past a row of bedrooms empty until we hit the guestroom.

"This is where you could live until you get on your feet. I'll have the newspaper laid out for you tomorrow morning. I have to be at work early tomorrow. Need anything?" Bella asks now refusing to make eye contact with me.

I resist the urge to ask what the hell her problem is and move to a different subject.

"Where's Edward?" I ask while sitting on my bed which creaks a little bit under my weight. I know I'm not fat in fact I'm far from it so that means this bed is very lightweight.

Bella stiffens and turns to leave the bedroom saying something over shoulder along the lines of "He needed to work." I wonder why that cause her so much harm and work to just say those four little words. Bella closes my door and I let out a long sigh wondering why my sister is acting like such a spazz.

For a second I want to get up and say thank you for everything she is doing for me but I let it go. I doubt talking to me right now is really what Bella needs seeing as I set off a some mental break down in her basically. I look around my room feeling completely out of my element once again. This room is plush comfortable if not safe. But I feel so awkward like I should be sleeping in a box rather than in here.

I've grown accustomed to sleeping in a room with tacky paint the color of fruit painted all over it that I actually have a surprisingly tough time sleeping. I close my eyes and let out sigh annoyed at myself. I'm so weird I can sleep on a lumpy couch until noon but I can't sleep on a foam mattress to save my life. I turn on my side and look out the window, in fact I have to look out the window seeing as it covers my whole damn wall.

I look out the forest to see the full moon shining it's light on pine trees. A far cry from the palm trees that I'm used to seeing now. Everything is so fucking different here. I can't help but wonder if I should've just continued to struggle back in L.A and count my blessings. I feel so out of place, I'm wiser and more well emotionally in control and frankly this town brings back memories I prefer to stay just that memories.

I know the odds are slim of living any horrible scenarios from high school out. I turn onto my back and look up at the ceiling hoping that whatever Bella's deal is, is just a little fluke or something. If she's going to act like a lunatic who doesn't want to even breathe the same air as me then I don't want to be here period.

I'd rather die in the streets than be somewhere where I'm not wanted. I hate being in places where people think they're above me. That's mainly why I hated high school so fucking much. It was full of nothing but kids whose egos where as big as some asshole who won a huge fight against a bull or something.

Even if you were better than me there's no need to flaunt it. That's why I didn't like the Cullen's. They were rich kids who were totally out of place in the small quaint town of Forks. 

Bella ended up falling for one and something tells me she's not too happy with that.

I close my eyes and my body finally gives in and I drift off to sleep. The next morning I wake up to bright light shining through the whole room. I slowly sit up and rub my eyes while fully getting my bearings. Everything comes back to me and I understand that I'm not in my apartment back in L.A.

I get out of bed and walk downstairs I scratch my hair only to see there is no one downstairs at all. I check outside in the garage Bella's car is gone. I guess she was serious about the whole 'I'm leaving early' thing. I let out a yawn only to be met with some random chick. I jump at the sight of her and automatically grab the heaviest object in sight.

"Relax I'm the housekeeper." the women says tentatively. She looks Native American probably from the Quileute reservation up the road. I slowly let go of the object that I realize is a lamp. I place it down sheepishly and awkwardly apologize for my sudden outburst.

The women who looks to be in her early fifties the same age as my dad if not younger laughs it off. She has a radiant smile that could light up a whole room. She pulls her charcoal black hair into a ponytail and guides me to the kitchen which is full of state of the art appliances.

"I'm Sue Clearwater. The housekeeper of Bella and Edward, Bella informed me that her little sister was coming over but I didn't know you were so - _Vibrant_." she says trying to find the right word to describe my almost attacking of her.

I can't help but smile at her and watch as she looks through the fridge.

"Yeah I'm kind of a nutcase." _Clearwater? _That name sounds so familiar. I frown annoyed that things are feeling familiar. I don't want to feel anything for this town. My only object to be here is to make quick cash and as soon as I'm stable financially I will haul ass back to L.A. or maybe New York. I don't know anywhere that isn't boring.

_Boring never sat too well with me anyway._

"Your Charlie's little girl. The one who ran off to California with those big hopes and dreams. What happened to those dreams? By now I thought I would hear about you on the local news. "Local girl daughter of the Chief of Police gets Academy Award" Or am I completely off?" Sue asks while eyeing be over her wired rimmed glasses.

I look down annoyance shooting through me. Is that how I'm looked at, as the girl who ran off with mediocre dreams of becoming a star. I realize now that I was a complete retard for being so ignorant. The way Sue made it sound so lame so stupid. Is that what I am in this town now?

A total joke.

"Your not off at all. I was young and dumb. You know what I'm not hungry." I push off of my leaning position against the counter. I walk blindly to my room in this big ass house. Not quite remembering if my room was on the left or right. I eventually find it and close my door I lock it shut. I walk around room letting out a huge sigh and running my fingers through my wild curls.

I'm a joke in this town now. Oh gosh, being the chief's daughter I knew everything I did was always put out in streets, everyone knew. In fact that's why most people pulled away from me. Afraid if they associated with me my father would go ape shit and do background checks on them. That's mainly why I wanted to be free so bad.

To get out of the mold of being perfect and being under speculation all the time.

Look at me now stuck in Forks once again.

**A/N: Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I have no clue why the hell last chapter was underlined. I'll let you read now!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 3: High school

I laid in the bed at Bella's house for over and hour until decided that I needed to get a damn job. Screw what anyone in Forks let alone anyone in this world thinks of me. I'm not destined to be in this town forever anyway. I meant what I said about leaving the boondocks of Washington when I got my money right.

Sue must be one of those maids who come in only for a certain amount of hours on certain days because when I come downstairs she is gone. I let out a sigh of relief. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Bella owned up to her promise of laying jobs out for me. I look through the applications with a huge grin on my face.

These jobs definitely have no sign of having to work any form of a cash register. I might be working for the CEO of the grocery stores company. I smile wickedly and start scribbling down everything I can. By one in the afternoon I've filled out at least twenty applications mainly for private companies.

_Nothing to do with showbiz. I'm starting to think that business is overrated. _

Mainly I would be some form of an assistant. I can handle getting coffee for total assholes are being the mail guy. I also went online to look over doing the college thing. The only reason why college didn't work out in California is because I wasn't putting my all in it. I was too focused on money, money, oh and more money. I was living pay check to pay check. College totally slipped out of my radar.

I don't like living with regrets but I do regret not going the college route. If I would've been less bubbled headed and too preoccupied with getting to L.A. that the thought of college was so lame and played that I didn't care.

_I just can't wrap my head around how naive I was. _

I spend the next hour exploring Bella's little house_. It's huge! _I think calling this place a house is like the understatement of the century. Why Bella and Edward have this castle and it's only the two of them I have no clue. My favorite toy though is in the living room. The flat screen 62' inch television. It gets over a thousand channels and half of them are in high definition.

"Hell yes." I mutter while watching some cooking show. I find a piece of paper and a pen and jot down the recipe for this cheesecake. I get up only one more time to make some popcorn. I literally stay on the couch flipping through channels for three hours.

This reminds me of my weekends at home back in junior and high school.

"What is going on?" I snap my head up from my TV inflicted trance. Popcorn kernels fall from my lap as I look up to see a very pissed off Edward Cullen. Edward isn't a total douche but he never sat well with me. His family moved to Forks from Seattle his Senior year. He has like a gazillion adopted family members because his mother Esme became infertile after having him.

Edward is on the lean side and has sharp features. He puts you in mind of a Greek god, when he first came to Forks every girl wanted to hop his dick and I mean every girl. He overall picked Bella of course but that didn't mean he had a few flings in between.

"I'm so sorry Edward. Did Bella tell you I was going to be staying for awhile? I ran into some money trouble back in L.A. and I came back to get back on my feet. I hope that is okay with you." I say while looking very nervous.

Edward nods his head understandingly. He's acting as if this is all okay but on the inside I'm sure he wants to kick my ass for getting popcorn butter all over his black suede couch; which is worth more than my life I'm sure.

"I'll totally clean this up." I say while gesturing towards the mess.

Edward gives me a curt nod and stalks off upstairs. I hear the door slam and I flinch a little bit.

_He's pissed._

I begin to clean my mess only for Bella to come home a few minutes later. She has on a business suit with her chestnut hair pulled into a ponytail. Bella gives me a casual smile.

"How was your day?" she asks cheerfully as I dump the last of the popcorn into a trash bag.

"It was cool I filled out every single one of those applications. Oh and thanks for those Bella I doubt I would've even knew those jobs existed if it weren't for you." I say with a appreciative smile.

Bella grins at me and I find it extremely hard to believe that nearly a day ago she was acting like the ice queen towards me.

"It was no biggie. So I will send all of these out tomorrow and you should get calls by maybe Friday if I give good enough recommendations." Bella winks at me heading towards the steps but I pause and tell her something else.

"Oh and Edward is here. I don't know how he feels about me staying over. He kind of caught me snoring on your couch with popcorn all over the place. I'm sure it didn't look like I was doing anything productive other than navigating your cable. So tell him once again how sorry I am." I say pleadingly.

I personally don't give a shit what Edward thinks of me. I just don't want him to bring hell to Bella for letting her lazy slob of a little sister slack off of them. That's not how I'm going to roll on this rollercoaster called life. Bella gets stiff instantly at the mention of Edward.

_Just like that ice queen is back._

"Okay." she say stiffly.

I frown as I watch her ascend the stairs. I hear Bella's heels click against the glass staircase until I don't hear anything else when they hit the carpet that is throughout the entire upstairs. I let out the huge breath I was holding and flop back on the couch.

My mood for gorging and watching cooking shows has disappeared indefinitely. I frown and trudge up the steps only to past Edwards study to hear Edward and Bella going at it. Edward is giving Bella a really hard time, the even more crazy thing is, Bella's taking it.

I want to intervene so bad and tell him to stop talking about my sister like that; but it's not my fight. Besides I know I would only add fuel to the fire if I joined in.

I close my door softly and turn on the TV that's in there. It's not as extravagant as the one I fell in love with downstairs but it will make do until I get alone once again, then I can sneak downstairs and watch whatever I want. Edward and Bella argue until the wee hours of the night. Finally he throws a low blow to her.

"An how dare you bring your dumb ass little sister from the streets!" Edward bellows. I can just see Bella flinching and bowing her head like a little doggy.

"Edward she was practically homeless, I couldn't leave her on the streets in L.A., come Christmas time I wouldn't have a sister if let her stay out there." Bella pleads. I smile a little bit at her attempt. She gets an A for effort, too bad Edward has had years of practice in the art of douche because he comes back with more blows.

"I don't give a shit Bella! How do you think that makes me feel; coming home from a long trip in Paris to see some teenager basically lounging around with crumbs all over my couch. That's a fifty thousand dollar couch Bella!" Edward yelps. I roll my eyes.

_He is such a pussy._

I admit I did look very lazy and dumb. But that is a far cry from what I am. I'm not that little girl that he first met back in high school. I'm a grown ass woman who has made plenty of mistakes in her lifetime. I do not need to hear how much of a fuck up I am from Edward Cullen.

"Edward -"

"No Bella, I am going to stay in my penthouse in Seattle for a few days. I want you to think about how to better yourself as a wife instead of worrying about your airhead sister. She'll find away to get back on her feet on her own." Edward says dangerously quiet.

"How is she supposed to get back on her feet on her own Edward?" Bella hisses.

"I don't know! I do know if I come back to this house and she is still here that we are going to have a huge problem." Edward slams the door and I take that he kicked Bella out. I roll over in the bed and look out the window miserably.

I feel like a little kid forced to hear her parents argue over her. Thank god Edward isn't my father but he sure as hell made himself sound pretty all mighty. I roll my eyes thinking how much of an asshole he is. Bella has a right to invite who ever the hell she wants into this house. It's her house too! Edward is just a little pansy.

_I wonder what she saw in him?_

I'm woken up to the next morning to Bella yelling at me. I get up slowly on to see Bella in black slacks with a black peep toe heels and a black trench coat on with thick rimmed sunglasses. She has her lips in a tight line and has her hair pulled back in a tight bun.

She looks like she wants to punch me and cry. I can't see her eyes but I know there puffy and very red.

"Bella…" I trail off standing up at full attention now.

"No, I need you to get out." she says with zero emotion in her voice.

"What?" I ask now confused.

"Edward is going off to his penthouse in Seattle for a few days. I'm going to a little island Edward's mother owns for a few days to relax. I need to let out some stress, but I need you to leave Renesmee." I frown and start to look at the starch white carpet.

"Why?" I want to hear her say it. I want to hear her say that if I don't leave that Edward is going to have 'problem with Bella'. Bella acts as if I didn't talk and lets out a sigh.

"Just pack your stuff and I'll drive you over to Charlie's. It'd be good for Charlie to see you again anyway. I need you dressed and ready to go in a hour. I have a flight to catch." Bella leaves without another breath. I let out a ragged breath and sit on the bed that creaks under my weight. I throw a pillow across the room in frustration.

I thought my sister would have my fucking back and stand up for me. What the hell?

I get dressed in some skinny jeans and pull my hair into a messy bun with chopsticks in it. I find a sweatshirt and my sneakers. I've been wearing my contacts forever and I'm not trying to impress anyone so I pull on my eyeglasses. I drag my suitcase downstairs not even giving Bella a second glance as I pass her.

The drive down to Charlie's his quiet and tense. I'm so angry at Bella that I can't even be nervous about seeing my father in such a long time. When we pull up to my childhood home I look out the window and frown miserably. _This is Hell._

Just as I'm about to leave I lean back in the car to say, "You know Edward is a total spazz. You should stop bending over backwards trying to impress him. That's not what love is, if he loved you Bells he wouldn't mind me staying. But uh… that's just not the kind of guy Edward is I guess." just as I'm about to slam the door Bella yells after me.

"Ness, Edward isn't like-"

"Take care of yourself Bella. Find someone who cares about you." I mutter while walking up the muddy driveway to the front door. I knock on the door lightly and when I turn around to see if Bella is still there I catch her pulling off towards town.

I frown and cross my arms over my chest defensively.

Now I'm stranded with zero allies in this fucking town. The door opens and I see my father who is in his early fifties and is mustache less with thick brown hair and light brown eyes. I smile at Charlie tentatively as he takes in my appearance.

"Renesmee." he gasps.

"In the flesh." I say with a snort.

"Oh my come in." he pulls me inside and I'm instantly transported back in time to my Senior year of high school. I remember what I was doing all of the time in every room in this house. Nothing has changed, nothing, nothing at all.

Charlie sits down on the weathered down black leather couch that he bought when I was eight. When he bought that couch I honestly thought we were making big money. Little did I know it was faux leather and it was second hand at that. Bella told Charlie not to tell me seeing as everything has been down hill ever since my mother Renee had abandoned us when I was five.

I took it the hardest at first. But you get older things change, priorities change. Hell people change.

"What are you doing here? Not that I don't want you here Ness, trust me I'm more than thrilled. I just want to know." I sit down next to my father and debate whether I should tell him he was right about L.A., life, Nahule, everything. It all turned out how Charlie predicted: Horribly.

"Nahule and I broke up and I kind of have been going through some things with money. I'm in a lot of debt, I got kicked out my apartment building. It's just ugh… my life has been everywhere and back dad. Long story short I came back home." I couldn't tell him that Bella actually forced me back here.

Charlie nods deep in thought. Something tells me he knows I didn't come back to Forks free willingly. Everyone an their mother knew I would never come back to Forks free willingly. Charlie contemplates all of this for a moment until he pulls his eyes back to me.

"You can stay here as long as you want. I don't care how long it takes you to get yourself together I'm perfectly fine. As long as you cook I'm okay with it all." I smile at Charlie. I should've just come here first. Charlie was way more willing plus it feels like home in here.

I'm sure I'm going to miss that sixty two inch TV like a mother but it's all okay. When I'm rolling in the Benjamin's next year I'll have one just as big as that one. If not even bigger.

I frown knowing in reality my future looks pretty fucking bleak right now even to me.

"Thank you so much dad. You need breakfast, or I guess brunch, I can totally make you something." I say while standing up. Charlie gets this huge grin on his face.

A grin that says 'I'm about to eat!'

"Whatever you want Ness." I smile and shove my hands into my pockets. I cautiously walk into the kitchen. In this kitchen was the last time I ever talked to my father. I've never yelled at someone so loud in my entire life. Charlie and I had this big blow out the night before my graduation. I told him truthfully and honestly that I was going to L.A. Charlie called me a lot of names.

Looking back on it I was all of those names he called me if not even more.

I shake my head tired of dwelling on the past. I need to work on my future as soon as possible.

I start getting the food together. I decide on some sandwiches and potato salad and chips. When I'm done and Charlie and I are eating on the couch watching TV the doorbell rings. I answer it to see a Native American man in a wheelchair and a girl who looks about the same age as Bella if not a little older.

"Hey," I say awkwardly_. Shit, I know these people…_

I know there from the same reservation as Sue Clearwater I just can't place who these people are.

"Dad it's little Nessie." the girl gasps. The man gives me a huge smile that lights up his whole face. The girl jumps me and starts squeezing and hugging me tightly. For a little thing she has a tight ass grip. I let out another awkward laugh as the girl continues to rock back and forth as we hug.

_Gosh who is she?_

"Rach ease up I'm sure Ness doesn't remember you." the man says with a throaty laugh.

The girl pulls back and eyes me. I know she's inspecting me to see if I remember her. I truly don't and I'm positive it shows all over my face. I frown and look down ashamed. I feel like crap, she must have fond memories of me if she hugged me so damn tight. Besides she called me Nessie. No one calls me Nessie except- .

"You don't remember me. Fair enough I'm Billy Blacks daughter Charlie's best friend. I have a twin named Rebecca who lives with a surfer dude back in Hawaii. We have a little brother Jacob; he went out with Bella up until Senior year." Rachel spit's the Bella part out.

Oh! Now I remember well actually how could I forget. Jacob was only two years younger than Bella. He and I were the same age, same grade same classes in everything. Jacob and I were really close just not as close as him and Bella were. Mainly because he got into her pants and not mine.

I'm sure I sound incredibly bitter but I'm not. Okay I am but that saga is for another time.

"Come on in. Were you going to let them freeze to death or something, Ness?" Charlie asks with a chuckle as I dip into my memory bank. I nod and give a nervous laugh.

"My bad." I mutter while sitting down on the couch once everyone is comfortable.

"You look so amazing. I can't get over how the last time I saw you was what a week or two before you left for California. So tell me how is the Sunshine state treating you?" Rachel asks eagerly.

I can't help but burst out laughing.

"What?" Rachel asks we all laugh at her.

"Honey the sunshine state is Florida not California." Charlie says between laughs.

"Oh." Rachel says with a frown.

"It's okay. Um California wasn't what I expected it to be let's just say that. I'm thinking of just hanging around home for a few weeks until I get myself together." I can't weigh these people down with my troubles. Besides when Rachel said I looked amazing we both know that was a lie. I look like a homeless women who should be pushing her cat around in a shopping cart.

"Well I'm glad your back. Charlie has missed you." Charlie rolls his eyes but I know Billy's right.

Later on that night when Rachel and Billy were about to leave Rachel pulls me aside.

"I think I can get you a job. But you have to call me tomorrow morning so I can get you the interview." _She can get me a interview just like that?_ I nod eagerly at Rachel and give her a million thanks.

"Just give me the call!" Rachel yells as he she pulls out.

I shake my head and Charlie says he's going to retire to his bedroom. I follow his lead and unpack all my clothes and store them in my old bedroom. Thank god I had the nerve to rip off all of the posters and pictures of friends up. I sit down on my bare mattress and review today's events.

Bella sold me out. That's the only way I can describe those events. I have every right to believe that she is going through issues with Edward but being the people pleaser that she is Bella doesn't tell anyone. I don't know if Edward is one of those total wimps who hits women but I wouldn't put it above him. I know for a fact Bella would not even bother to mention it. I shake my head at my sisters actions. It's crazy how she can be so strong and witty for everyone else but she can't do it for her own damn self.

Bella is in a broken marriage with a man who doesn't love her and she is living in denial. I wonder how long this has been happening. From the sounds of it, its been happening for a while.

Thinking about Bella's decision naturally causes me to think about Jacob. I honestly was so traumatized by those events that I purposefully etched them out of my memory. I close my eyes thinking about the whole Edward-Bella-Jacob love triangle. If you really want to even call it that.

Jacob had feelings for Bella from the very beginning. He used to follow her like a lost puppy. Everyone assumed it was a little crush until we got older and it evolved with hormones and age. I on the other hand was only a mere little friend to Jacob we laughed and hung out but it was never anything special.

He had this amazing 'connection' with Bella from the start. Finally Bella caved in ninth grade freshman year when Jake and I were still seventh graders. Now Jacob wasn't any seventh grader he was built like a senior in high school.

Bella and Jacob did everything together. They were almost one being, I silently mourned the loss over my crush since I could remember. I used to find it so unfair how he fell for Bella and not me. I mean I was in his age group I liked everything he did. I guess the 'connection' just wasn't there.

I wallowed in self pity forever until Bella met Edward Cullen.

Oh was Edward a threat to Jacob and Bella's relationship. Edward was suave and sophisticated and mature. Jacob on the other hand was dorky, a bad boy in some sense and far from mature in a sense of humor. Bella was a senior while Jacob and I were sophomores. Edward's family moved into town because his father Dr. Cullen was this magnificent surgeon who wanted to be a humble man and give assistance to our hospital.

We needed him desperately so we took him without a second thought. The Cullen's constantly had drama surrounding them. From rumors of incest to rumors of the Cullen's being ex-cons in stuff. I do believe incest was happening in that family but who was I to judge.

That rule didn't apply to Jacob who constantly picked fights with Edward. The thing that made it sad was that we all knew Bella was leaning toward Edward more than anything. I knew it before Bella even knew it, hell I think Jacob knew it. That didn't stop him from fighting for her.

Jacob pulled me aside one day at lunch when I was talking to my friends about how sweet it would be to just get in a hot pink convertible and ditch this shit hole town.

"Yes?" I asked while nervously playing with my glasses.

I was a total drama geek in high school. It showed through the clothes I wore. How I walked, talked, spoke. It was very clear to everyone that drama was my life.

"Um I was wondering if…" Jacob had trailed off. I deluded myself into thinking that Jacob had realized my sister didn't want to date him anymore and he had decided I was way more of a catch than Bella. I assumed Jacob was asking me out.

I thought wrong, "Will you ask Bella to go out with me on a date tonight." my little fifteen year old heart broke into tiny little pieces. I was going to break down at any moment then and there. We were in the cafeteria which is like the stage in high school so I had to play the tough chick role.

I did to a T.

"Why can't you ask her yourself. Your on her dick all the damn time." I said through clenched teeth. Jacob had the nerve to be stunned only causing my anger to flare up.

"She hasn't been answering me calls and I just thought since you live with her you could ask." he snapped back.

"Listen Jake, Bella doesn't want you. She loves Edward for some deranged reason your too fucking blind to see it yourself. Now let's save you and everyone in this school the headache and break up with her before you get dumped." I had said it so casually that I shocked myself.

I had never seen a boy so mad at me in my whole entire life. Jacob stormed out the cafeteria and didn't come back the rest of the day. That night Bella in fact broke it off with Jacob. The rest of high school and my life at that Jacob didn't as what to breathe the same air as me. At first I was angry at him.

_How could he actually be mad at me? _I just told him what was running through everyone else's mind. Anger turned into sadness because any chance I had with Jacob was pummeled after my bitch out. Sadness faded into carelessness until finally I didn't even know we went to the same damn school.

The Jacob-Bella-Edward love triangle thing only encouraged me more to want to leave Forks and all it's drama. Now I'm stuck and poor and my head hurts from my sad trip down memory lane. I remember crying nonstop before I went to sleep after that.

Mainly because I was mad at myself for being such a bitch.

I wipe a few tears away angry that I even let high school memories creep back up one me.

_Memories need to stay just that memories._

**A/N: I personally loved this chapter! So much drama and angst, so how do you like all of my drama come on show me some love in a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 4: Interview

I lean into the fridge and search for something to snack on. I called Rachel earlier asking about that supposed job she had in mind for me. I knew for a fact that I had to get it somehow. Bella had deserted me in this town basically. I think my job opportunities disappeared and flitted away off to that island with Bella when she left town yesterday.

I decided to call Mary since I promised her I would call nearly three days ago. It's crazy to think literally last week I was standing at the cash register wallowing in self fucking pity at the store. It feels like all of that was light years away. Who would've known how much things could change in three days.

I dial Mary's number and wait for her to pick up. I look up at the clock and I know she's probably on her break.

"This Mary who is indefinitely unsatisfied with her life." That's Mary's depressing greeting for me when she picks up the phone. I can't help but laugh a little bit. Mary must've recognized my voice and joins in laughing with me. Our laughter finally dies down.

"Oh man so I told you to call me back on Sunday, its what, Wednesday. You have some explaining to do missy." Mary says sternly. I hear a chair scrape against the linoleum floor as she sits down in the break room I'm sure.

"Well coming back home has been just as tough as I thought it would be. If not even more tough." I say while sitting down on the couch with a granola bar in my hand. I take a small bite as I think about how much shit has managed to happen to me in only three days.

"Spill I know you must be nearly ready to explode after hanging out with your family." Mary knows how I feel about Forks and my family. She knows about my decision to leave Forks when I was younger. She also understands and agrees with everyone else that it was a dumb ass choice. _Like that isn't a well known fact._

I tell Mary about the whole Bella Edward fight. I tell her how uncomfortable and angry it made me feel. It infuriated me when Bella just stood there and took Edwards bashing of her family. I expected more out of her. I at least expected her to fight back more. But no, all she did was sit there and beg and plead for his forgiveness like inviting me to stay at _her _house was her wrong doing.

"Wow you always described your sister as well feisty but now…now she sounds like a little nervous wreck. You should talk to her about it Ness. And that Edward dude sounds like a total tool. I don't think I have the same restraint as you. I would've fucking kicked his ass." Mary snarls out.

I start laughing, "Trust me it wasn't as easy as I made it sound." I say.

"So how is the job hunt going?" Mary asks.

"A old friend of mine is supposed to be coming over later to talk about it with me. But all I know is I'm not doing anything in retail. No grocery store, no working at Wal-Mart, no Mall or anything. I'm a grown women who deserves a grown women job." I say with conviction.

"You know to get a grown women job you have to have a grown women college education." Mary says back.

_Shit, she got me there._

"True, but I'm working on it. As a matter of fact this morning I was looking up college's online. Besides I'm only going to be in the shit hole for a few months. I plan on leaving in about six months after I get my money straight. Then I'm saying goodbye Forks and hello to some new city. I don't have the patience to be in this town for long." I say while the doorbell rings.

"Well whenever you get your money tight come and get me." Mary says and I can tell she's getting ready to get off of her break and finish her shift.

"I'll think about it." I say with a chuckle and hang up. I open up the door to see Rachel with a huge warm smile on her face. I let her in only to see that she wants me to come out.

"Hold on. I'll grab a jacket and lock up." I find a raggedy jacket and pull it on. Rachel looks at me in distaste and confirms my thoughts about what she thinks of my outfit by saying, "We should buy you some new clothes." I nod understandingly. My wardrobe has suffered if you will ever since Nahule and I broke up.

I never had a passion for fashion or anything, but I guess I can't walk into an interview looking like a homeless person.

Rachel escorts me over to a pick up truck she has. I slide in and we drive off to wherever. Rachel chatters away talking about nothing mainly as we drive down to Seattle. I guessed Seattle since we passed the city sign after we drove for like an hour. Rachel stops us at a strip mall, there's some burger place next to a store.

"We'll eat here first and then we'll buy you some clothes. You need it bad Ness." she says eyeing my eyeing my tattered flare jeans. Ratty black t-shirt and gray sweater. My shoes aren't any better seeing as I stomped through mud in them yesterday.

"Thank you so much for this Rachel. I kind of needed all of this." I do need to just talk about getting a job. Bella left me in the dust so now I have to fend for myself. Which is something I'm not complaining about its just I wish she would've secured my job offers.

"Hey don't thank me yet." Rachel says with a wink as we sit down in the 50's themed restaurant. As I scan over the menu I can't help but feel a little bit nervous as to what Rachel is going to offer me. I hope it isn't some strange job like being a teacher. I know being a teacher isn't strange but to me it's abnormal. I hate kids any form of children make my skin crawl.

I guess I can't afford to be picky with a job though seeing as I have a car to pay off and a I still need to give Mr. Vettuci his rent back all of it fully paid.

Once we order I get down to business.

"Okay so what is this the job you have for me?" I ask while leaning against the leather of the booth. Rachel ponders the thought as if wondering how she should explain everything to me. Finally she lets out a deep breath her almond shaped brown eyes gleaming with joy.

"It would be an assistant job. I'm sure that won't be a problem for you though. You take direction well I see and plus the job pays well. Also its up in Seattle its an hour away but that would be fine for you…" Rachel continues to ramble on about the perks of this supposed job.

I frown she's not telling me who the job is for. That's the only thing I notice about her.

"Rachel," I say firmly causing her jittery energy to be put on pause for a moment.

"Yes?" she asks wearily.

"Who is the job for?" I ask.

"Um you would be one of two assistants. One of the assistants would be manage his work life mainly while you would do personal stuff. For instance getting coffee, buying gifts for relatives of his, etc." Rachel says as our food arrives.

She didn't answer my question. All she told me was that I'm working for a guy.

I give her a grimace as I chew on my fry. Rachel ignores eye contact with me. This is bad. Why isn't she telling me who I'm going to work for? I need to know this stuff, I would look like a total jackass if I came into the interview not even knowing the name of my employer.

"Rachel if I'm going to get this job I need to know who my boss is." I say while squirting Ketchup on my plate. It goes all over the plate and I grab a napkin from the container to clean up my mini mess. Rachel looks at me with a pallid facial expression.

"Your right, it would be Jacob." _I'd rather work for the devil._

"Come again." I say as I slurp down my coke fast.

"Jacob my brother from high school. Jacob." why does the mention of his name send my heartbeat into overdrive. I lean back in the booth once again losing my appetite for the monstrous burger in front of me. I stare at the table that has pictures and stamps from the 1950's under the glass.

I study the picture of some redhead laying on the beach. I try to hide the nerves that rock through me with a look signifying I'm thinking really hard.

"I'll take it." the words leave my lips before my brain catches up with them.

Rachel looks at me in shock and a huge grin comes over her face. I can't help but quirk a timid smile at Rachel as she chews on her own French Fry eagerly.

"I need to call the office now. This is just great, I'm so glad I mentioned that I had someone in mind to him." my eyes are wide in shock as I study the table. The waitress comes back with the bill. Rachel says she refuses to let me pay. So I put my food in a box and we walk out of the diner and head to the store next door.

"So you need a few business outfits. I know for a fact that you need a new pair of jeans or two." Rachel stands back and eyes me critically for a moment.

"Maybe twenty jeans and fifty shirts. Lets just say by the time I'm done you'll be good to go." I still have that deer caught in headlights look on my face. I'm scared shit less about the idea of seeing Jacob again. Working for him makes me want to pass out on the spot. I wonder if Rachel told him that it was me directly who needed the job.

He probably wouldn't have accepted the offer Rachel proposed if he knew it was me.

"Rachel does Jacob know I need the job?" I ask as Rachel hands me a racks worth of skirts.

"Oh! Well, no, I didn't tell him only because I don't think he would've given it to you. Which I thought would be unfair. Jacob shouldn't you know hold any prejudice toward you. I want him to not hire you because you did something dumb in the interview. Not because your Bella's little sister." once again Rachel spits Bella's name out.

_She must really hate her._

"Right, right totally." I say while nodding my head like everything is fine.

"Now go try on some of the clothes." Rachel shoos me off into the dressing the room the whole time I think about how I'm going to pull this off. I don't think Rachel truly understands the depth of why Jacob doesn't like me anymore. I did cuss him out and call him nearly a pussy for hanging on to Bella.

"How is it going?" Rachel yells outside of the dressing room.

"I'm done." I say while walking out of the dressing room.

"That's nice, but I think you should put something else on." I turn back around and pull on the next outfit. Rachel puts me through a rigorous outfit cycle until she decides on ten pairs of jeans, ten blouses, ten shirts, one pair of black heels and skirts for work.

_That is if I get the damn job._

Rachel said I would still need all of the clothes anyway.

"Go on another interview and wear the clothes. But I doubt you'll end up going to another interview. I just know your going to get it." Rachel is beaming with so much joy that I can't help but be a tad bit confident about myself.

That night I go to sleep early causing Charlie to wonder what I'm doing. I tell him quickly that I have a job interview. Charlie nods like that answers enough for him. I toss and turn in my bed until I finally get five hours worth of sleep.

Rachel gave me the directions for where the building is. I also have to be at the office by nine. I glance at the clock and it's seven. I take a quick shower and brush my teeth. I look through my newly stocked closet wondering what I should wear.

I haven't had the issue of not knowing what to wear because I have too much options in such a long time that I crack a smile. I didn't pay for the clothes but still I'll get my own pair of clothes soon. _Very soon_.

I find a black pencil skirt with a black button down shirt tucked into the skirt. Rachel bought me some leopard print open toe high heels against my best efforts of fighting it off. I pull my hair into a sleek bun. I don't have much make up so I put on light eye shadow doing the best I can to cover up any dark circles under my eyes.

I look at the clock and I notice I have only a an hour and ten minutes to get to Seattle. I find my purse and run downstairs. I decide to take my sneakers with me so my feet won't be killing me all day. I hop in the orange truck that Bella owned back in high school.

This truck doesn't go over fifty and smells distinctively of tobacco and beer. I think once, just once that I caught Bella and Jacob having sex in the bed of the truck. I blocked that out of my mind and ran into the house after I saw it. I speed down the highway with the wind ripping through the truck. I try to roll up the window but it of course is stuck.

The chilling air sends goose bumps all over my exposed skin. By the time I exit the cab of the truck I'm freezing. I walk as fast as my high heeled feet will allow me. I make it in the nick of time at the front desk.

"I have a job interview with Mr. Black." I say looking at my watch that I got in like fifth grade as a birthday gift from my late grandmother. It's black and still fits surprisingly. It's the only form of jewelry I kept up with in my life. The man at the desk gives me a curt nod and gestures with his head for me to enter the office.

I enter to see cubicles rowed front to back all over the office. There's a conference room in the back and on the right of me a glass office is left empty. I know for a fact that it's Jacob's office seeing as it has is name on the plate on the door.

I look around confused as to if I should just walk in.

"Hey, um Mr. Black isn't in his office do I wait or do I…?" I trail off not sure what the hell to do. The man who finally looks up at me with bored light blue eyes.

He lets out sigh as if this is common sense, "I wouldn't have sent you in there unless he was coming to the office soon. So just sit back down in the chair. He'll be here soon, chill jeesh." I act like I didn't detect the attitude in his voice.

I walk back into the office and sit down. I sit in the comfy leather chair. I lean my head against the head rest and let out a huge sigh. I'm so lost in my thoughts. I try to process what I'm going to do when I see Jacob again. I try to calculate what the hell Jacob will do when he sees me. I try to think back to the last time I fully saw Jacob.

It was maybe at prom. I went reluctantly with one of my friends. We held up the wall the whole time and if we did hit the floor it only be to goof off. I saw Jacob grinding with some girl and almost threw up my paper tasting cookie from the snack bar. She was his date and clearly a stripper.

It was nasty just thinking about it.

My stomach growls and I rub my tummy as I close my eyes. I wish I would've grabbed a granola bar or something. I'm fucking starving. I sit in that chair for what feels like hours but is only a couple of minutes. I try to get my heart to stop racing.

"Yeah I'll check my messages in sec." I shoot up and straighten my clothes out the moment I hear that all to familiar husky voice. My calmed down heart starts to pound so hard that I have to take a few deep breaths. I think I'm going into cardiac arrest.

I feel his presence behind me. He seems as if he's going over something. I'm not going to initiate eye contact until it's fully needed.

_Damn it! I knew this job thing was a bad idea._

"Okay so you are?" Jacob says while sitting down.

I look up to be met with darkest brown eyes I've ever seen. Jacob hasn't aged drastically. In fact he looks the same as when we were teenagers. He has his hair cut short but it works for him.

Jacob seems speechless as if he's not completely sure if it's really me.

"I'm Renesmee Swan." I say as if he doesn't know who I am.

Jacob closes his mouth and clears his throat several times. He looks so professional in his black business suit and tie. I feel so childish thinking about our days back in high school. He has to be pass all of that. _He just has too._

"Yes you are." he says under his breath more to himself than me.

"Excuse me." Jacob leaves his office. I turn around to look after him wondering where he went off to. I shake my head and turn back around. I'm sure my presence didn't send him into a frenzy or anything. Jacob didn't seem scared to see me, just surprised.

A few minutes later Jacob reenters the office looking more put together. Meaning he looks a bit pissed off.

Shit, I'm not getting the job.

"Alright so do you have any job experience in being an assistant?" Jacob asks as if I'm just another person. I go with it like he's another person who's interviewing me.

"Honestly no. I have only had jobs as a waiter and worked the cash register at a grocery store. But I take direction well, I have a knack for memorizing things too." I say putting forth my best effort to sound like I'm the best person for this job.

Jacob nods to himself.

He leans back in his chair and looks me over. I suddenly feel ashamed or like I should be hiding something. He licks his full lips deep in thought. I have the same reaction as I did when I was fifteen by heart skips a beat and I have to cross my legs as if that will hide my arousal.

"Waiter." Jacob says as if it's not impressive. It's not but the way he says almost makes me want to up and leave the office.

"Yes." I say sincerely.

"I thought you were supposed to be like a producer or doing Broadway or something. Not at a job interview for being my assistant." Jacob says with a little evil smile forming on his lips. I try to keep my cool, I close my eyes and let out a strained smile signaling that comment didn't phase me.

"That dreamed died after I realized I needed to grow up and do bigger and better things with myself." I say while patting down my hair insecurely.

"Your broke aren't you?" he asks with a chuckle.

I try not to act like his words cut through me.

"Yes I believe you could say I'm having money trouble." I say trying to keep this conversation formal unlike him.

"Wow, I really don't want to say it, but I knew you wouldn't do too well." I actually gasp and look down at my hands which are now white from gripping each other so tight. Its quiet for a beat until I look up at Jacob with a very hard look.

"Listen I need a job. I understand how foolish I was for thinking I could just up and become a superstar. But please don't hold that or our history against me. I'm in debt and I have bills to pay so please at least consider me as an option. If there are no further questions then I will leave." I say while standing up to exit the office building.

I don't look back at Jacob as I speed walk out of the building. I don't need this job or Jacob. Hell I don't need Forks, I should just go back to L.A. and get my job back at the store. I'll find some way to make it. I don't need the harsh cruel words of these people.

Who is Jacob to scrutinize me like that anyway? That was so unprofessional of him. I don't give a fuck if I cussed him out in high school. You don't just blow peoples mistakes up in their faces. Especially if there seeking out working for you. I sit in the cab of the truck thinking all of this over.

A few tears slide down my face and I wipe them away angrily. I'm mad at myself once again for being a idiot enough to think I could go to L.A. and get famous instantly. I'm mad at Jacobfor being so rude to me. I'm mad that whatever Jacob says still cuts through me like a knife.

I swallow my tears and start the car.

Suddenly I hear a tap at the window.

Jacob is standing outside of my window. Since I couldn't get the window up he starts talking to me immediately.

"Listen I'm sorry for being like that earlier." Jacob says sincerely. I can still detect his anger and resentment though. I just nod feebly as I study my hands in my lap. Jacob lets out a defeated sigh.

"Your hired." I shoot my head up in shock.

"What?" I ask not believing what I just heard.

"Your hired." Jacob repeats.

A slow smile creeps up on my face.

"Thank you so much Jacob!" I squeal while clapping my hands together.

Jacob's face remains hard though, "Yeah just don't expect me to go easy on you."

With that he disappears back into the building.

A/N: Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you for reviews and I had some questions someone asked in a review so I'll just acknowledge those now. **

**Rachel bought Renesmee all those clothes that she got from the store. I'll explain what Jacob does in this chapter. I'll explain Rachel's motives and why she is being so damn generous soon. The whole Bella Edward drama is going to build up. Renesmee has a loan from a bank that she put out to get the car. I.E. the reason why she has a car payment. Now I'm young so I may have gotten that wrong but oh well. But the truck is Bella's old one, she's paying for her car back in L.A.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 5: Waiter

I hurried back to the office. When I entered the office I saw Jacob in a hushed conversation with a women who looked so promiscuous I thought she was one of the strippers from the strip club up the street. The girl turns around to look at me and I recognize her as this girl Bella used to hang out with.

_Jessica. Yeah Jessica, _Jessica looks the same as when we were in high school. Except well a little bit more hoeish. I frown as I look over her outfit a size too small hot pink pencil skirt matched with a zebra print camisole which is also two sizes too small. She has on stilettos.

_Is she a slut?_

"Renesmee, Jessica here is going to show you around and all of that. I have a meeting." Jacob walks past me barely glancing at me.

Jessica puts her hands on her hips and looks me up and down. Once again I feel very ugly and insecure. Just because I don't dress like I'm about to stand on the corner is no need for her to assume I'm a geek.

"Renesmee Swan. Bella's little sister. Tell me how is Bella she married Edward right?" Jessica asks as we walk through the office. I follow her until we stop at the printer. I nod like a little kid eagerly.

"Yeah Bella is a Cullen now." no one liked the Cullen's in Forks. We all agreed very quickly that they were nothing but stuck up rich kids from the city.

"Wow I'm sure she's living the high life." Jessica grumbles as she finishes with her copies. I follow her back to Jacob's office where she drops off the copies. Once were done she turns around and looks me up and down again as if she really isn't sure what to think of me.

"Okay I'm Jacob's work assistant. I help him with documents, files, all that good stuff. You on the other hand have to get coffee donuts whatever the fuck he wants. You are the bag boy in this office basically. I'm sure you can handle it." Jessica guides me over to a small cubicle that is definitely not built for two to stand in. At least not side by side.

The cubicle has a chair and a state of the art computer monitor. It has two drawers and a cabinet running over top of it. Other than that its about the size of a closet. I nod as I place my bag on the desk.

"This is your cubicle. Mostly all you do is the work I don't have time to do. Which is usually organizing shit. What we do at 'Equipped Auto' is buy all the equipment for auto shops. The actual buying is on the other floor. What we do here is search for the products make sure the imports are coming in on time. At the moment we are working on this big deal to start buying from this company out in Italy owned by Aro Volturi." I nod sinking it all in.

"So is Jacob the head of this department?" I ask.

"Yes." Jessica says exasperated. _Is her job that hard? _It's only 9: 40 and she already sounds like she's ready to go home.

"Sounds good. So what am I doing right now?" I ask.

Jessica smiles at me wickedly and walks away and comes back a second later with a stack of papers. This stack is pretty high. I eye it skeptically.

"You want me to organize all of this don't you?" I ask with a sarcastic grin.

"So smart. Yes this needs to be done by today. Organize these forms by date." I nod and just like that Jessica is on some other side of the office. I sit down and let out a sigh as stare at the stack of papers. It has to be at least four phonebooks high. I groan but I know this is what work is. I can handle it. I start sorting through the papers I notice none of them have the exact date. I decide to just go by year.

Two hours later and five paper cuts later my stomach is growling. I eye the clock on my computer.

"Only eleven." I whine as I continue to look at the wretched dates.

I'm about at least 150 papers away from being done. My stomach lets out another beastly noise and I tell myself to hush up. I really need to bring a snack. This is fucking hell.

"Here's some more papers for you." I look up to see Jacob handing me another stack of papers that is just as big as the stack I had originally. If not even bigger. I almost burst into tears, I'm not a lazy person. Just a little bit but I'll work when needed. This paper situation is enough to make me hate paper for well ever.

"Let me guess its all due by today." Its not a question it's a fact.

Jacob shoots me a fake smile, "Yes." I take the stack from him and the weight of the papers startle me. You would've thought Jacob was carrying an empty box from the way he handed it to me. I set the stack down and mindlessly file pieces of paper.

Two hours later my stomach ache is getting excruciating, I have a headache, and I'm dizzy. I'm sure I have a hunger head ache but still. On top of that its overly warm and humid in this damn building. Everyone seems perfectly comfortable. I don't know how people do the fucking cubicle thing it's so claustrophobic its ridiculous.

"Jacob can I go on break?" I ask as politely as someone who has gone a day without eating can.

"Yeah I want a burger from the place up the street without any mayo. I want a coke with it too." Jacob talks to me like I'm a waiter. I forgot being a personal assistant I'm his personal shopper, waiter, bus boy, filing cabinet, and many more.

"I was kind of talking about my lunch. But I can just pick up my food too." I say with a wave. Just as I'm about to leave Jacob calls my name. I walk back confused as to what is wrong.

"Your break is in another hour. Mine is now." I frown as his words sink in. I let out a little whimper.

"Can I just eat and file papers at the same time?" I ask desperately as I step closer to his desk. Jacob contorts his face as if I smell like ass. I sniff my self slightly wondering if I was truly baking in that cubicle. No I still smell like my lotion.

"I can't risk you getting food on those papers. You can wait." Jacob says firmly. His face is so cold and hard that I know there is no changing of his mind. I turn to leave his office once again only to hear my name being called again.

"You know what, I think the guys want pizza. Go to the pizza shop next to the burger place and order five large pizza's two cheese, one pineapple, one pepperoni and another with sardines." I almost gag at the sardines.

"Drink?" I ask in my full blown waiter mode. I can retain orders like it's nothing since I was a waiter a few years ago. It's a little bit harder seeing as I haven't been one in a few years though.

"Hey guys!" Jacob bellows three monstrously sized men appear in Jacob's office. I almost run away from the hugeness going on in this room. I feel so dwarfed standing next to these dudes. Jacob has that wicked smile that means I'm in trouble.

"Yeah Jake?" huge guy number 1 says who has to be 6'l. As a matter of fact there all over the six foot range and are packed with nothing but muscle. _What the fuck? _I almost die realizing I'm going to be carrying food in for these animals.

"Drinks?" Jacob asks.

"Who's asking?" big guy number two asks.

"The waiter over here." I say sarcastically while waving to my hand.

The guys all stare at me eyeing and turn finally back to Jacob. Big guys number three gives Jacob this look that I don't quite catch causing me to scrunch my face up in confusion. Jacob's annoyed facial expression must answer huge guy number three's answer because he immediately becomes Mr. Office Man whore.

"Well I want a liter of Sprite." he says with a sad attempt at being suave.

"Sprite got it. Next?" I ask while eyeing the other guys.

Two guys ask for orange soda while the other's claim there fine.

"Hurry up breaks almost over." Jacob says rudely. I control my instinct to tell him to fuck off. I grab my flats and then sprint out of the office. Only to be caught in the fucking rain. It's pouring as I run to the truck. Since I can't get my windows up the seats are slippery and wet. I'm sure there damaged beyond repair now.

I frown as I pull out of the parking lot headed for the pizza shack.

Once I arrive I give the clearly bored teenager the order and wait patiently as he makes my five pizzas. I think absently how I'm going to carry all of this stuff into the building. Even my waiter skills couldn't prepare me for this. I ignore the throbbing ache in stomach as the sweet aroma of freshly baked pizza fills my up nose.

Jacob is such a asshole for making me wait another hell filled hour for my lunch break. Is this his way of being a hard boss. Handing me papers that I can't even get food on and then tell me to not eat yet send me on a pizza run. _What the fuck?_ I ignore Jacob's request and ask the other lady for a cookie. I scarf down the cookie only to get crumbs all over my shirt. I don't have time to swipe them off since I'm already late.

I run back into the rain I'm sure ruining my hair, and clothes as I get in my car. I push the truck as fast as it can to the office hop out and carry the pizzas in.

I'm out of breath once I hit Jacob's office. Jacob looks at me disgusted and amused as I place the pizzas on his desk.

"Drinks?" he asks annoyed.

"Wait, I'm tired, plus it's cold outside." I say between deep breaths.

"And I'm hungry so…" Jacob trails off being a total douche. I roll my eyes and walk back outside lugging all of the drinks back nearly toppling over from there weight. When I reenter the office I see the pack of guys attacking the large pizzas. Each guy asks for his own pizza.

"Drinks!" one guy yells with his mouth full of sardines. Ew, his breath is going to smell terrible soon.

I check the clock and what do you know it's my lunch break.

"Off to lunch." I say cheerfully.

"Renesmee!" I almost act like I didn't hear his sexy husky voice and continue on my way off to lunch.

"Yes?" ask tiredly. I really am worn out. My feet hurt, I'm shivering from the rain. I fucking forgot a jacket when I left the house. I'm sure I'm going to be sick tonight. My clothes are damp and plus I'm going to pass out from the no eating thing.

"You leave at four, it's one. I think it would be best if you just finished those filings." Jacob says sickly sweet.

"I can handle staying a little late." I say like its nothing. Jacob's sweet demeanor drops and he becomes a pain in my ass once again.

"The papers are due at four." what I only have four hours to finish that stack? May I warn you this stack of papers goes up to the average persons knee. That's a lot plus I need to sort by date. Those dates are random as hell. It will take me forever I can't get that all done in four hours.

"I'll go to the vending machine." I grumble as I walk out with my head held low.

I pass Jessica who is giggling away on the phone with someone. She wasn't joking about dumping all of her shit on me. I only had a buck on me so I buy some chips. I decide to just take a trip to the water fountain. As I'm sipping the water I hear footsteps. I turn around hoping it isn't Jacob bothering me.

It's only some guy. He has soft white skin and a broad smile on his face. He looks like he could be a male model with his very manly features. He's buff but no where as huge as Jacob and his minions. The guy looks me at me with another broad smile. His hazel eyes gleam with joy as he takes me in.

"Sorry for holding up the fountain." I say while backing up.

"No problem I'm Chase." Chase holds out his hand. I shake it and realize he has a firm grip. I haven't dated a guy with a firm grip. Nahuel's grip was more loose and carefree.

"Renesmee, Jacob's new assistant." I say while smiling at him shyly.

"Oh so you're the redhead everyone has been buzzing about." _oh no_. Stories of how dumb and ignorant I was are spreading around the whole dame state like wildfire.

"I have red hair so it must be me." I say with a little laugh.

"Wow." he says looking at me deep in my eyes. For a second I'm actually left speechless that is until my boss pulls me out of my trance.

"Renesmee!" Jacob shouts causing the constant buzz in the office to pause for just one fraction of a second. I flinch but slowly walk over to Jacob flashing Chase a apologetic smile. I come fact to face with Jacob. Well it's more face to chest but you get the point.

Jacob is furious with me. His eyes are all the sign I need that he's angry. His already dark brown eyes are nearly black now.

"I thought I told you to go file the papers not flirt and play the office slut." is he really giving me this talk on my first day? And why couldn't he do this in private? I know he hates me but this is just humiliating now I feel like a whore for talking to a hot guy.

"I was just introducing myself to Chase." I say reasonably.

That only seems to get Jacob more mad because he suddenly becomes very calm.

"You have zero relationships with anyone in this office. I won't hesitate to fire you if I catch any of that." Jacob leaves it at that and slams his door in my face. I almost open his door and quit. But I'm not a quitter, I won't quit this job. Just because Jacob is acting like a he is having his time of the month does not mean I have to stoop to his level.

Jacob is just bitter and is taking his hate out on me. I'm fine with that for now but that won't happen anymore. It's my first day I can't just flip out. Not yet at least. I'll wait for a few weeks then I'm sure he'll do something that will tick me off. Until then I will obediently file his little papers.

**A/N: It was short but I wanted to get the point across that Jacob is not going to be a nice guy. Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 6: Fool for him

After I finished sorting the papers I slowly walked into Jacobs office. I didn't want to disturb him. He was in a meeting so I knocked as lightly as possible. Jacob opened the door with grimace on his face. I announced that I was leaving, all Jacob did was look at me so I turned away and left. I grabbed my things and stormed out into the cold, wet air of Washington.

The whole ride home I wanted nothing more than to scream and shout at the top of my lungs. I buried that need deep down inside of myself. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I sped down the road home. The moment I entered the house I let out a huge scream. When I was done shouting out profanities that were mainly for Jacob I went upstairs and took a long hot shower.

When I was done I knew I was going to have the sniffles all week. My throat was already aching a little bit. I frowned as I searched the medicine cabinet. We only had one bathroom in the whole entire house when I was growing up. It was horrible especially when you had to take a shit. But now that its only Charlie and myself it's pretty nice.

I find some medicine, I take the prescribed amount. The moment I feel the nasty rotten cold medicine hit my throat I involuntarily gag. I walk back into my room and lay down on the bed. I glance at the clock, it's only six. Once I come to the realization of the time Charlie's voice bellows through my doorway.

"How was the interview?" Charlie ask like I'm child coming from their first day of Kindergarten. I frown noticing the significance of the situation. I'm a twenty three year old women who lives with her father.

"I got the job." I mumble while wiping my forehead.

"That's great." Charlie says with a smile it suddenly turns into a frown though.

"Are you okay Ness? You look a little pale, well more than usual." Charlie walks closer to me and feels my forehead like I _am_ a child.

"Your burning up." Charlie mutters.

"I feel fine." say while rolling away from him so now my back is facing him. Charlie takes the hint that I want to be left alone and walks out. I let out a sigh when I hear him shut my door softly. I may be tired and a little sick but I can still go to work tomorrow. Me not showing up is a way of showing Jacob that I can't handle being his waiter.

An hour later I walk downstairs to see Rachel smiling at me. Billy is sitting in the living next to my father watching some game. I let out a little sniffle. Rachel's smile drops when she notices me red nose and shaky demeanor. My nerves are rattled a little bit right now. I don't think I can really stand a conversation with the man I solely hate in life's sister.

"Did you get the job?" Rachel almost whispers.

"Yeah I got it. It's just I'm a little tired so can we talk later?" I ask while pulling out the carton of orange juice. I pour some in a glass cup that I recognize from when I was a kid.

"Yes, that's fine. Come down whenever you feel like it. I'm making dinner." I nod my head a as I walk back up the steps. If I feel like crap now then I'll feel like hell tomorrow. I place the cup on my nightstand and curl into my covers. I squeeze my eye shut and I fall asleep immediately.

The next morning my alarm clock startles me. I wake up disoriented and I have to gather myself. I let out sigh and I end up coughing instead. I groan knowing this day won't be any better than the last. I take a shower take some medicine. In fact I decide to take the medicine and the Tylenol with me. If I get another hunger headache the Tylenol will drown that out.

When I get out of the shower I blow dry my hair out. I pull my hair into a loose braid. I pull on black dress pants and a long sleeve black shirt. I put on the some flats and I grab nice warm fuzzy jacket. I find my bag and put the medicine in it. I search in the fridge for something to eat. I make myself coffee and decide on two granola bars.

I pull my hood up and run to my truck. In the car I begin to roll up my window. It's hard as hell but I finally get it up. I let out shout of victory. I turn the heat up and pull out of the driveway. My drive to work isn't as hectic as last time.

In the office I'm met with a sleazy looking Jessica once again. I wipe my nose since I can feel snot already running down.

"Hi Jessica." I forgot contacts this morning so I just put on my glasses. Jessica rolls her eyes at my greeting and places a stack of manila folders in my hand.

"I need you to revise these statements. It's due in a hour." I frown as she sashays down the hall gaining a few looks from men aimed toward her ass. I trudge slowly to my desk. I take my jacket off and pull it around my chair. I place my bag into the drawer suited for personal items. I open the folder only for paper, and more papers to flow out.

"This is going to take forever." I mumble while clicking a highlighter to note all of the spelling and grammar errors. Now I'm not a spelling freak so I wouldn't know exactly if I caught most of the mistakes. When I'm done which is barely in a hour. I walk into Jacob's office hesitantly.

"Here are the statements. I pointed out all of the mistakes." I say while wiping my nose once again. I know I must look like a child wiping my nose with my glasses in all. I suddenly feel fifteen all over again standing in front of Jacob.

"Now retype up the statements. I need them done before noon." I nod and walk out of his office quickly. The moment I sit down I begin to type out the statements. I feel someone else's presence behind me. I look up to see it's the guy from yesterday Chase. He has a broad smile on his face that I can't help but return back.

"Good morning you look sick." he comments.

"Yeah I caught a cold yesterday. Running around getting Jacob's food in the rain." I don't want to sound like I'm blaming Jacob for my not being exactly in tip top shape this morning. _But I am_.

"Oh well I'm sure you'll get better soon. If it's any consolation you still look pretty." I blush at his comment and look down timidly.

"Thanks, but I have to um finish this statement." I say while eyeing the entrance to Jacob's office nervously. I don't want another repeat of yesterday. I don't feel safe talking to Chase or anyone in this office for that matter. Mainly because I assume that Jacob will come out of his office threatening to fire me.

"Okay hey I think we have the same lunch break. You want to hang out?" he asks before turning away.

His question catches me off guard to the point where I don't know what the hell to say. Chase eyes me skeptically until I give him a barely audible yes. He smiles triumphantly and walks away with a little pep in his step. I giggle a little at that, I continue to type happily.

My mood is yanked away and stepped on by Jacob when he tells me to go on another food run. I trek to the end of the city to get him this fucking Thai food. I come back just in time for my lunch break only for him to hand me another stack of folders that need to be revised. When Chase comes over I nearly die.

"I can't go. I'm so sorry, Jacob needs these statements done and I can't leave until there done." I mumble while sorting through my bag. I finally find the Tylenol pill. I chug it down with water letting out a sigh of relief as the pill instantly kicks in.

"Headache?" Chase asks.

"Yeah hunger headache." I whisper not looking away from the screen.

"Well take a break to eat." Chase says in a duh like voice.

"I can't I need to finish this revision. Or Jacob will chew me out, I'm not in the mood for that. Frankly I just wish this day would end." I whisper so no one except Chase can hear. He chuckles lightly but I sense some anger in it. I look at him with my eyebrows scrunched together.

"Renesmee it's okay just come with me." Chase says just as Jacob comes over. I glue my eyes to the screen not really in the mood to witness this confrontation.

"Chase don't you have somewhere to be. Other than bothering my assistant." Jacob sounds like he's trying to keep his cool. I tear my eyes away from the screen to see Jacob looking at Chase dangerously calm. Chase has his hands stuffed in his pockets in a very rigid stance.

"I was just saying that Renesmee can go on her break if she is hungry." Chase says formally.

"She has work to do." is all Jacob says. I frown at them as they talk about me like I'm not here.

"I'm going to the vending machine." I say firmly. Jacob looks at me a smidge of a second almost as if he is happy that I'm taking control of the situation. It's replaced with his permanent scowl that he wears for me and me only.

Chase frowns but walks away from Jacob and mines stare off.

"I'm hungry." I say while walking toward the machine. I hear Jacob slam his office door. I roll my eyes at him being such a egotistical baby. He should just _grow up! _I wait at the vending machine for my two candy bars and then I walk briskly back to my desk. I finish the statements by the time their due.

"Here you go." I say not making eye contact with Jacob as I place them on his desk.

"I need you to call my girlfriend to reschedule our date tonight for sometime tomorrow." a sudden twinge of jealousy shoots through me. Why am I surprised that a pretty sexy guy like Jacob has a girlfriend? I stuff my hands into my pocket and nod as he gives me her number.

I walk to my desk reeling from the insane fact that I was jealous over a little girlfriend of his. It's not like Jacob is attracted to me in fact I think I repulse him. Nothing he has done as sent off a sign that he thinks I'm at least not gross looking.

I dial the number numbing my mind of this new revelation I've come to.

"Hello" a thick accented voice answers.

"Is this Vivian Trescott?" I ask politely.

"Yes this she? May I ask who's calling." the woman almost sounds annoyed.

"I'm Jacob Black's assistant. I was just calling to inform you that he will not be able to make it to dinner tonight." I say while busying my hands by playing with the pencils and pens on my desk. Vivian mutters something like "Son of a bitch." I act like I didn't hear it and wait briefly for her reply.

"Tell him to call me _now_." she says 'now' so harshly I can't help but wonder about the trouble Jacob might be in if he doesn't call her soon. I walk down to Jacob's office. He looks up at me in shock as I walk closer to his desk.

"Your girlfriend said to call her now." I say quietly.

Jacob lets out groan and rubs his temple.

"I really don't have time for this shit." I flinch a little at his language. I begin to do my nervous habit of biting my finger nails off. Jacob eyes me with a facial expression that I can't define. Amusement? Adoring? No it has to be neither. I'm imaging stuff.

"I'll call her." Jacob says. I turn to walk out but I'm met with Jessica.

"I need you to copy these forms. Oh don't take them to Jacob when your done. Drop them off on my desk, then go on your break." I walk to the copy machine and I start copying the forms. Tomorrow is Friday and then I'm done with this fucking job. At least for two days I'm done. I wipe some snot from my nose.

When I'm done with the copies I place them on Jessica's desk. I take my coat and my bag. I walk to the parking lot when I get in the car I blast the heat and pull out of the parking lot. I decide to just go to that burger place. I get a cheeseburger and drink. I take the food back to the office. While I eat I type up this email that Jacob wanted. When I'm done I turn around only to burp in Jacob's face.

"I'm so sorry." I say. I cover my mouth instantly and Jacob has nothing but disgust written all over his face.

"Excuse you Renesmee." I shake my head while looking down. _That was incredibly embarrassing. _

"I was just coming over to say you can leave for the day. Jessica and I are just going to finish some stuff. Your not needed." I nod and turn around to pack my stuff up. I let out a combination of a sneeze and a cough. I groan and decide to take the medicine before I leave.

I wrap myself up and stuff my hands into my pockets.

"Hey where you going!" I turn around to see Chase running up to me.

"Oh Jacob said I could go home. I'm sick anyway so when I get home I'm just going to crash." I say just noticing that I sound like my nose is stuffed up.

"Yeah coming to work was bad idea since you're all sick." I start laughing at how Chase refers to me being sick.

"So did Asshole Black doing anything else to you. Did he take away your right to freedom of speech?" I can't help but laugh at that comment. Chase and Jacob are clearly not the best of friends.

"No he was not an asshole to me." I say while pulling up the strap of my back up as it slides down my arm a little bit. Once our laughter dies down I sense there is something else that Chase wants to tell me.

"Would like to ask me something?" I wonder aloud.

"You want to go out this weekend." Chase says simply. I grimace instantly. I can't go out with Chase. Jacob said if he caught me doing any of that then I'm fired. I can't afford to get fired, I'm not going to lose focus on my actual purpose of coming back home. I need money not a husband or a boyfriend but cold hard cash.

Hanging out with Chase would compromise that.

"I would love to, I really would but -"

"But what?" Chase asks annoyed.

"I can't afford to you know hang out with you. Or any guy at that in this office. Jacob said he would have my ass fired in a hot second if he caught any of that happening. I need this job Chase." I say sincerely. Chase looks like he's not taking no for answer.

"Asshole doesn't have to know. Please I want to get to know you more." oh gosh how did this just blossom into a full blown epic romance. I start to wring my hands out. Shit, this is not going to be easy. I actually like Chase, he's the first guy who's showed interest in me in the past year.

_No! _I can't risk my job just because I'm sexually frustrated.

"Fine we can go out. Here's my number." I take a hold of his sharpie pen and write my number in his palm. The whole time Chase has this shit face grin. I feel a little giddy inside myself. I shouldn't in fact I can't feel this way towards the opposite sex.

My job is on the line with this little date but whatever. I like Chase and he likes me…

"I will call you soon. Have a nice night Renesmee." Chase says as I walk away. I yell bye over my shoulder. Since we made our dating plans in the lobby the receptionist guy who has had and attitude with me since yesterday is giving me a "I feel so sorry you' look.

"What?" I ask insecurely.

"You are going down a road you can't come off of." he says while scribbling notes on some post it note. My giddy mood disappears suddenly not quite sure what he means. I let it go and walk to my truck. When I get in and pull off. The moment I get home I let out another scream of frustration. I decide that this is my new form of therapy.

"Jacob is a prick. That rule is so unfair." I say angrily to myself as I stomp up the stairs. I throw my jacket and bag on the bed. I pace around the room pissed off now. I'm not as miserable as I was yesterday, only because all I did was type shit. Plus I got off early, but now I'm angry because I'm not allowed to show my interest in any guys in the office.

_Why should you show any interest? _My conscious asks.

I stop mid step knowing my conscious is right. I have no right to date any of those people. I have more important things to do than get laid.

_I bet Jacob gets laid every night_. Why did I just think about that? I have felt a little on edge since Jacob told me about his girlfriend. Then when I heard her naturally sexy voice I nearly ran out of the office. He can date whoever the fuck he wants. It's not like we ever had a relationship, I wished we had a relationship but it never went there.

_Because he was too busy fucking my sister. _I think bitterly.

I let out a sigh as I sit down on the bed. I can't do this, my thoughts are plagued with Jacob and Bella, Jacob and Vivian, Jacob and myself. Either way it goes back to Jacob. I have no clue why I feel so possessive over someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.

I shake my head deciding I need to take a shower to clear my head. I take a hot shower and put on my pajamas. Just as Charlie enters the house and I'm cooking dinner I hear the shrill ring of the telephone.

"Hello." I say while juggling the cord phone and the spoon as I stir the soup and flip the grilled cheese sandwich.

"Hey Renesmee it's me Chase." I nearly drop the phone in the soup.

"Oh hey Chris." I say while placing Charlie's sandwich on a plate. Charlie comes over and eyes me with amusement on his face. I crack a smile and take the phone into the formal living room. I sit down since the cord is like fifty feet long.

"I know it's only Thursday night but I was wondering if tomorrow night we could go out. Check out a movie go out to eat, whatever you want." I smile at his shyness. In the office Chase has this huge confidence that radiates off of himself.

"Sure Chase. I'll see you tomorrow though, my dad needs to talk to me." Chase hangs up with a happiness dripping of his voice. I hang up only for Charlie to be staring at me smugly.

"You got a date don't you." Charlie asks while chewing his sandwich.

"Um…yes." I say not sure how he's going to take it.

"It's not with Jacob right? He still has that French girlfriend." how does Charlie know all of this. Then it comes to me Rachel probably mentioned something to Billy who told Charlie.

"You and Billy gossip like old women." I grumble as I eat my sandwich and soup.

Charlie chuckles but I can't help but wonder that Jacob managed to score French girlfriend. That's pretty impressive, I finish my food and clean up downstairs. Not without earning another smirk from Charlie who I'm sure is waiting for me to go upstairs so he can gossip to Billy on the phone.

The next day I feel better. I still have a runny nose but the ache and soreness in my throat as dispersed. I'm sitting in my office retyping some review on a product so I can send it to Jacob when I feel someone behind me. I turn around to see a very handsome Chase smiling at me.

"Hey Chase." I say while twirling around in my spinny chair.

"I was wondering if we could meet in Port Angeles around six?" Chase asks quietly. Jacob is on the phone cussing out someone even though his door is open. I'm sure it wouldn't bother him to storm out of his office and punch Chase in the jaw.

"No that's fine. Call me later when I get home." I say as he winks at me and walks back to his desk. I feel all warm and fuzzy when I finish typing and printing the review for Jacob. _I have a date! _I haven't felt this way since my first night of staying over at Nahuel's apartment back in L.A.

I silently place the review on Jacob's desk as he continues to shout about how horrible and dumb something was. I take he's talking to someone in the office. He shoots me an annoyed look and I walk out quickly. Once it's time for me to leave Chase walks me out not without eyeing Jacob's office door with disgust.

"You really hate Jacob." I say while pulling on my eye glasses. My eyes got tired so I pulled them off towards the end of my day.

"Oh yeah he's just a total tool to me. Someone said he wasn't always a total jackass. Apparently in high school he was a great guy. I call bullshit, he has always been a asshole I'm sure of it." I frown at how quick Chase was to talk smack about Jacob. I don't know why I feel a sudden urge to defend Jacob.

"Are you still calling me later?" I ask trying to change the subject.

Chase seems to lighten up at that, "I am definitely still calling you."

"Good. I'll be waiting." _oh that sounded so corny._

"That was cheesy wasn't it?" I ask with a chuckle. Chase joins me and he says goodbye to me as I near the lobby door. I ignore the look of shame on the receptionists face.

When I get home I sit on the couch and wonder why I got so defensive over Jacob.

"He doesn't like me." I state plain and simple.

That doesn't mean I don't have a little bit of something for him. I roll my eyes and lean back against the seat. I'm such a fool for him. I should just let it go and enjoy my time with Chase tonight.

**A/N: So how did you like this? Review! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for reviews! I loved reading them.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 7: Change of heart

"So your going on a date. That is not with my brother." Rachel states dryly while I find something to wear out with Chase. All my clothes are black mainly because color hasn't been my thing since I broke up with Nahuel. I decide on some light wash skinny jeans black lacy camisole top. I leave my hair out and put my contacts in.

"Yeah is something wrong with that?" I ask confused as I put on my sneakers.

"No it's just I thought, never mind." I look at Rachel quizzically trying to understand her motives for asking these questions. She runs her fingers through her long coal locks. I frown as I study her face. It's as if something as has disappointed her.

"What's wrong Rachel?" I ask sitting next to her. I have an hour until Chase is supposed to pick me up. Were supposed to catch a movie in Port Angeles and then go out to eat. I was perfectly comfortable with our schedule besides I don't think I have it in me to do anything else.

"I don't have a problem." Rachel says simply while walking downstairs. I follow her with a scowl on my face. _What is her deal?_

"Listen Rachel I'm not one of those people to prod into others business. But if something is wrong you need to tell me. Cleary something is bothering you, so just tell me." I say while leaning against the kitchen counter. Rachel leans against the stove across from me and looks away almost sheepishly.

"I thought that er…Well I was just hoping if you got the job that…Jacob and you would develop some relationship." Rachel isn't making any eye contact with me now.

"What?" I ask my anger rising up.

Rachel looks up at me with a grimace on her pretty face, "Come on, I knew you had this thing for Jacob back when you guys were young. I also knew how much it killed you when Bella and Jacob started dating. I was trying to give you a fair game by getting you the interview." my nose starts flaring. I clench my hands into tight fist.

"Rachel! You only offered me the job interview so you could play fucking cupid! That's, I can't even find anything to say I'm just blown away." I start pacing the kitchen now.

"I'm sorry Ness, I know it was pretty dumb of me." Rachel pleads.

"Hell yeah it was pretty stupid. Jacob hates me Rachel! He treats me like I'm the fucking scum of the earth. I barely get lunch breaks, I'm starving practically. He humiliated me my first day practically called me a slut in front of the whole office. Rachel why would you even think that?" I ask sadly now.

_I hate this town so much. _Everyone has ulterior motives all the damn time. Because Rachel was attempting to be a matchmaker I have the boss from hell who treats me like dirt.

"I was trying to - Oh I don't know Ness. I fucked up! I didn't know Jacob was going to be such an asshole towards you. Why he is acting that way is past me completely. I could ask him to chill out if you want." Rachel offers. I almost punch her in the face.

"I need you to leave." I say calmly.

"Ness I'm so sorry -"

"No just go please Rachel." I need to just be alone for a minute. Rachel leaves without another word. I let out a shaky sigh as I walk into the living room and plop on the couch. _How could she do that? _I was only mentioned because Rachel thought that Jacob and I could becomes this happy ever after couple.

Then Rachel had the nerve to think she was doing me a kindness. I shake my head frustrated. The only person who I trusted and then I can't even trust her. She was only trying to get her brother fucking laid. He has a girlfriend anyway, a French girlfriend at that.

The doorbell rings and I answer it to see Chase smiling at me cheerfully. I almost break into tears. I can't go on a date with another man only for my thoughts to be plagued with my horrible boss. Chase frowns when he sees the worry written all over my face.

"What's wrong?" he asks as I walk back into the living room. I want so bad to be able to just relax with Chase but for some odd reason my mind, no _my life_ always points back to fucking Jacob it seems like.

"I just had a little issue with my friend." I say not totally lying. Chase nods understandingly and starts rubbing my shoulder. That actually relaxes me a little bit. I close my eyes as he continues to massage me practically.

_Screw the date lets stay right here. _I think tiredly.

"You up for the movie?" Chase asks bringing me out of my inappropriate thoughts.

"Um yeah let me get my jacket." I say while standing up.

"Do you have to cover up that hot body?" Chase asks. I almost laugh but since he was serious I crack a smile. I grab my gray sweater and walk downstairs. Chase walks out and I follow him to see his pick up truck. I kind of suspected he would have a truck.

I get in the truck and we pull out of the driveway. On the way to the movies we talk about mundane stuff like what movie we should see. I haven't been paying attention to the media lately so I frankly have no clue what's out. Chase has been working a lot apparently so he has no clue either. When we arrive at the theater we decide on a horror movie.

"Is this your way into my pants?" I ask cheekily as we stand in the snacks line.

"That move is so high school. Why would I take you to a horror movie?" he asks.

"Because if I get scared I'm practically in your lap the whole time." I say as we walk into the theater.

"That's amateur stuff. I learnt the easier way is to take the girl to a sad movie. She's crying your fake crying so now the girl thinks you have this big heart. Way easier route into her pants trust me." Chase says with a eye roll as we settle down. I start laughing at his statement. It makes sense though which is the messed up part.

The movie isn't as scary as the poster hyped it up to be. In fact it's more gross than anything. The blood is squirting miles away from the body. Organs are being eaten by the psychopathic killer who likes to stalk high school cheerleaders. When the movies is over Chase and I leave with frowns on our face.

"That was a waste of five bucks." Chase grumbles as we enter the brisk air.

"What made you think it was waste? Was it when the killer started to lick the girls brains?" I ask jokingly. Chase pretends to shiver at the scene.

"It was all shit, lets just say that." Chase says seriously. We take a seat at the pizza restaurant that Chase raved about. Apparently this pizza joint supposedly has the best pizza in the Olympic Peninsula. _Supposedly._

"So where are you from?" Chase asks as we wait on our drinks.

"I'm from Forks. The town that's about an or two away from Seattle." I say with a wave. Just stating that I'm from that shitty town makes me want to hurl.

"Really you know Jessica is from there." Chase says.

"Yeah she went to high school with my sister. Forks high go Spartans!" I say weakly.

Chase laughs at my lack of enthusiasm for Forks, "I take your not too proud of your hometown." I nod my head.

"Lets just say my childhood was very dramatic. It was like a bad headline off of a gossip magazine." I grumble while taking my drink from the waiter. I order a slice of cheese pizza while Chase gets three slices of pepperoni.

"That bad huh?" Chase asks.

"Pretty much." I state while looking out the window.

"So where are you from?" I ask while changing the subject. I'm tired of talking about myself. Hell I'm tired of being near myself. It gets exhausting thinking about all of that shit.

"I'm from Denver." Chase says.

"Denver, you a snowboarder or something?" I ask thinking about what you could possibly do in Colorado.

"Yeah me and a few friend used to go out to the mountains every once in awhile. So have you been in Washington all of your life?" Chase asks directing the conversation back to me.

"Oh fuck no! I couldn't live in Forks all my life, I would kill myself. I moved to California straight after high school. I lived there up until recently, ran into some problems came back home got a job. Now I'm counting my days until I can get the hell out." I say more to myself.

"You go to University of California?" Chase wonders.

"No, college wasn't my thing. I was tired of school, the thought of even sitting in a classroom for an hour made my skin crawl. I wasn't a horrible student in high school. It was just the whole idea became tiring." I say while sipping my water.

"I know what you mean. I went to college but didn't enjoy the school part. I got into the University of Washington. Majored in business and somehow I ended up working for Asshole Black." Chase grumbles. I wince a little at his tone towards Jacob.

Then I grow angry at myself for feeling hurt the way he talked about Jacob. I hate him with every fiber in my body. There is no fucking need for me to get all mushy gushy over that jackass.

"So how do you like Equipped Autos so far. Other than Jacob I'm sure it isn't too shitty." I laugh at Chase's comment.

"It isn't that bad. It pays well I guess, I won't get my first pay check until I work a full week. I'll probably get it next Friday. Everyone is nice especially you." I say with a wink.

"You didn't have to say that." Chase says pretending to be modest.

"Yeah, yeah, Jessica is kind of…?" I come up short now knowing what to call Jessica really.

"A skank." Chase finishes while chewing on his pizza. I start laughing at his bluntness. I guess Jessica is a skank, now I don't know if she's as promiscuous as she likes to project. I don't want to judge her on her too tight dresses and too short skirts. I'm sure she isn't as nasty as her clothes make her out to be. But after getting her dump loads of work this past week I can't help but feel a little resentful towards her.

"You know the rumor around the office is her and Jacob are fucking." Chase says with a snort. I nearly double over gagging. That's _gross_, I can't even feel jealous or angry at that accusation.

"If I ever caught them doing anything remotely sexual I would die." I say with a laugh. Chase joins me and we continue the rest of the night talking about all the weird stuff we've come across in the office. I refuse to steer the conversation into my past or anything relevant to Jacob.

"I had a great time." I say as Chase walks me to my front door. The cruiser is parked in the driveway a signal that Charlie is home. I stop once I hit the door. Chase nods and a awkward silence settles over us.

"Can I just kiss you?" Chase asks boldly. I giggle and nod yes. His lips touch mine and I can't help but shiver with happiness. Chase wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer towards him while I wrap my arms around his neck. His hands roam all over my back until they settle just above my ass.

The kiss is long and sweet. We pull back eventually since we need air.

"That was, just wow." Chase gasps. I nod my head agreeing. I'm in a little daze so I have no clue what the hell is up or down.

"I'll see you Monday." Chase says with a wink. I blush as I try to open the door. I finally figure it out and wave as Chase pulls out of the driveway. When I get inside the house I see Charlie passed out on the couch. I smile a little bit glad that I won't have to get interrogated on where I was tonight.

When I lay down after getting undressed and into my pajamas my smile spreads all over my face. I lay down and close my eyes a happy little girl. On Monday I still have the cloud nine feeling as I walk into the building. Jessica is a little annoyed with my giddy smile.

"Why are you so fucking happy?" she grumbles while handing me some folders.

"No reason." I say as I skip to my desk. I finish the reports happily and drop them on Jacob's desk.

"I need you to buy my girlfriend, Vivian's parents a anniversary gift." Jacob says with a sigh. He looks really tired and haggard. His usual "I'm mad at the world' mood has been replaced with, "I need a pillow' mood. He looks like he got zero sleep this weekend. I wonder what kept him up.

"Okay anything in particular?" I ask as I think of things I could buy French old people.

"Um… something like a tea set. I don't know, Nessie." my eyes go wide. He hasn't called me Nessie since I started working here. I act as if he didn't just say his nickname for me and continue to nod my head. Jacob doesn't seem like he noticed what he just called me.

"Silverware?" I ask rambling off ideas.

"It can't be over a thousand dollars. That's all I'm giving you. You can take the rest of the day to go shopping." I like this assignment. All I'm doing is shopping for old people. That's not too extricating, plus if I don't spend all of the money on the gift maybe I can spend it on myself.

_No I shouldn't do that. I'll surely get fired._

"What do you want me to do if I don't spend all of the money?" I ask trying to sound curious. Jacob actually smiles at me as he leans back and rubs his eyes. My heart does a little leap as he smirks at me.

"Why? Are you going to take the rest and go shopping?" he asks with a snort.

Suddenly it's like when we were younger and I was still his friend.

"Maybe." I say sheepishly. Jacob starts laughing and I can't help but join him. This is so strange. Just three days ago, I was threatening to kill him for being such a asshole. Now I'm laughing with him? I shake my head and let those thoughts drift away.

"You can spend a little bit of the money. But I really need the rest back." Jacob hands me a credit card and the heavens open up. This is such an honor for me. Not that I haven't had a credit card before it's just the fact that I can use it so freely. It only has a thousand dollars on it but that's just enough for me.

"I can shop cheap." I mutter while looking at the card in a daze.

"Alright I need the gift in the office by tomorrow. Have fun." Jacob says the huge guys come into the office.

I run out of the office with my purse and coat on. I speed down to the mall and I go ape shit. I start looking in the Macy's for a tea set for the rich French old folks. I buy a set with cream colored base and gold flowers all over it. It's as close to high class as I was going to get with a thousand dollars.

The set only cost five hundred so I spend a little of the cash on my lunch. After that I go back to the office with my buy and the card in my hand. Jacob sees me and gives me a glorious smile_. Has sleep deprivation made him delirious?_

"Hear ya go. The set only cost five hundred. I spent a little bit on my lunch but that's all." I say while holding my hands up defensively. Jacob chuckles as he takes the box with the set in it.

"Thanks Ness, you can go home now. Nothing else to do here." I smile at Jacob's grin. He is being so fucking nice that I can't help but be happy myself. I walk out of Jacob's office with a whole new since of happiness in my spirit.

"Hey Renesmee, where you going?" Chase asks pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh um Jake said I could go home." I say with a smile.

"Who's Jake." Chase asks with a evil smile.

"Jacob our boss." I clarify. Chase frowns and I sense that he isn't too happy that I was calling Jacob Jake like I'd known him my whole life. I did but Chase didn't need to know that. Besides I can't let his hate for Jacob bring down my mood.

"Oh okay. See ya later." Chase says distantly. I frown as he stalks off to his desk.

I shake my head and walk out of the lobby and into my car. I don't know why I feel so bad about talking to Chase like that about Jake. I'm glad Jacob is lighting up on me. I don't know what that means about my relationship with Chase though.

**A/N: What does this change in Jacob mean? I just wanted to say I won't be doing Jacob's point of view until a few more chapters in. Mainly I want to build up suspense, leave you all wondering. Lol! So Review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for reviews, loved reading them once again!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 8: Total 360

The next two days were a mixture between tense and relaxing. I say a mixture because Jacob was acting super nice to me. He was acting as if my first week at work hadn't happened. In fact he almost made me enjoy my job. I had started talking to a lot more people in the office since I wasn't running errands all the damn time.

Jacob's crew of guys are actually some guys from La push. The one who attempted to flirt with me was Embry. As Embry put it he is a permanent lady's man. He made a vow when he was younger to never settle down apparently. The second hugest one in the group since I believe Jacob is the largest, is Sam. He's a calm relaxed guy who just radiates respect.

Jared and Paul are two total goofs. Paul is actually dating Rachel, I made a note to call her and discuss why she didn't tell me. I suddenly remembered that she and I are not on the best of terms right now.

The youngest one Seth is a sweetheart.

My days were tense because Chase had nothing but dirty looks to send towards me whenever I would say hello. I tried to corner him at the water fountain but his bulky stature overcame my small one and he practically pushed me away. After that incident I decided it would be best to just leave it alone.

_Chase would come to me when he was ready to._

"Shit!" I turn around in my swirly chair to see Jessica picking up a box of papers. I got up to help her only for Jessica to shoo me away. I backed up confused but then when Chase walked by she let him help her. I quirk and eyebrow and back up to my desk. Jessica shoots Chase a sultry smile, Chase just gives her his normal smile that he gives everyone.

I lean back in my chair so I can continue to see there little interaction. I can't help but wonder what is happening. Jessica laughs at some comment Chase made and slaps his shoulder.

_Uh oh._

I know exactly what is happening, I may have only worked in this office for a few days but I sure know when a slut is reeling in her man prey. Jessica is trying to hook up with Chase. Now I'm not jealous in fact I'm far from it, I have this feeling that you would get if you caught your big brother flirting. It's disgusting and something that you just can't unsee.

Jessica lets out another squeak of a laugh and Chase walks away when he pasts me he shoots me a glare. I roll my eyes unaffected by his little attitude. I get up and suck my teeth while eyeing Jessica skeptically.

"So?" I ask while leaning in.

"_So?" _Jessica asks agitated.

"Jessica, I saw you flirting with Chase." I say while letting out a sigh.

"Yeah Chase is a piece of ass I've been trying to get with for awhile. I mainly want him to make Jacob jealous." I frown not catching her drift at all. I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion. All I heard was 'Jacob' 'Jealous' and 'Chase'. I frown and start to look down.

_That does not sound good._

"Jessica what do you mean exactly?" I ask. Jessica rolls her eyes and pulls me down a little hallway that has the vending machines and water fountains, and bathrooms down there. She yanks me into the bathroom and turns to check her makeup.

"You know exactly what I mean. I want to make Jacob Black, _our boss _jealous." Jessica gestures between me and her when she says our boss, "Chase is the perfect candidate. We all know how much Jacob loathes Chase. Plus I've been wanting Chase since he started working here last year. It's a win, win if you ask me. I get sex with Chase and Jacob." Jessica clap cheerfully as if this is the best plan ever.

"That's not a good idea Jess." I say while stuffing my hands into my pants pockets.

"Why? I've had my eye on Jacob since your sister was going out with him in high school. I find this opportunity as the universe giving me another chance. Another _amazing chance_!" Jessica squeals as she applies a coat of hot pink lip gloss. I frown and lean against the wall.

There are a ton of reasons why Jessica's plan is a definite fail. One, Jacob has zero attraction towards Jessica. He has hated her since freshman year. I don't even know he has managed to work with her for so long. Two, Chase is going to get hurt. I don't like Chase in a intimate way I like him in a friendly way. Chase doesn't deserve that. Third of all it's possibly the dumbest piece of shit I've ever heard of.

"Jessica you could get fired." I reason as I follow behind Jessica as we reenter the office.

Jessica is way past listening to any suggestions of mine since I haven't suggested anything to add to her cause.

"Ness!" Jacob's voice bellow's I flinch as I come out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" I ask quietly.

"We have some imports coming in tomorrow morning. Jessica and I are going to be out for a couple of hours. I need you to revise some more reports. That will hold you over until we come back from the dock." I nod my head. The thought of Jessica being alone with Jacob for a whole morning makes my stomach churn; especially since I know of her little plan.

"Okay." I say weakly.

"Are you okay?" the fact alone that Jacob cares if I'm okay literally stuns me into silence for a moment. I end up blushing like crazy and look down feeling like a total idiot.

"Yeah I'm fine." I say lightly while walking out of his office.

"Wait are the revisions already on my desk?" I ask while peeking my head back into Jacob's office. Jacob nods and chuckles at me as I rush off to my desk. The rest of the day I get through my revisions, Jake was right this is going to take until next morning.

When I was heading out I caught Jessica leaning into Jacob as he discussed something with her. I'm sure Jacob didn't notice how close they were but Jessica was all to aware. I shake my head and continue walking out. Once I get home I heat up the oven since I'm making meat loaf.

I decide to call Mary after I pulled on my pajamas.

"Wow that Jessica chick is moving in on your territory." Mary states as I stir the gravy for the mash potatoes.

"Mary I don't like Chase as much as I thought I did." I say with a sigh. I already told her that. It's like shit comes in one ear and out the other.

"No idiot not that Chase dude. I meant Jacob." I almost drop the spoon.

"What! Jacob is not my territory. Mary he's his girlfriend, Vivian's territory." I say as I start stirring once again.

Mary lets out a laugh, "What Ness do not act like you don't think that Jacob likes you. You know he does, everyone knows when a guy acts like a dick towards you he likes. I learned that shit in like Pre-K." Mary says as if it's the most obvious concept in the world.

"No, no, no." I continue to ramble off no's as Mary tries to make me understand.

"No! Jacob is not in my territory. Mary Jacob is like…" I trail off.

"Like what?" Mary asks. I can just picture a smug smile forming on her face.

"Like…I just can't go there. Mary, Jacob just started letting me eat my lunch. That's a sign of he likes me in a friendly way. Gosh he doesn't have some secret crush on me!" I yell into the phone.

"Whoa chill Ness. I was just saying, no need for you to go all megaphone on me." Mary mumbles. I shake my head fiercely even though she can't see me. I have no clue why I got so spastic over that one little comment.

"How has your sister been doing?" Mary asks completely over my mini breakdown.

"I don't know I haven't talked her since she dropped me off like a lost orphan at Charlie's." I say.

"She must be getting some serious relaxation." Mary says with a snort. I frown not in the mood to talk period. I tell Mary I have something to do, I'm sure she knows I'm lying but overall she hangs up. I continue to run around the kitchen checking the food finally everything is done just as Charlie comes home.

"Meat loaf?" Charlie asks with a huge grin once he comes back downstairs after changing.

"Yep." I say as I bite on a roll.

My mind is definitely not in this kitchen it's far away back at the office wondering if just maybe Mary is right_. Does Jacob like me? _I doubt it besides people like Jessica and Mary live by the high school mentality. Jessica's plan to get Jacob jealous only works in high school, Mary's theory about Jacob only works in high school too.

But I can't help but think that Mary could be just a tad bit right. I groan as I chew my food. Charlie glances at me wondering if my stomach hurts.

"Swallowed to fast." I say as I get up to wash my plate. I finish quickly and decide I clean up my mess later. I walk upstairs and close my door. I sit on my bed and close my eyes. I'm truly pissed off at Mary for even planting that thought into my head. Now I can't get it out. I have to keep chanting to myself that it's just a simple lie.

The scary thing is I have a feeling in the very bottom part of my gut that its not.

The next day as I type up the revisions I hear my name being called by Jacob. I get up slowly since I got zero sleep last night. I let out a yawn as I see Jacob in a apparent pissy mood. I hold back the sigh that I'm about to let out.

I don't need Biatch Jacob to make an appearance right now.

"You need to come to the port with me for the shipments." Jacob says as he starts to stand up.

"What?" I ask sobering up.

"Jessica has some family issue or something. I need you to come with me to the ports. We'll only be there for an hour or two, I'll be lenient on the revisions don't worry about that." I nod my head as this all sinks in. I walk back to my cubicle and pull on my jacket. I don't take my purse since we'll be back in a few hours.

"So are you driving?" I ask as I walk next to Jacob as we head out of the office.

Jacob nods and I follow until we hit the parking lot. It's cold as a bitch outside, the frosty air literally bites at my exposed skin. I stuff my hands into my pockets as we walk to his car. Jacob doesn't seem as affected by the cold as me, he always was warm.

Jacob pulls out the key and I hear a beeping noise. I turn to see a silver Jaguar beep as it unlocks. My jaw falls a tad bit slack, the car is parked next to my beaten down truck.

"Your car makes mine look like garbage." whisper in awe as I head for the passenger side. Jacob just chuckles as we get inside the interior is a nice creamy off white. This car is so smooth.

"I guess I should wipe the drool off of my face." I grumble as I buckle up.

"I'm sure back in L.A you see a ton of nice cars." Jacob says as we speed out of the parking lot.

"Oh no this is probably the nicest automobile I've seen in a fairly long time." I whisper as I run my fingers over the smooth leather.

"I saw a commercial for this, it's like the XF 2011 right?" I ask now glancing at Jacob he puts one hand on the steering wheel lazily and looks at me with a smirk.

"Yeah." I cheer happy with myself for getting something car related right. I lean into turn on the radio flicking through stations. I settle on a station that's not playing anything to poppy for my taste. As we continue down the road I notice vegetation starts becoming replaced with sand and beaches soon enough we drive under a archway that says 'Seattle Ports'. Jacob parks in the mini parking lot and we get out.

"So what are we doing exactly?" I lean into Jacob to ask. I honestly have no clue what the hell we are doing here.

"We have to check monthly on how are shipments are doing. So I come down here with Jessica to go over any issues the guys have. It usually takes about an hour." Jacob says lowly in my ear. I shiver as his warm breath hits my ear.

He must assume it's the breeze that comes through because he asks if I'm too cold. I say no and continue to walk with him to the ports. We enter some small room only to see two big guys watching a rerun of a "Simpson's" episode. The guys laugh hearty as Homer attempts to hammer a nail into the roof.

"Hey guys." Jacob says. His tone manages to come off casual yet formal.

"Oh hey Jake. Where's Jessica?" one of the guys ask.

"This is just my other assistant. Jessica had some family issues." the guy seems as if he's truly worried about Jessica. I take that she has probably fucked him before.

Jacob soon gets down to business asking questions about how many imports we've been getting each month blah, blah, blah. I start tuning him out and watching the "Simpson's" episode. I know it's probably not a good idea but Jacob seems like he's handling it fairly well.

"Ness?" I feel Jacob's warm hands through my coat and on my thigh.

"Yes?" I squeak.

"It's time to go. Not unless you want to finish watching TV with these guys?" Jacob asks with a smirk. I let out a nervous laugh and stand up with him. I still feel those little butterflies that sprung up where Jacob touched my thigh.

"So was I supposed to really pay attention?" I ask as we get into the car.

"Not really, Jessica only comes to take notes. You didn't miss anything today so were fine." Jacob says while pulling out. I nod know lost deep in thought as I watch him drive. My thoughts are too busy thinking of all the possibilities that we could've done if it was just Jake and I in that closed off room.

"You coming?" Jacob asks.

"Yes." I say a little too loud as I come out of my thoughts. I blush after I realize that I sound like I'm actually cumin. Jacob looks at me quizzically and I blush. I get out of the car hoping he totally didn't just notice my little slip up.

"I'll go ahead so I can get those revisions done." I hurry off ahead of Jacob into the building. I am incredibly embarrassed at myself.

"Shit." I hiss as I start typing. I must've looked so dumb ogling over him like that. He probably thinks I'm just as immature as I was back in high school. I continue typing until my stomach growls. I take the time to go get a bag of chips and a can of coke.

I am just about done typing when I get startled when Jacob says my name. I turn around so fast that I spill my drink all over his pants.

"Fuck!" I yell as I look at the huge stain forming on his leg. I start to dab his leg with tissues that are on my desk.

"I'm so sorry." I stutter out refusing to make eye contact with Jacob. I can feel that I'm blushing like I've never blushed before.

Jacob is laughing his ass off as I continue to dab as much as possible, "It's really fine Ness. Don't worry about it." he says just as my hands nears his crotch. I instantly remove my hand from that area and throw the tissues in the trash can that is under my desk.

I reluctantly pull my eyes to meet with Jacob's. His deep set brown eyes are now filled with amusement and something else that I can't place.

"I was just saying that if your done with the revisions you can go home. Everyone else is leaving." Jacob says after clearing his throat several times. I look around quickly; everybody has left. I guess I was intent on getting these done by the end of the day that I spaced out completely.

"That's fine I'm done. All I have to is print them out." I say as I get up. My chest brushes up against Jacob's as I walk past. I glance at Jacob and his eyes are now almost black. I blush and scurry off to the printer. I take my time until I'm sure Jacob and mine's little moment has passed.

"Done." I say handing him the papers. Jacob looks them over for a second.

"Great job. You can go home now, I'm just going to print up some more stuff." Jacob says turning around to go off to the printer. I give him a little wave as I leave the office.

I walk to the truck with my hands stuffed in my pockets. I'm still in a little daze from what happened earlier or all day for that fact. Jacob was just so nice, sweet, and funny. That's a huge 360 from how he was last week, practically starving me, cursing me out in front of the office.

Maybe Mary is right.

**A/N: Review and tell me how you feel! Sorry about the grammar mistakes, I was in a rush!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I loved reading them!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight…**

Chapter 9: Blackmail

"I'm not doing that." I say to Jessica as she pushes some stack of folders in my hands.

"Why?" Jessica whines.

"Um it's unprofessional." I say with an eyebrow quirk. Jessica huffs and walks away. Jessica asked me to go into Jacob's office to ask how his relationship with his girlfriend Vivian was. I can't do that at all, Jacob would probably assume I meant more than what the question was really worth.

It's been a week since I spilled that soda on his leg. Jacob has literally just started conversing with me, laughing with me. I can't just come up to him and ask how is relationship with his girlfriend. I may be his personal assistant but I don't ask about his life _period_. Jessica has cornered me twice today saying that she wants me to ask that one little question.

"Come on you know you want to." Jessica reason as I type this report.

"No, fuck Jessica. Why don't you just do it? This is your genius plan to get Jacob to butt fuck you." I say with an eye roll not making eye contact with her. Jessica spins my chair around and forces me to look at her flaming sea blue eyes.

"Do it or I'll find some way to get you fired." I frown as she threatens me.

"You don't have anything on me." I say defensively. If Jessica wants to play the bitch game I'll play it right back.

"Yeah like I don't know how you and Chase went out on a date together two weeks ago." I stiffen instantly. Jessica smiles smugly knowing she has got me there.

"How do you know?" I ask with a frown.

"It was pretty obvious, I heard you two talking and I saw those huge ass grins you two were wearing on Monday." I look away not ready to make eye contact with Jessica anymore. I really don't want to ask Jacob about his girlfriend but I also don't want him to hear about the Chase thing.

Just because Jacob laughs at my jokes does not mean he won't hesitate to fire for having an inner office date.

"I'll do it tomorrow." I say turning around in my chair to face the computer.

"No you'll do it now." Jessica whispers deviously in my ear.

Before I can react she's gone. _Shit!_ She is such a bitch no wonder Bella thought she was so fucking fake. All Jessica does is follow the first person who will like her. No one likes her in this office so she decides to bitch off to everyone.

I angrily type until I'm done. I finish typing and I walk over to the printer I wait very impatiently for my report to come up. Jessica walks past me giving me a bitchy smile. I've never considered homicide but this chick is pushing it.

I grab the damn paper and stomp down to Jacob's office. He's on the phone when I enter so I wait for a second. I look around the office hoping I will find a picture of his girlfriend. I need something to help spout up the subject of Vivian. I can't just pull the question of how is sex life is going out of my ass.

"Sorry, so what do you want?" Jacob asks politely.

"Um…" I say looking at him for a full minute before I break eye contact.

"Ness?" Jacob asks confused.

"Here's your report." I say finally while handing him the paper quickly. Jacob looks over it for a second and then nods satisfied. I snap my head in Jessica's direction I see her grinning at me. I flash her a middle finger and turn back to Jacob before I can catch her reaction.

"Jake how'd you meet your girlfriend?" I ask plain and simple. Jacob looks shocked. He looks at me almost as if he's not sure if he heard me correctly. I stand there for another moment wondering if he's contemplating whether or not to fire me.

"I met her through mutual friends at a party. Why?" Jacob asks leaning in. I start to wander around his office so I can buy some time to come up with an answer.

I'm coming up empty, "Well it's just you don't have any pictures of yourself and her together. In fact you have no pictures of any relatives in here. Why's that?" I ask turning to him as if I'm some private investigator. Jacob leans back studying me as if I'm some complicated math problem. I hold his gaze until I pull away once again.

"Any answers?" I ask with a awkward snort.

He really needs to answer the question. My job depends on it, which means my life depends on it.

"I'm not a very photogenic person Ness." I frown at that shitty answer.

"Come on Jake." I say as I walk closer to him.

"What?" Jacob asks almost scared.

"Do you not like your girlfriend?" I ask with fake innocence.

"No."

"No you don't like your girlfriend." I state as I sit on his desk, so now I'm pretty much invading his personal space.

"No, I do like my girlfriend." Jacob says while looking at me annoyed.

"Why no pictures huh?" I ask leaning in so our faces are inches away from each other.

"Because I don't want my coworkers to know what my family looks like."

"That's dumb." I say as I lean back crossing my arms over my chest.

"Leave Renesmee." Jacob says agitated now.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." I say after coming out of my detective mode. I think I get my interrogating skills from Charlie. You know him being a cop in all, Bella and I weren't allowed to come a minute past curfew without getting third degree.

"Yeah whatever." Jacob grumbles while dialing some number again.

I frown and hop off his desk slowly. I walk out of his office stiffly only to past Jessica who was waiting by the doorway for the answers. She grins at me smugly and pats me on the shoulder.

"You get a gold star." Jessica whispers as she saunters into Jacob's office. I fill a flame of anger coarse through me as I see her flirt with Jacob openly. He doesn't seem to mind. Either he's used to her flirty ways or he wants her to flirt with him.

I walk back to my desk already feeling a bad mood washing over me. Someone walks past my desk handing me some papers to copy. I go to the copy machine only to run into Chase who ignores me. He glues his eyes to the copy machine as he waits for his copies.

"Chase why are you so mad at me?" I ask getting annoyed with his little silent treatment game.

"I'm not mad at you." he says over his shoulder. I let out a detached sigh and walk to the person who told me to copy the papers. I knew it wasn't the best idea to follow what Jessica told me to do. She did say that she wouldn't hesitate to tell Jake about my little date with Chase. I think if he found out about that he would gut me like a fish.

I lean my head against my desk and squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe I should've just got a job at another grocery store where I fit in. At least I don't have to deal with blackmail there. I glance at the clock automatically shooting up since it's my time to go home. I grab my jacket, purse and I rush out without a goodbye look to anyone.

I pull out of the parking lot without a second glance. When I get home I do my therapeutic shout of anger after I enter the house and close the door. I storm upstairs and rip off my clothes to take a shower. When I step inside the shower I let out a huge sigh of frustration.

I lean against the white shower tiles my day did not end how I wanted it to. I hop out once the water begins to cool down. I pull on some sweats and a tank top only to hear the doorbell ring. I walk downstairs to get the door as I wrap my now wet hair into a ponytail.

I open the door to see a very timid Rachel eyeing me.

"Hey," I say while crossing my arms over my chest.

"Can we talk?" Rachel asks so quietly that her words get drowned out with the wind. I let her in just because I can feel the chill in the air entering the house. Rachel walks in and follows me into the kitchen where I start to look through the drawers for a take out menu.

"So what's up?" I ask after I decide to give up for a minute.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry for assuming things about you. I had no right to get you that job only on the basis of maybe you and my brother could hook up." Rachel says sincerely.

"It's fine, I kind of overreacted." I say with a wave.

"No, you reacted pretty reasonably. I would have cussed me out if I did what I did too." Rachel says with a little smile.

"We all have a dumbass moment." I say as I smirk back at her.

"Yeah we do." Rachel starts laughing and I know were good.

"So how's the job actually going?" I pause for a second debating if I should tell her of the recent events. So much has changed since we last spoke. I decide to go ahead and if Rachel knows how to be a true friend I'm sure she won't go and ramble off to Jacob about my confessions.

I tell her everything as we watch TV. I ordered some Chinese from Port Angeles. I was so surprised that they even deliver all the way out here. I guess business is business.

"Wow." Rachel gasps once I finish my chronicles.

"That Jessica is a total witch." Rachel says nearly stunned.

"Tell me something I don't know." I grumble as I turn the channel.

"I think you need to confront Jessica. What she did was out of line and possibly illegal. She's blackmailing you Ness. Your risking your job and probably your newly found relationship with Jacob." Rachel says.

"Rachel I have zero relationship with Jacob. It's totally professional, and I know I risked my job. I understand; I just don't know if I can confront Jessica. Jacob would slice me like Swiss cheese if he even knew Chase and I breathed the same air." I say as I stand up to grab some chips. I look through the cabinet and decide on cheesy popcorn.

"You know Jessica doesn't even stand a chance with Jake. Or even Chase." I say as I chew some popcorn.

"Why is that?" Rachel asks as she swipes the bag away from me only to take a handful of popcorn.

"She dresses like a total skank. Jacob doesn't go for that. He likes the girl next door. He's one of those dudes to fall for his best friend." I say as I stare more into space than really at the TV.

"Would you be considered the girl next door?" Rachel asks almost as if she's conjuring up a plan.

"Hey cupid snap out of it. Jacob and I, not going to happen."

_At least not anytime soon._

"What I was just thinking that Bella was his BFF and look where they ended up." Rachel says while looking at me innocently while chewing a kernel. I frown at the thought of Jacob and Bella. That wound has never fully healed, the moment I heard Bella say she and Jacob were a couple my heart stopped completely.

"Well where did it get them?" I ask Rachel back not sure what she's asking.

Rachel looks at me like the answer is super duper obvious, "Duh she dumped him like trash and went with Cullen." I grimace since I know she's right.

"I doubt Vivian is like the girl next door. She's more of the socialite next door." I say with a snort. Just thinking about what that girl looks like sends twinges of jealousy throughout my body. I haven't seen her yet but I'm sure when I do I'll feel like an ugly pig.

"Vivian, hmmm, what to say about Vivian? She's pretty much what you would think she is. I'm surprised you haven't met her yet. Jacob once told me she pops over at the office at random intervals. Jake said he hates when she does that." Rachel says while eyeing me.

"I haven't seen her." I say chewing on some popcorn. The door opens suddenly and I see Charlie walk through.

"Hey dad, I ordered Chinese." I say as he walks toward the steps.

"Okay." my dad says simply. I turn back to Rachel who is preparing to leave.

"Your not staying?" I ask.

"No, I have to feed Paul and Billy. But I'll come over tomorrow; if that Jessica bitch bothers you…" Rachel trails off and lets me fill in the blank with some crazy form of torture she could pull.

"I understand Rach." I say with a laugh as she walks out of the house. Right after Rachel leaves the food comes. I plant my ass right back on the couch with my box of Chinese food. I spend most of my time trying to figure out how to operate the damn chop sticks. Finally I give up and grab a fork.

Once I'm done Charlie tells me he won't be home tomorrow apparently he has some convention to go to. I nod not really giving it much attention. The convention is being held in like Arizona so he won't be home until next Monday.

Since it's Thursday I know I'll have a nice time by myself this weekend. I retire to upstairs once I begin to not be able to keep my eyes open. Sleep overcomes me. The next morning I pull on light gray sweater dress with flats. I pull my hair into a messy bun and I find my glasses.

When I get to work I see Jessica in another hushed conversation with Jacob. I shake my head and shrug out of my jacket. Jessica walks past me only to drop pounds worth of folders on my desk. It has a post it note on it saying sort by year. I let out a sigh and begin to open a folder.

"Oh Renesmee, can you meet me in the ladies room?" I look over my shoulder to see Jessica smiling at me too nicely.

I don't even answer her I just get up.

"What Jessica?" I ask leaning against the counter and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I just want to say Jacob isn't too happy with you." I shoot Jessica daggers.

"Maybe it's because someone blackmailed me into asking him those questions." I counter.

"Sweetie you made blackmailing you so easy." I have to fight the boiling anger that is rising in my entire system. Jessica smiles grandly as I visibly grow angrier with her. This is just so ugh! I can't even put it into words how mad I am at this, this, awful girl!

"Jessica don't talk to me anymore. If you are going to I want it to be for work." storm out of the bathroom.

I'm so pissed off I storm out of the building. I start to pace the area of the front entrance. I lean up against the cold concrete. I stare at the perfectly paved sidewalk with even more anger boiling over. _I don't need this job! _Well I do need this job, its just I don't need this bullshit.

I'm too close with everyone in this fucking office. Whether I'm fighting hunger with Jacob. Or I'm having a mean girls moment with Jessica there's always something. I haven't had a normal day of work in this office in god knows how long.

"Ness?" I look up to see Jacob looking at me worriedly.

I shoot up instantly. I'm sure Jacob is about to put me through the wringer for taking a break without his permission.

"I just needed some air." I say as my anger drifts away as I look into Jacob's eyes. All I feel now is just remorse. I wish I didn't agree to do the things I did.

"Are you sure? You need to talk about it?" Jacob asks walking over to me. He's so close I can the feel that heat that always seems to radiate off of Jacob. I look down almost sadly as I pull my eyes back to Jacob. I haven't seen anyone look at me so tenderly or caring in such a long time. I almost wrap my arms around his neck and let him hold me.

I suddenly feel an intense need; hunger for his comfort.

"I'm fine." I whisper ignoring the feeling and walking back into the office.

Walking back into hell.

**A/N: Jessica is getting crazy! Review, she is only about to get more crazy.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 10: Little Bitch

Next Monday after my disastrous week I was more quiet and low key. I refused to make any eye contact with Jessica. But whenever I did look her in the eye she had this permanent smug look on her face. It was as if she knew I was suffering and it amused her to no end. Jacob knew that Jessica and I were not on the best of terms. He finally decided to just leave me alone and let me sulk in peace.

I presumed my typing after I took a bite from my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Me being my forgetful self totally lost track of packing a drink. I groan and throw my head back as I slide out of my chair and walk to the vending machine. I stand at the vending machine wondering what I want to drink. I press in the code for a Pepsi and wait patiently.

I stare off into space smiling to myself slightly. I have more money in my account than I've had in along time. That is definitely a plus; I'm slowly achieving my goal of paying off all of my bills, loans, payments, whatever. I have to give myself maybe another month and I can start paying stuff off.

I almost break into a happy dance. My stint in Forks might actually be a little less longer than I imagined. Being in the situation I am with Jessica makes the thought of escaping Forks once again wonderful. I take my soda from the slot and walk back to my desk. The office is buzzing since in a week or two that Aro Volturi dude is supposed to come over to the office and finalize plans on letting us ship some of his products.

It's some huge ass deal apparently. I still don't have a tight grasp on exactly what this company does but from the sound of all the worries and numerous nervous breakdowns we've been hearing about all week, this Volturi guy is serious.

Jacob hasn't been a total pain in my ass but he has definitely turned up my work load a notch. I haven't had time to really do anything but work, get lunches, lattes, etc. Another thing that has baffled and scared me a little bit is Bella has not contacted me in anyway. I thought about calling her and when I did I got her voice mail. I came to the conclusion she would talk to me when she got herself together.

I stand firm on my statement about her finding someone who truly cares about her. Edward is not the prince charming she thought he was. He's more like the evil guy in the fairytale.

"Hey can we talk?" Jacob asks me.

I turn around in my chair confused for a moment. I stand up and walk behind Jacob sluggishly to his office. I wish I knew what he was about to ask me. We continued past his office and that's when I started to get suspicious. I was having a mental breakdown when we reached outside and were standing in the very same spot I was standing in to cool off last week.

I look down and start playing with my fingers not sure where anything is going.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I ask while only giving Jacob about half of my focus. The rest of my focus is on a whole bunch of other ways this conversation could end.

"You look detached this past week. Are you sure nothing is wrong?" Jacob asks.

"I'm truly fine Jacob." I say looking him dead in the eye to emphasize my point. Jacob isn't buying it though, he's known me since before I could walk. Even though Jacob's attention was always spent on Bella doesn't mean he hasn't caught a few of my quirks.

"Ness don't lie to me. What's going on? Is it Jessica, who is it?" I'm not going to rat out Jessica. I would not only look like a snitch but I would also lose my job in the process of doing it.

"Jacob why do you care?" I snap back.

"Because I need to make this work environment as stress free as possible. We have Aro Volturi showing up next week. I can't have all of this drama floating around the office. So why don't you just tell me what is wrong so I can solve it." Jacob counters.

"I can fight my own battles Jake. I don't need you to solve a damn thing for me." I say with an eye roll.

Jacob almost looks hurt. I frown and drop my arms that were crossed over my chest. I messed up big time, Jacob recovers and tells me to go back to work. I walk quickly back to my desk so I can just wallow in self pity in private.

I bang my hand against my forehead, "Stupid." I mutter to myself.

"You are definitely stupid." Jessica chides.

"Copy this and I need a latte from the Starbucks." Jessica says while checking her tacky manicure. I frown but stand up. I need some fresh air anyway. My mind is going to get clogged up pretty quickly if I continue to breath the same air as this dragon.

"Sure." I say while pulling on my jacket. Jessica pauses me shooting me an order of all the stuff she wants and doesn't want in her latte. I nod and walk to the star bucks that is around the corner. I wait patiently as the awkward teenager who is clearly new to the job attempts to make a Frappucino.

The manger steps in and finishes the job for the young man.

"How may I help you?" the manger asks tiredly.

I give him my order and he gets right to making the latte. When I get back I decide I'll copy whatever the hell Jessica wanted me to. I look around the little café almost wishing that I worked here instead of at my office. I really am starting to wish the building would burn the fuck down.

"Here you go. Anything else miss?" the manger asks. I say no and use the money Jessica gave me to pay for the damn drink. I walk back to the office hoping to the high heavens that by the time I get back it'll be time for me to go home. I walk as slow as I can will my body, I don't want to go too slow seeing as it feels like fifty below zero right now. I enter the lobby, the receptionist gives me a knowing look.

I feel like me and this dude have some strange understanding. He gets that I hate this job with my life.

I knock on Jacob's door since Jessica is in there surrounded by the pack as I now like to call Jacob's buddies.

"Here." I say through clenched teeth. Jessica senses my shitty mood and continues to aimlessly flirt with Embry. I hope Embry is better than that, I know he can do way better than this bitch. I turn around on my heels just as Jacob calls my name, I walk back so now all eyes are on me.

"Yes?" I ask while playing with my fingers in my jacket pockets.

"I need you to stay a little late tonight." _damn._

"Alright, what do you need?" I ask trying to sound as peppy as I can.

"We all are staying late so you'll just hang around feeding us. Getting drinks, food, etc." _Is kicking your ass on the itinerary? _I nod understandingly only to hear Jessica's nails on the chalk board laugh.

"Did you see her face?" she shrieks.

I fight the urge - no the need to rip her blonde hair from the roots and spin it around my head like a banshee. _Relax Ness, a few more weeks and this is just a utterly horrible memory in your life. Just like your childhood._ I take a seat at the desk cracking my knuckles only to realize I have to copy Jessica's damn papers.

After I finish with the copies I walk back into Jacob's office, "Jessica." I say sense she clearly lost her sense of hearing and feeling. I tapped her shoulder numerous amounts of times and she was completely oblivious to my presence. I almost threw the fucking papers in her lap.

"What?" she asks through gritted teeth.

"The copies." I say like it's the dumbest question I've ever heard.

"I asked for these copies nearly an hour ago." she looks at me like I'm inferior to her suddenly. Me being the human being that I am is totally shocked at her change of mood. Well technically is was more of a shift from bitchy to demonic.

"I could've gotten them to you quicker if you didn't ask me to go on a latte run." I say now crossing my arms across my chest defensively. She is not about to play the you're a terrible assistant game.

"It's not my fault you walk slow. In fact everything you do is never too quickly. Are you slow Renesmee?" Jessica asks cocking her head to the side. Now Jacob's office has reached a dead silence. I spare a glance around the room, all the guys are focusing on Jessica and I.

"No Jessica I learn at a normal speed." I say looking back at a now sneering Jessica.

"You sure? In high school you were a little bit slow to catch up to things. Like how Jacob didn't like you like you liked him in school." _What?_

"What?" I ask now almost panicking.

"You heard me." Jessica snaps back.

"I clearly didn't if I had to say what Jessica." I say now backing out of the office. I definitely don't need to hear this from her. Especially not in front of Jacob and my coworkers. I don't look unprofessional in this situation Jessica does. What would provoke her to do such a thing? This isn't just humiliating its plain old rude.

I don't even pretend to listen to Jessica's next comment I just back out of the office until I reach my desk. I grab my bag and jacket. The next thing I know I'm lying on the couch staring at the ceiling.

I just stare at the ceiling not really forming any coherent thoughts. My mind is in a flutter, I'm trying to think if I should burn the office building down or if I should just up and leave Forks again. I don't think I could do that to Charlie though. He just got me back I doubt he wants me to run off again.

I shake my head, that's not fair. I was totally mistreated at my job. What Jessica did was flat out irresponsible, rude, disgusting, and stupid. How immature did she look bringing high school up. _Um very stupid. _If Jacob had any sense or respect for me he would fire her.

"Little bitch." I mutter. I've been at home for at least two hours just sitting there wondering what I'm going to do with the mess that is my life all of a sudden. I've gone through too much shit this past year. From getting broken up with by Nahuel, to getting evicted.

"You thought things couldn't get worse. But oh yes they can Renesmee." I say in a deep commenter type of voice. I laugh at myself.

_I'm so fucking crazy._

The doorbell rings several times until I decide this person isn't going to leave on their free will. I crawl on the floor so I can just look out the curtain to check out who is outside. I see a Jaguar and I realize it's Jacob. The urge to tear down the door and let Jacob hold me is suppressed by anger and the need to be alone.

I crawl up the stairs hoping Jacob will take the hint and leave me the fuck alone. I look out the window and I notice him looking at me through the window. I instantly move the curtain back and walk into the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Go away, go away…" I chant this to myself hoping he will just leave.

Finally the doorbell stops and I crawl and peek out the window once again.

_He's gone._

I let out a sigh of relief and lean my head against the wall. I run my fingers through my hair and just sit there for a moment. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to just sit there and take what Jessica did to me? Do I play the bitch role right back and fuck her up emotionally and physically? The second choice sounds so wonderful but I know I can't do that.

_I need this job._

Screw it I'll go to the nearest Wal-Mart and get a job. At least there I won't get emotionally harassed. Plus I was starved. If you think about it I have a pretty solid lawsuit.

_No you don't._

I drop my head into my hands and rub my eyes. I need to just sleep on it. I can't think correctly right now. Nothing is making sense besides I really am about to pass out. I climb into my bed with my work clothes still on. I pull the covers up to my chin. I feel like such a kid.

That's been the story of my life ironically.

I've come from wanting to freedom, adventure, crazy shit. Now all I want is, shelter, comfort, stability. Crazy how you can literally grow up and want totally different things all in a matter of a year.

I let everyone baby me and I didn't even know it. Nahuel babied me and I didn't know it. He gave me a stable environment to live in. That's why I was so eager to move in with him after only two weeks of dating. I needed, I craved that comfort. The thought that when I wake up the next morning I know what I'm doing.

When Nahuel broke up with me, I didn't have that routine. I was lost, I fell broke my ass bone and my life went out of order. I need order or else…I'll crash and burn.

Stability makes my world twirl.

I squeeze my eyes shut praying I'll knock off and I'll wake up with all of the answers tomorrow morning. The next morning I don't want to do anything but stay in my bed. I roll around in my covers whining, groaning, and moaning. It's like back in high school how I would promise myself I would get up in two minutes. Two minutes turns into twenty minutes, twenty turns into two hours.

"Do I quit or not?" I ask myself aloud as I sit up in the bed. Somehow in the middle of the night I shrugged out of my pants. I start to walk around the room taking my time to think. I don't pay attention to how I'm literally two hours late for work. It's not like there expecting me anyway. For all they care I jumped off of a fucking cliff.

I can't just quit though. I need the money, but there is always other jobs. Besides I'll have a new job to put on my resume other than waitress and cashier. My mind is saying _'Fuck them, quit!' _my body is screaming, _'Don't let them get the better of you, stay!' _

I hate that I'm actually going with my bodies idea. I refuse to let those leeches get the best of me. I'm not a quitter but I think even I know when enough is a enough.

I say I'll take it till the end of the week. Then I'm quitting, I head to the shower since I feel extra dirty for sleeping in my work clothes. I think absently that I need to wash my sheets now. I strip down and hop in the warm shower. I scrub, rinse, scratch whatever. I'm getting clean.

I get out with my already long hair falling to my butt now. I blow dry it and pull it into a ballerina type bun. I find a high wasted black pencil skirt. A scoop neck long sleeve black t-shirt. I slide on those leopard print heels that Rachel bought me.

I'm determined to act as if Jessica's little comment did nothing more to me than she intended. We all know what Jessica's intension's were. She was trying to make me cry or some lame shit like that in front of Jacob and confess all the naughty little stuff I've done in the office.

_Well it must suck to be Jessica! Cause I have not cracked, yet._

I get my jacket and purse and I'm out. The ride over to the office I'm clenching the steering wheel so tight my knuckles are literally white. I loosen my grip once I realize my knuckles are starting to hurt. I lean back and let out a sigh as I stop at the stop light. I'm so into my thoughts that I don't realize the light turn green.

I panic and punch the gas of course the truck only goes fifty miles per hour so I'm not going as fast I imagined. I pull into the lot slowly almost gravely, I park and get out. As I walk into the office I stuff my hands into my jacket pockets. I keep my head up though. I need to stand tall, and strong.

I past Jacob's office not even thinking of looking towards that area.

I take a seat at my desk only to see a post it note saying to meet Jacob in his office. I frown wishing I could at least have ten minutes to myself before I interact with him. Coming to work was a bad idea, now all I want to do is go the hell home and die there.

_Suck it up Swan! _I shout to myself.

I stand up and walk to my bosses office. I have a strange feeling I'm going to be thrown a curve ball.

**A/N: I thought that chapter ending sucked but oh well. Review and tell me what you think! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Big thanks for all the reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 11: Shit just hit the fan

I walked into Jacob's office cautiously. I know something is not going to end the way I want it to. I sit down across from Jacob. It seems as if he's purposefully avoiding eye contact with me. I frown not taking that as a good sign.

"So what is it?" I ask hoping he'll jut get it over with.

"I'm going to put this as politely as possible…" Jacob trails off. I start to fidget in my seat. _This is bad, so bad._

"Your fired." Jacob says after taking a deep breath. I make full on complete eye contact with him now. My eyes are wide and I can feel tears pricking at the rims but I refuse to let them fall in front of this man. Jacob notices I'm a wreaking mess on the inside.

"Why?" I choke out.

"I think you should get your stuff -"

"No, why am I fired Jacob?" I hiss angrily now. He should at least man up and tell me why I'm being the one punished for Jessica's silly actions. I was merely a victim if anything. Jacob has to see that, I don't care if he hates me with every fiber in his body. I was _antagonized._

"Renesmee leave." Jacob says looking at me coldly.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me." I say crossing my arms over my chest defensively. He is going to have to fucking carry me out kicking and screaming. I _need_ to know why I'm getting fired.

"Get up." Jacob snaps.

"Tell me." I command. _He has to tell me. _

"I have a right to know Jacob." I say strongly. I'll take his ass to court if he doesn't tell me. I'm passed feeling sad and moody. I'm in full blown pissed off mode. How dare he fire me!

"You broke my rule about inter office dating. Also you working here has just put a strain on the working environment. I think it would be best for all of us if you could just leave. We all need to concentrate, with the Aro Volturi meeting coming up soon, I don't need this drama." I lean back in the seat sucking my teeth. I eye him like the sad excuse for a man that he is.

"How did you figure out that I went out on a mediocre date with Chase?" I ask looking down now. Jessica wanted to be a little snitch then I'll get her fired too. I don't deserve this, I'm not leaving this office without a damn good fight. I'm going to make a huge ass scene.

"Jessica informed me yesterday after your confrontation with her in my office." Jacob says formally. I nod my head and a malicious smile curves my face.

"Jessica claims that she is this perfect worker. The whole time I've worked here she has dumped all of her work on me. Jessica also has this retarded plan of getting you jealous by sleeping with Chase. She thinks that if she admits that she and Chase had something you'll get jealous and fall into her lap. Where is her little meeting to get fired Jacob?" I ask cocking my head to the side.

"Jessica told me yesterday also about her plan. I put her on suspension." apparently he thought of everything.

"So Jessica gets suspended with pay probably. And I get what? Fired. That's not fair." I state like a whiny teenager.

"No it is fair. Jessica admitted her wrong doing. While you on the other hand blatantly ignored my rule. You also planned on acting like you did not go on that mediocre date with Chase." Jacob says twisting my words up and throwing them back at me.

I crack, "Jacob I need this job. I'm in a shit load of money trouble." I whisper so no one outside of us can hear.

"You should've thought about that before you broke my only rule for you." Jacob says like a condescending Kindergarten teacher. _I am such a child._

"Can I get another chance?" I ask desperately.

"No." Jacob says while standing up and putting on his suit jacket. I just sit there looking and feeling miserable. I constantly joked about getting fired but I didn't actually think I would. Out of all the things I could get fired over, why this?

"There is absolutely nothing I can do to make this all go away?" I ask turning in my seat to look at Jacob before he leaves his office.

"No." Jacob says coldly. I look long and hard into his eyes hoping I can find any sense of remorse. Anything that will show I have another chance. There isn't anything. Jacob really doesn't want to see me again. I can almost accept that. What I can't accept is that I'm getting fired. Whether its my pride or me just being my plain old stubborn self; but I think there is more to this.

Jacob isn't just firing me over what I did with Chase. There's more _so_ much more.

"Jacob are you firing me over what happened in high school?" I ask hoping it isn't the truth. The first sign of emotion on Jacob's face tells me it has everything to do with us.

"No." Jacob says now walking out of the office. I get up quickly and hurry after him. Jacob goes to the elevators and I hop in with him. Jacob tries to click buttons to get us to stop. I press the emergency button and I stop the elevator completely. Jacob is fuming now, like I said I'm not leaving without making a scene.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jacob asks truly mad at me.

"You are going to tell me why you hate me so fucking much. I understand that is was dumb of me to completely disregard your rule of dating. But come one seriously that is not enough of a reason to fire me." I say crossing my arms over my chest.

"That is reason enough for me." Jacob says glowering at me.

"No Black its definitely not. So lets just get it all out in the open. I loved you in high school. I loved even though I knew you had this incredible bond with Bella. In fact I loathed the idea of you even thinking about her in a romantic way. For years I envied Bella; constantly trying to figure out what she had that I didn't."

"I was the better person for you. Bella didn't love you as much as I did. When I told you in high school how you had zero chance with Bella and to just let go of her, I'm so sorry. It was harsh, cruel and pretty heartless, but I just felt the need to let my true feelings filter out. The moment the words left my mouth I knew nothing between us would ever be the same. I was okay with that a little bit. I needed to grow up and let you go, Jacob you fueled my need to leave Forks." the words just flowed out.

Now I can't take them back, as a matter of fact I don't want to take them back. It feels kind of liberating to say what I've been thinking for the past five years nearly. I can't take my emotions being locked up anymore.

Jacob has gone an unnatural shade of white. I almost think he might pass out. Then it would surely become a emergency. Jacob is looking at me as if I've just punched him in the gut. I stand my ground though, he needed to hear how much pain and rejection I felt all those years.

His life may have been perfect with Bella but mine was shit.

"Ness I'm sorry?" it comes out as a question his face is all scrunched up in confusion.

I let out a laugh and shake my head, "You don't get it." I say while laughing at him.

"Jacob I'm not going to break my back for you. I'm not going to pretend I enjoy this job or hell even this state. I hate it here, I did not come back to Washington just for you. I came back here because I needed money. You know what forget it, I'm done trying to make any of this make sense. If you it doesn't make sense to me it sure as hell won't click for you." I turn off the emergency button and the elevator goes back to the first floor. I walk out without a backwards glance. I walk into the office get my bag and jacket.

I walk out to the parking lot get in the car and drive back to the house. When I get in the house, I pull off my tight ass clothes, I pull on some jeans and a black camisole. I find my sneakers and sweatshirt, I begin to pack all of my stuff.

I write Charlie a letter saying I have to go back to L.A. for some dumb reason. I apologize for leaving on such a short notice again. I take some food from the cupboard and I get in the truck and pull out. I stop at the nearest ATM and check my balance. I have two thousand dollars in the account. I contemplate how much it would cost for me to get to Mexico on two thousand dollars.

I decide against Mexico and settle on Arizona. I pay for my gas and pull out. I stop when I hit L.A. I stop by Mary's apartment. I knock a couple of times until the door opens. Mary looks at me wide eyed literally stunned.

"Oh shit! What happened?" Mary ushers me inside. The apartment is just as dirty as when I left.

"Who the hell is it!" Mary's roommate shouts.

"My friend!" Mary yells back agitated. Mary pulls me into the kitchen and I sit down hesitantly. I sit across from Mary who is eyeing me nervously. Its as if she's expecting me to burst into tears at any moment. I'm expecting myself to burst out into tears in moment actually. I look down and eye the wooden table.

I let everything float out. I tell Mary all of my hardships, even the one's I discussed with her over the phone already. I tell her how liberated I felt after I told Jacob how I felt these past years. I explain how I feel an inch of regret for leaving my father in the dust once again. I talk about how I truly might hate Bella even though I know she can't help who falls in love with her.

I moan about how Bella is in a sinking marriage and I hope she gets through it. It's fairly obvious that Edward is a total jackass. For some odd reason she can't notice that. I guess love is truly blind.

"I don't want you to go back to that place again." Mary says sounding like my mother.

"I don't want to go back either." I mumble as I wipe my nose. I'm not crying but I do have a bad case of a runny nose. Mary hands me some tissues and I blow long and hard. I scrunch my face up in disgust as I look at the odd yellowish green color on the tissue once I finish blowing.

"You know you didn't deserve a damn thing from any of those people." Mary says as she begins to make me something to eat. I tell her to stop cooking. I'd prefer if we just went out to eat, I'm still afraid to eat anything in this junk hole.

"This is your car?" Mary asks skeptically as we walk into the parking lot on our way to go eat.

"Yeah it was my sister's back in high school." I say nonchalantly. After driving this piece of shit on wheels the ugliness isn't as surprising anymore. Mary just nods and slides into the passenger seat. I put my duffle bag in the bed of the truck. We pull into some diner after arguing over where to eat for ten minutes.

"Like I said before about not deserving anything those people did to you, it was utterly fucked up. From being stabbed in your back by your sister basically to having the boss from hell. Then that evil girl Jessica blackmailed you. If you do go back to Forks it should be to burn down that god for saken building." Mary mutters as she chews on the appetizer of chicken wings.

"I'm not going back to that place even if it was for a wonderful event like that." I say as I grab a celery stick and dip it into some ranch dressing. Mary nods agreeing with me. I lean back and look out the window wondering what Jacob is doing.

The moment I realize that I'm wondering what he is thinking I growl instantly. I don't like that I'm thinking about Jacob that way. Personally he doesn't deserve it.

"So what has been happening here?" I ask forcing myself away from the subject of Jacob Black.

"Nothing much other than David coming out to his parents." Mary says nonchalantly.

"What?" I shriek. Little David finally came out to his parents. He has been planning on doing that since I can remember.

"Did they kick him out?" I ask nervously. Most parents are total assholes and kick their own children out after that kind of stuff. It disgusts me that no one could possibly find someway to accept their child's sexuality.

"David said that his mom and dad already kind of knew. So its all good, in fact he just got a boyfriend. I met him last week, great guy." Mary says while licking the wing sauce from her fingers. Mary may be a total babe but she eats like a dinosaur.

"That's just great." I say in shock. Weird how everyone's life except mine is on the rise.

"What about you?" Mary looks at me confused as she swipes the last wing.

"What about me?" Mary shoots back.

"Are you doing pretty great?" I ask.

"Yeah, I can't live with my fucking roommate anymore. All she does is complain. It's like fucking living with my mother. And you know how much I hate my mother. In fact I would kill myself if I had to be in the same room with my mother. Anyway I'm getting off track here, but I'm making it. I guess I wish I could do more with myself." Mary frowns a little bit but covers it up.

"Mary do you want to leave California?" I ask as I sip my water.

Mary thinks about my question for what seems like forever. Even when our food comes she doesn't seemed fazed.

"I- I don't know." Mary stutters as she stares at her food.

"Either you do or you don't." I state lamely as I sprinkle some salt on my fries.

"I want to leave L.A but I don't have the means to." Mary mumbles as she chews on her spaghetti.

"Well I'm going to Arizona. I would go to like New York but I don't have enough money. So I was going to go to Arizona work at a diner like this get some money going, then go to New York. Get a college education and do something productive with my life. I think you should come too." I suggest as I chew on my burger. Mary stops slurping her noodle mid way.

"Ness I can't." Mary mumbles.

"Why not?" I ask agitated.

"Because I have other things tying me down right now. I don't think the best thing for me is to move out of the state." Mary grumbles as she finishes chewing.

"No leaving California would be perfect for you. It's a total fresh start -"

"Renesmee I _can't_." Mary says almost desperately.

"Can you at least tell me why?" I ask tiredly.

"I'm pregnant." Mary whispers. I look at her perplexed, Mary can't be pregnant.

"Stop lying." I say with a frown.

"I'm not. Ness I'm six weeks, and it doesn't help that I'm already showing already." Mary burst into tears in front of me. I just sit there in complete shock. My best friend, the person who I used to jokingly call a whore is pregnant. Carrying a life inside of her and as we speak is a heaping mess.

"I have no money for this child, I can't keep it Ness. I feel like those girls I used to make fun of in high school who would get pregnant. Now I'm in that same predicament minus the high school part. I can't raise a baby, what do I look like with a baby Ness? A total dumb ass." Mary continues to sob in front of me.

I don't tell her it's okay because I don't even know if it will be. How can I a train wreck myself tell my friend it will be okay. Personally I don't think this will end well. I want to kick myself in the ass for thinking like that, we will find a way out of this for the sake of this babies sanity.

"Mary we'll figure it out." I say with such conviction that Mary shoots her head up. She reminds me of how she looked a couple of weeks ago. Mascara running down her cheeks.

_A lost raccoon once again._

"Really?" she says hopefully.

"I can't guarantee it'll begin to feel fine automatically but I'll help you get it together. I think this is just another reason for us to leave L.A and go to Arizona." I say with a hopeful smile. Mary wipes her nose and thinks about it for a moment.

"Sure Ness." Mary whispers.

"Great. Eat up were leaving tonight." Mary finishes her spaghetti and I pay for the bill with cash. I take Mary back to her apartment she comes out of the apartment building and I give her a hard look, she does have a little baby bump. That bump is going to grow vastly in the next few months.

"So Arizona?" Mary asks after driving for about three hours.

"Yeah." I state not taking my eyes off of the road.

"Thank you Ness. I need to make a fresh start and so do you." Mary says with a laugh.

"Your welcome." I say distantly.

I really don't know how the hell I'm going to pull all of this together. I guess I'll figure it out when I get there, I just hope it doesn't involve Forks period.

**A/N: Was this angst filled enough? How about the whole Mary thing, and I know everyone is wondering about Jacob. I'll get there soon don't worry, just review! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for all of reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 12: Clueless

**JPOV**

Mistake after mistake is all I ever seem to fucking make. Whether its wearing my heart on my sleeve to screwing with a friendship that I've had since I was a toddler. I screw up everything and anything that could have a great outcome.

I bang my head against the wall in the men's bathroom as flashes of Renesmee's hurt and disappointment in her eyes comes out. Hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do. Yet I constantly did it, what she said about me being the reason for her running off to California made me feel so, so… I can't even come up with a word for how shitty I feel.

I have fought for the past five years to keep those memories and thoughts of high school out. My senior year was such a got damn trip it was nearly enough to make me run off too. I thought Bella was my whole world the only reason I needed to live. She was my everything, I loved her since I laid eyes on her.

What I assumed to be a innocent little crush soon turned into a full want to be near Bella all day everyday. I admitted to Bella how much I loved her in seventh grade she was a little apprehensive but nonetheless agreed to be my first official girlfriend and probably the last that I truly loved.

Renesmee was never an interest to me. We were the same age in everything, she was definitely not like Bella at all. I found it off how she loved everything I did from comic books to music. Ness was always the first one on board to do something stupid and reckless when we were younger.

Bella on the other hand would always complain about how much trouble we would get in. When Edward Cullen came to town every girl wanted him, even _my _Bella. Except Ness, I remember asking Renesmee in the lunch line what she thought of the pretty boy, "Oh he's cute if you like that Greek god look." she had said with a snort as she picked up an apple I knew she wasn't going to eat. Renesmee ate like a guy from eating, sugar coated popcorn to popsicle's dipped in caramel and sugar.

"What is your type?" I ask jokingly as I took a milk carton.

Renesmee looked down and blushed, "Um I guess…the tall dark and handsome." I was stupid enough to think she was talking about Johnny Depp or something. Not me, my relationship with Bella was deteriorating quickly. I knew it, Bella knew it and so did half of Forks. The closer she got to Cullen the harder I fought to keep her close to me.

It got to a point where Bella avoided me completely not answering my calls, not even looking at me in the hallway. I knew it was her polite way of breaking up with me. I was such a stubborn kid that I couldn't just accept it. I knew I had to find some way to contact her. When I asked Ness about talking to Bella and she snapped at me, I was furious.

I was mad at Bella, Renesmee, the whole fucking town. I was mainly mad at myself though. I knew it was the truth, the fact that later that night Bella formally broke up with me didn't help my situation. After that I decided against dating in high school. I didn't associate myself with Bella or Renesmee.

Renesmee tried to apologize numerous times every time she did I would cuss her out or simply ignore her. It got to the point where she just accepted my anger and resentment towards her. I would sometimes catch her across from the cafeteria with her group of drama geek buddies. Everyone knew those kids were obsessed with getting out of Forks.

I knew Ness always dreamed of leaving Forks and going to like New York to star in some famous Broadway production. She was so into film, theater and all of that crap. I never actually guessed that she would run out of town after graduation. Everyone from La push to Forks knew that Renesmee had run off and wasn't ever coming back.

I actually felt really torn up. The feeling passed quickly though. Charlie was a total mess. He did nothing but mope and try to think of ways he could get her to come back. We all knew that if we all went to L.A. to look for Ness she really would never come back. That summer was spent with myself exploring more of the girls on the rez, I did nothing but sleep around it only got worse when I got into the University of Washington.

My last year of college I settled down and started dating Vivian. I didn't fall in love with Vivian at all. I fell in lust, Vivian was this rich painter's daughter from Paris. Her mother is a infamous model in Paris as well. Vivian moved to Seattle to get into the fashion scene over here. Vivian assumed I was her boyfriend. She kept on telling people that's what I was so I just went along with it.

"Jake are you coming to the meeting?" Sam asks while peeking his head into the bathroom. I let out a huge sigh and follow him into the conference room. I never enjoyed my job ever, I would prefer if I could just work in some mechanic shop.

I begin to talk numbers to my coworkers in the conference room. I can tell everyone notices that I'm in a pissed off mood. No one dares to mention my talk with Renesmee. I finish the meeting and walk back into my office. I catch myself glancing at Ness's old desk only to see she isn't there.

_Right, I fired her._

This isn't a good thing. I can't feel this loss towards her. I fired Renesmee exactly for the reason I told her. She was adding stress to the work environment.

The rest of the day is quiet, no one is buzzing around the office. I can't hear conversations all the way across the office like I usually can. It's like my firing Ness put a damper on everyone's mood. When it's time for me to leave I past the receptionist Matt. He gives me a curt nod as if he wants to talk me but is too disgusted to.

By the time I get to the house. I'm pacing the hallways as if I'm expecting something major to happen suddenly. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen next. The shrill ring of the phone startles me.

"Hello?" I ask. I had some strange hope that it would be Renesmee.

"Jacob Black you have some serious explaining to do." Rachel states. I groan as I slump down on the couch. I don't have time to hear this.

"What Rach?" I ask tensely.

"Renesmee ran back off to L.A. Charlie is going ape shit. Then Paul comes home and tells me you fired Ness. What the hell is your problem? You not only ruined her life, you took Charlie's daughter from him. She barely contacted him these past five years. Now I doubt she'll ever come back." Rachel finishes her rant.

"Fuck, Rachel I already feel like shit." I say.

"Well then why the hell did you fire her?" Rachel asks quizzically.

"I don't know." _it's true. _I really don't know why the fuck I fired Renesmee. I thought that it was because I wanted the drama to die down. But I really couldn't tell why I fired Ness if you put a motherfucking gun to my head.

"You don't know. Well because you don't know what your doing with your life, Ness is probably ready to jump off of a cliff. I can't believe you did this. She really needed the money Jake." Rachel says. Rachel's PMS mood has died down and now she's in sympathy mode.

"Did she leave a number or anything?" I ask hoping I can help someway.

"No she didn't leave a number Jake." Rachel says sounding nearly disgusted that I would even consider that.

"Ness doesn't have a phone?" I ask in shock. I remember she had one in high school. Never knew how to use it but she had one.

"She said something about an unneeded bill." Rachel sighs. _I hate this_. I hate the fact that I drove Ness out of the fucking state once again. I hate that I took Charlie's daughter away from him practically. He just got her back and what do I do? I fire her, he rarely gets to see Bella anymore. Billy told me that she is always doing something with work and only hangs out with the Cullen's.

"I'm sorry Rachel." I mutter.

"Is that really all you can say?" Rachel asks, I can hear her anger rising as we speak now.

"Yes. I just I really didn't know what I was doing." I stutter out. I didn't know what I was doing. I don't know if I just was so stunned at all the information that Ness piled on me, or if I just chose to not hear a damn thing she said.

"Jacob you need to find that girl and fucking fix this problem." Rachel hangs up on me without another word. I lean my head against the couch. The front door opens and I hear high heels clinkering against the hardwood.

I sit up straight to see Vivian looking at me with a wide grin. Vivian is a tall women taking after her mother who I only met once. Vivian has pale skin with glossy black hair that falls down to her waist. It's always bone straight, unlike Renesmee's who curls are constantly a mess.

Wait, what, why did I just compare Renessmee Cullen, who is quirky and adventurous. To Vivian TreScott who is, chic and the complete opposite of Renesmee.

"What's wrong?" Vivian asks with her faint French accent.

"Nothing." I mumble while getting up the moment Vivian sits down next to me. She pouts and I flash her a smile to show her that nothing is really wrong. Even though in fact everything is wrong with my life. I walk upstairs as I hear Vivian yell, "I'm going out later with my friends so don't wait up!"

I roll my eyes, she's always going out with her fucking friends.

"Okay babe!" I yell back. I have no clue why I stay with Vivian. We rarely spend time together. When we do it's only for ten minutes, she's either rushing off to meet up with one of her gay friends or some fashion buddy. Or I'm going to go hang out with the guys.

Vivian walks into our room and walks into the walk in closet. She talks about her day as I get ready to take a shower. She complains about how some dumb assistant didn't get a fabric correct for the order which supposedly backed up production and the fashion show has to be cut back. I'm not really paying attention, the only part that truly stuck out was assistant.

I listen to how Vivian sounds so disgusted at the mistake that her assistant made.

"Ugh these girls can be so brainless sometimes." she says while walking out of the closet. I'll admit Vivian is beautiful but she just isn't my beautiful. Vivian can pull off the no make up look and still look glorious. She just is too formal for me.

"Cut her some slack babe." I say as I step out of the shower with the robe wrapped around my waist.

"Cut her some slack? Jake she backed up the show just because she marked the wrong box on the form. I know it can't be that hard to find the box that says silk on it." Vivian shakes her head as if I've made the hugest mistake ever.

"All I know is tomorrow she is going to get hell from me. Well more than she got today. I'm off, so see you later." Vivian skips out of our bedroom giving me a peck on the lips and dashes out of the house. I wonder where she meets these friends all the fucking time?

I sit on the couch back downstairs to turn on the TV. I settle on a football game. My mind is barely registering what is happening in the game. I can't help but wonder where Ness is. _Is she safe? _Is she on the streets, being raped, or murdered? The only thing I know is that I drove her to it if she is being slaughtered as we speak.

It's all my fault. Renesmee bared her soul to me and all I had to say was I'm sorry. I feel so horrible, I didn't know I put her through so much pain in high school. I don't know how I can apologize for loving Bella but I guess I could apologize for causing so much grief.

Ness was always nothing but a great friend to me. When Bella wasn't around which was rare but if she wasn't around I would just goof off with Ness. We would walk around the town or go to the arcade do something that I could never do with Bella. I sometimes confined in her with stuff I knew that if I told Bella she would panic.

Ness was always her own person doing whatever she wanted to do. She danced to the rhythm of her own drum. Her mind was always drifting off in class back in high school. Sometimes I would catch her just doodling stuff and not even looking at the paper.

I smile as I think of some of the dumb stuff Renesmee would get in trouble for doing. I was over one time in ninth grade. Bella was supposed to be helping Ness and I with math homework only for Ness to start humming some random song.

Bella repeatedly told Renesmee to pay attention only for Ness to ignore her and run upstairs. Renesmee came back downstairs with the her CD player and put the song she was humming on and sung it at the top of her lungs. Bella unplugged the CD player and personally cussed Ness out. I remember Ness failed the test that we were studying for, she only laughed it off though.

Looking back on it I don't even know why I was entranced by Bella. Yeah she was a wonderful girl. She just wasn't my type of girl at least not now she would be. Renesmee always had a answer for everything. But behind that smartass façade she was actually a pretty shy girl.

I wish I could just see her one more little time. Just thirty seconds.

RPOV

"Ness!" Mary whines as I walk back into the motel room. We have been in Arizona for a week. I got a job at some sports bar. There's nothing but drunk guys there all the fucking time but I need the money. Mary has done nothing but complain about how I won't let her find a job. I said I would once I got my stuff together. We need an apartment before I let her hormonal ass get a job.

"What Mary?" I ask. I walk into the bathroom which has a flickering fluorescent light.

"Did you get me the food? I'm starving." she says dramatically.

"Yes Mary it's on the table." I say as I turn on the shower. I smell like sweat and men. That's all I can say. I hear Mary giggle as she opens the McDonalds' bag I hop in the shower and let the warm water sink into my skin. I want so bad to just take a shower back at Charlie's at least at his house I don't have to worry about a rat the size of a cat jumping out of the faucet.

I get out of the shower only to see Mary stuffing her face as she watches some drama on TV.

"Ness thank you so much. I haven't ate in two hours." Mary's appetite has sky rocketed since she revealed that she was pregnant her stomach has grown just a tab bit more and she looks like she has a gut. Something tells me Mary is going to get huge.

"Oh god." Mary gasps and runs past me into the bathroom she slams the door shut and I hear her vomit. I hold my stomach as I hear her gurgle and moan. It's quiet for a minute or two until I hear another huge gurgle.

"Mary are you okay?" I ask.

"No! Why the fuck would I be okay Ness? I'm throwing up, and I'm pregnant and poor! Gosh your so fucking stupid!" she shouts. I roll my eyes trying to keep my patience. _It's just the hormones talking Ness, relax._

"Okay." is all I say before I walk over to the little table in the motel room. I sit down at the table and turn the channel to the news. There talking about the usual, economy, sports, deaths, and investigations. I frown as I chew on my salad. I'm trying to eat healthy so I can encourage Mary to eat healthy for the baby.

All she's been doing though is craving fried Twinkies.

How the hell am I supposed to find a fried Twinkie in Arizona? I finish my not so fresh salad and dump it in the trash. I realize that the trash can is filled up so I decide to take the garbage out to the dumpster. Just as I'm about to leave I decide to warn Mary before I leave unannounced.

"Mary! I'm going to the dumpster!" I shout.

"Bite me!" she yells back. _Just the hormones._

"Love you too!" I yell back as I slam the room door shut. It's hot as hell as I enter the parking lot. Even though it's October it couldn't be any hotter than it was in July. I'm used to heat but not this scorching heat that makes you want to run around butt ass naked.

I stop at the dumpster and throw my trash away. I look up at the stars to see there all sparkling. It's a scene that you wish you could share with someone close to you. I swallow down the huge lump in my throat that suddenly appears. For some odd reason, in the very small compartment in my brain I think of Jacob.

There's no fucking need for me to even think of Jacob. He never did a damn thing for me to make me think of him on a starry night in Arizona. I shake my head and fast walk back into the motel room. For a second I thought I left the room key but I feel it in my sweat pants as I checked my pockets.

"Ness, I'm so sorry for yelling at you." Mary says as she knocks me on the floor. Mary is now weeping as she crawls on top of me.

"Why are you crying?" I ask nervously. I'm tired and smelly, plus it feels like Satan's ass in this state.

"I'm crying because I just realized that I treat you like shit. You're a wonderful friend, you've moved to the desert for me. All I've done is cry and complain. I should be thanking you for helping me to get this babies life on track. So tomorrow I want you to come to the doctors office with me. Your practically my child's mother as well." Wow that is a bold statement.

My eyes go wide as Mary looks at me earnestly. I wouldn't go as far to say I'm practically this babies mother too. I'm more of the person who want's to make sure it has a home and food. After that I think I'm going to go off on my own. I'm personally scared shitless about this baby thing. I can't help take care of another life.

"Sure, Mary I'll go to the doctors with you." I whisper.

"Great." she breathes spraying her vomit breath in my face.

I gag as I say, "Mary get off of me please. And brush your teeth you breath smells like upchuck." I say as Mary slowly rises off of me.

"Sorry." she whispers sheepishly while standing up. I smile as she walks into the bathroom and brushes her teeth. I turn off the TV and settle into the bed. When Mary finishes brushing her teeth she gets in the bed too turning off the light.

The hotel room gets dark as dark can get. I've always wondered how a hotel room can manage to get pitch black while your own bedroom can only get a faint dark. I grimace at my dumb thought. This has been happening all week; my mind as drifted off to space constantly. That used to happen in high school to me constantly.

I think it's a defense mechanism I only do it when I purposefully want to keep my mind off of something else.

That something else is Jacob.

**A/N: How did you lie Jacob's POV? Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Big thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 13: One little moment

"Harper sit down!" I order. The little girl before me blushes and sits down immediately. I let out a sigh causing my hair that is loose from my bun to float up above my forehead.

This has been a long ass year. It's been exactly a year since that fateful day that I got fired from Jacob's office back in Seattle. A lot of things have changed a lot of shit has happened that has traumatized me beyond compare. I witnessed my best friend give birth not only to one baby but two. Mary had two little girls.

Mary had twins two perfectly healthy and upbeat, spunky, wild, annoying little rugrats. The eldest by two minutes and fifteen seconds is Harper Kristen Moore the other Zoe Savannah Moore. Mary of course nearly died when she figured out we she was pregnant with identical twins. I asked her if twins was common in her family, she sheepishly admitted, her mother was a twin as well as having two other sets of twins.

I was just as nervous as Mary was about the twin thing. If not possibly more. We were in a total funk when we learned of it. I was still working at the sports bar trying my hardest not to give up and run back to Forks begging anyone for a job. I repented though and persevered, Mary and I doubted constantly wondered how the hell we were going to make it.

I don't think I could've done it if I didn't at least try the college route. I somehow found time to do the online class thing and I ended up getting a quickie degree. It was a fake degree but a degree none the fucking less. I feel horrible for pretending to act like I have a B.A. in some subject I forgot about.

I have a job as a store manager in the mall. As we speak I'm taking advantage of my employee discount and trying to look for an outfit for Harper and Zoe. Mary is at her job at some post office. I roll my eyes as Zoe and Harper begin to play tug of a war with a skirt.

"Harper please stop pulling the damn skirt." I growl as I yank the skirt out of each of their tiny chubby hands. She just giggles and leans back against the wall. These girls are a trip, Harper is the more rambunctious one who is constantly crying, and begging for something.

The twins look pretty much like Mary, they have her forest green eyes, her blonde hair. The only difference between each twin is one sister is chubbier. Harper being the more chubby baby. Zoe is younger and definitely more quiet she actually sleeps through the night.

"Aw are these your little girls?" ask some old lady.

I've had such a rough day that I don't have the time to appreciate the compliment.

"No there my friends." I grumble as I look for a little sundress for Zoe.

"Oh." the lady says rudely after she notices my bitchy mood. I let out a sigh after I realize I can't shop anymore. I'm in this mall nine to five everyday I can't be here willingly anymore. I grab the girls hands and they followed me through the mall. The girl's started walking pretty quickly at around eight months. I was freaked out when I caught Zoe walking for the first time.

Mary went ape shit and ran off to Best Buy and bought a camera to record every move of theirs. I of course was too busy being scared shit less. I still don't think I can help raise these kids, I'm constantly paranoid, thinking every move I make could be the wrong move and end these children's lives.

"Cookie?" Harper trails off as we past the stand that has tons of treats. My stomach growls itself but I refuse to give in and feed them those unhealthy treats.

"No Harper, we're going to go home and eat some crappy cut up carrots." I whisper with a sarcastic smile. Harper ends up snorting and giggles like crazy as we skip walk to the parking lot. I've been on this diet trying to get back in shape. Mary was the one who had kids and she looks hotter than me, while I gained fifteen pounds from stress. Mary said it was fine that I have a more hour glass figure than a petite homeless person look.

_I look fat._

I buckle the twins in their car seats even though the whole time they squirm and giggle and pull my hair. I laugh along even though deep down I want to run off somewhere else. I traded in Bella's truck for a not much better but it has air conditioning Chevrolet SUV truck.

I pull into a small townhouse that were renting. Once we get inside I dump the keys on the counter. The twins scamper off into the living room to play with their toys. I rummage through the fridge, _to hell with my diet I want fattening greasy foods. _I find some chips and pour some cereal into a bag for each of the twins.

I place it next to them and sit down on the couch. The twins are underneath me playing with some Elmo toy. The annoying noises that come from the toy are mind numbing. I begin to let my mind float back to this past year, I haven't spoke to my father in a year. I feel awful for leaving without a trace once again.

Bella hasn't contacted me in well ever. For a second I thought she died but I'm sure that isn't the problem. She's probably in some argument with Edward as we speak. I have heard nothing, zilch, zero, nada from anyone in that town.

I don't how I feel about that. I try to think about how I would feel if I were to go back to that town. I probably would feel like shit, but oh well. I'm not going back so no need to run over that thought. The door slams shut and I look up to see Mary with a huge grin on her face. She runs over to her little girls with only a squeal a mother could have to see her kids.

I watch almost enviously as I see the happiness light up in Mary's jade eyes as she admires her beautiful babies. Suddenly a tear falls down my cheek. I hop of the couch so abruptly that I scare Mary.

"Ness?" Mary asks faintly.

"I'm going for a drive." I choke out as I rush out of the house. I drive for over an hour until I pull over on the side of the road and break out into tears. I sob for what feels like hours, the whole time I'm sure I look a mess. I finally stop only to catch a few a breathes until it starts back up again. I cry for another couple of minutes until I'm all cried out. I lean my head against the leather bound steering wheel.

I look out the dashboard window to see the sun slowly setting, the sky is a peachy color. It's amazing but I can't enjoy it because I'm having a crying fit. These crying fits have been happening on and off this past couple of months. I will literally cry my heart out for no apparent reason.

It could be anything that sets me over the edge, then I have days where I just want to lie in bed all day. I feel like there's nothing in the world that could move me out of that damn bed. I just sit there and ponder why I feel so fucking miserable.

I sniff up a piece of snot and put the car in drive ignoring my mental breakdown. I drive to some bar and park. I walk in and sit down at the bar, I ask for a beer and I lean my head against the bar top. The bartender places the beer in front of me but I only start to sip it ten minutes later.

I'm sure its not healthy to live the way I do. I'm constantly a mess, I cry at random intervals, my mood comes from a total high to a major low. I have days where I ponder death because it feels like the only way out of this shit hole. I tend to eat my feelings which is probably why I gained so much fucking weight. I procrastinate over everything. On top of that Jacob has been filling my mind lately.

Especially at night, he's all I can think about. The messed up thing is there's nothing to think about over him. Its just Jacob, Jacob who fired me, Jacob who I bared my soul to and he said he was sorry? I roll my eyes and chug down my beer begging for more. I wish I could just kill myself and let it all go. At least then Mary could get some insurance claim or something.

"Miss, that gentlemen over there bought you this drink." the old bartender points out in a gravelly voice. I look up lazily to see a pretty decent looking dude across the bar. He has this smug smirk on his face, I'm so gone and tired that I barely register his facial features before I know it I'm sitting on his lap.

My tongue is down is throat in the next flash of consciousness I get, in the next one I'm in some bed being tossed around in sheets. In the next I'm moaning but it's not in a sweet sexual awakening kind of way. It's in a painful, violated kind of way. The next time I come to it I'm in some random field naked and I feel sore all over.

I pass out as I see the sunrise.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep. Turn off the alarm clock Ness._ I try to reach for the alarm clock but my body won't move. _Beep, Beep, Beep, end the noise Ness! _I try to follow my mind's command and turn off the alarm clock, I try to move but I can't I really can't.

My automatic reaction is I'm dead which causes me to wake up gasping, gasping, choking, coughing, and a few tears falling down my cheeks. I look around to see a bright hospital room painted starch white. I look to the side to daises on a table. I frown, _I hate daises._

I start coughing even harder at the thought, I look around once again and I examine myself. I'm in a hospital gown?

"Help?" I ask with my voice sounding like nails on a chalk board.

No one answers me, I groan and look around. In the movies they have those buttons that alerts the nurses. I need to know what the fuck happened to me. I look around for the damn button, I find it on the side of my bed. I beep it long and hard until a nurse rushes into the room out of breath nearly.

"Oh you woke up, how are you feeling?" ask the nurse. She's around my age which makes me frown. This bitch is a nurse and I'm in a hospital in a paper dress unaware of how the hell I got here. She clearly chose the right career path.

"What is going on?" I ask clearing my throat as I realize I sound like a chain smoker.

"I'll call the doctor." the nurse says with a curt nod. This is not good, why didn't she just tell me. I try to think back to what happened last night or yesterday at that. All I get is glimpses teeny tiny glimpses of things, a _hot guy, bar, field, sunset, pain._

I hold my head as the room becomes dizzy suddenly.

Suddenly a man enters, he's at least in his late fifties, has a wide smile on his face that screams 'I love my job!'. This man reminds me of Charlie for some odd reason. I have the urge to let my father hold me suddenly.

"Hello Miss Swan." the doctor says.

"I'm Dr. Hamilton. I see you finally woke up." he says with a huge theatrical voice.

"Yeah, what happened?" I ask not in the mood for his games.

"Okay I'm going to be frank with you. Renesmee you got a serious cocktail of drugs last night. It was amazing that I could get it all out of your system, you had to get your stomach pumped, you had Rohypnol and LSD. The roofy was enough to put you out for hours maybe even days. The LSD could've made you trip for awhile too." I shake my head getting more and more scared with each word.

"Am I okay?" I ask shakily.

"Renesmee you were raped." I choke on my own breath any my breathing starts becoming pretty erratic. I start crying, I've thought I've cried pretty hard before but this, this is bad. I'm going into full blown hysterics. The doctor tries to calm me down but I freak out. I start thrashing and screaming until they stick a needle in my arm and before I know it, I'm out.

The next time I wake up it's only to hear deep voices talking about Forks, or spoons. I assume it's cafeteria workers and fall back into my stupor. I start stirring a few hours or days, who knows later. I start whispering in my sleep until I shoot up. I look around this time to see a fresh batch of those fucking daises on my table.

Everything is exactly the same as the last time I was fully awake except this time Mary is sleeping soundlessly in some uncomfortable chair next to me. The blinds are open and I can see that it's night time. I notice Mary's cell phone on the table. I slowly move my aching body to the phone. I flip the phone open to see the date.

It's October 31st _. Happy Halloween!_

I frown and lean back against the bleach smelling pillows. I let out a sigh and stare at the flowers wondering who is the dumbass who thinks I love daises.

"I hate flowers period." I whisper.

Flowers remind me of funerals. I have the urge to pee so I slowly climb out of the bed only for beeping noises to sound. Mary shoots up and looks disoriented. The same nurse peeks in from last time and has the nerve to let out a light laugh.

"Your awake again." she says with a smile. I just give her a steely look as she unhooks me from some machine. I get up and rush into the bathroom. I lock the door and lean against the door and close my eyes. I let out a huge sigh trying to piece the last couple of days of my life.

"Think, think…" I continue to chant that mantra several times through clenched teeth. I start to cry tears of frustration as I only get glimpses. I let out a roar of anger and I start banging my head against the bathroom door until it begins to become painful.

"Ness…" I hear Mary trail off. I tune her out and continue to bang my head against the door. My head starts throbbing but I ignore it until I start to think, I still don't get anything so I continue to bang even harder.

"Renesmee stop whatever your doing!" Mary yells with more urgency.

"Shut up." I hiss as I continue to bang. Nothing is coming no matter how hard I will myself to think it won't come.

"It's not coming!" I lash out suddenly. I start pacing the bathroom now. My head has a extremely painful throbbing coming from my scalp. I'm so high on adrenaline and anger that I barely feel it.

"Renesmee open the door." I hear a voice command. This voice sounds more deep, I remember it as my doctors voice.

"Why can't I remember anything?" I command as I sit on the toilet. Since I don't have on any pants and my ass is exposed I can feel the cold hard linoleum toilet.

"It's the affect of the Roofy. Now open the door please." the doctor says cautiously. I sit there for a few minutes staring at the floor. I finally decide to just let it go. I hope when I exit the bathroom Dr. Hamilton will be an honorable man and sedate my ass.

I open the door to see a very worrisome Mary and Charlie. Charlie looks more frightened than Mary.

"Dad." I whisper unbelievably.

Then my fit begins once again. I start panicking, crying, screaming. I'm having a full blown tantrum. The doctors sedate me and I happily fade into the darkness. I love being sedated, I'm asleep yet I don't have to worry about nagging dreams or night terrors. I can just sleep yet not sleep for as long as the morphine pleases. I'm completely numb and I enjoy being that way.

I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. It's a perfect medium if you ask me.

I wake up once again but this time my throat is dry, I let out a cough and I sit up slowly. My body is still incredibly sore. This time I'm hungry and I mean hungry. I search for anyone or anything that is a sign that someone is in this room with me. I don't find anyone so I decide to get up on my own, this time I make sure I'm not hooked up to an IV.

All I have on is this hospital bracelet that has psyche ward on it. _I've finally gone crazy. _I think sardonically. I stand up and pull on the robe that's hanging on the coat rack. I have no clue if it's mine but I'm hungry. I start to walk around the hospital no one seems to notice me. The cold floor is foreign to my senses. I've been off of my feet so long I'm surprised I can still walk.

I start to hear the clitter clatter of the cafeteria and my stomach growls in desire. Plus I'm thirsty as hell.

"Ness?" I turn around to see Charlie staring at me in shock. I back up slightly.

"Nessie, are you okay? When did you wake up? Come on let's take you back to your room." Charlie tries to grab my hand but I back up even more into the wall.

I don't want him touching me. I don't want _anyone_ touching me.

"I'm hungry." I whisper.

"I'll get you some fast food. Cause the food here is crap, trust me." Charlie says with a snort. I smile a little causing him to grin more. I don't take his hand but I follow him back to my room. I slide into the covers of my bed as Charlie pulls up the chair next to me.

"Are you going to get the food?" I whisper. Whispering isn't my thing but I feel the need to though so I just go with it.

"I'll call someone to get it. Ness please tell me how you feel." Charlie begs. His chocolate brown eyes have so much sadness in them that I decide to tell him. I don't want to but I will.

"I feel hungry and sleepy. Was I raped?" I ask even more quietly.

Charlie's lines between his eyebrows deepen even more, "Ah, yeah Ness. Four days ago you were raped. They caught the guy, the doctors did a rape kit and everything. You don't have any diseases, your healthy physically."

"Physically?" I ask.

"Are you okay in here," Charlie points to his head referring to his mind.

"I'm scared." I reply honestly with a little smile.

"Your coming home Ness. Not matter what you say, I don't want you down here on your own anymore. I got your bed made up and everything -"

"No, I can't go to Forks. I'm staying in Phoenix." I say shakily.

"No you are not. Renesmee you almost got killed, I can't risk that again." Charlie says in full dad mode.

"Dad I -"

"No your coming and that's final." I frown and look out the window. It's in the middle of the afternoon I can tell by how bright it is outside. I let out a groan as I think of how I'm going to be leaving the always, dry, hot sweltering heat of Arizona for, wet, moist, cold Washington.

"Why am I in the psyche ward?" I ask looking at Charlie again.

Charlie looks down tiredly, "The doctors discharged you from the ICU and moved you down here because your behavior was pretty wild. I'm sure it's just a symptom from the rape. You'll get through it though, just talk about it and you will be perfect." his words anger me suddenly.

"I can't talk about it." I say through gritted teeth.

"Why not?" Charlie asks sadly.

"I can't remember it. Nothing is coming to me dad. Nothing, I want to remember so I'll know that it -" I break off mid sentence in frustration. I start to shake my head fiercely.

"It's just a side effect honey. Memory loss is a common side effect of a roofy. Don't worry it'll come back baby." I frown not hearing his words.

"It's not coming back Charlie." I whisper.

Charlie doesn't say anything and were quiet for a depressing beat. I sigh and look at Charlie with a tired smile, "So can I get my food please?" I ask with a light laugh. Charlie smiles faintly and pulls out his phone he starts talking to someone but I tune out the call. I ponder if Charlie is right. Will I get my memory back?

_Probably not._

"Mary is going to bring you some food. She'll be over here with the twins, so… don't freak out or anything. They really miss you." Charlie whispers the don't freak part. I guess I'll try not to spazz out, it's just that stuff comes out of mental frustration. My breathing starts coming hard as I think of how I probably won't be able to remember one of the most life changing moments of my life.

"Okay." I whisper lightly as I slowly very slowly relax.

"Mary is something, I met her a two days ago. She's seems like a party girl to be honest Ness." I laugh at how Charlie just came out and said it.

"Mary was my only friend in L.A. after I came back to L.A. again I took her with me to Arizona. I knew she was pregnant but I didn't who the father was. In fact Mary won't tell me, I'll figure it out when she's ready I guess. The twins are great though." Charlie nods at me as I speak but I can still detect worry in him.

His worry is making me scared of myself now.

Just as I'm about to question my father I hear someone clear their throat. I look up annoyed that I was interrupt. I'm met with dark brown eyes and I almost faint.

"Jake." Charlie states dryly while standing up to shake his hand. Now I'm really pissed off. I don't think I'm going to be able to not have a fit. I slump down further in my bed as Jacob and Charlie walk out. Into the hallway, I mean what the fuck is he doing here?

I don't want him here, I don't want to see Jacob Black _ever_ again.

**A/N: How about my little twist! Review it's going to get even more interesting soon.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Big thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 14: Little pill

Jacob and Charlie stood out in that hallway discussing something for I don't know almost an hour. I was starving, thirsty, and pissed. The hunger overcame me though when Mary entered the room with the fast food. It was like a burrito or something. I mumbled a hello and grabbed the bag of food. The twins must've have some baby ESP. Neither of them bothered me the whole timed I chewed like a bear.

"How are you feeling?" Mary asks nervously.

"Tired." I mumble while I chew my burrito.

"Who's the hot guy outside your room?" I knew it was a matter of time before she through me the men questions.

"That's Jacob." I whisper.

"What!" she shrieks. The twins look at Mary in shock as I close my eyes trying to regain my composure. I let out a deep breath and reopen my eyes. Mary is now looking at me sheepishly. I flash her a little smile, thank god Jacob and Charlie didn't hear.

"Yes it's the big jackass." I mutter while balling up the wrapper that the burrito was packaged in.

"You never mentioned he was a fucking god!" Mary is now in full guy mode.

"Sorry I was too busy being put through hell to notice his facial features." I say through clenched teeth. It's bad enough that I have to worry about him being in the hospital with me. But the fact that I'm talking about him annoys me shit less. I close my eyes and turn on my side away from Mary. I'm not in the most cheerful mood right now. I want to just sleep.

I begin to drift off until I finally fall asleep. I start shaking suddenly as if someone is trying to wake me up. I groan and look over my shoulder to see Charlie with his arm on my shoulder. I blink a few times as I come to it, Charlie smiles at me shyly.

"I wanted to wake you up to say we are going to discharge from the psyche ward. I want to take you back to Mary's so you can get your stuff together." Charlie has a small smile on his face but I can detect the worry.

"Why am I packing my stuff?" I ask groggily.

"Ness, I thought I told you your coming back to Forks." I do remember him saying I was coming back to Forks. I just purposefully played dumb though. I don't want to go back to Forks. There's nothing there for me, what's the point? _Just that there is no fucking point._

"Dad I'm not going. Now leave me alone." I whisper while turning back on my side to go to sleep. I can feel the anger spilling off of Charlie and little hostile waves. I smile to myself seeing as I'm not fucking going with him. I close my eyes until someone else calls my name.

"I said I'm not going dad!" I shout as I look to see it's not my father who called me. It was Jake.

I look away from his sad gaze and turn back on my side, "Can you go away please?" I ask as politely as possible. If I didn't want to leave Arizona for Charlie why the hell would I for Jacob? Bad planning on their part completely.

"Ness, you should just come back to Forks. Your dad needs you." I frown at his shitty attempt to get me back home. I sit up and look at him full on and I cross my arms over my chest.

"No I will not go back to Forks. Everything I need is right here. Now leave." I say with no emotion in my voice. Kind of like how he sounded when he fired me a year ago.

"Just come home please." Jacob says really helpless now.

"You see a year ago, I used that very same voice to get my job back. You know what happened Jake? I still got fucking fired, so no I will not come back to Forks. I'm not going back just for Charlie, I know it sounds selfish and bitchy but I was treated like dirt Jacob. I don't need any of that." I state simply.

Jacob's calmness wavers for a instant. For one little second I saw a poor heartbroken boy. I shake my head furiously, I can't feel sorry for Jacob. He sure as hell didn't feel sorry for me a year ago, or any times at that.

"Could you just come back for me." he whispers softly. My heart skips a beat.

I think about it for a long minute, "No." I look up at Jacob with hard eyes. He made my life hard so I'm going to make his just as hard, maybe even a little bit more. Jacob stares at me for a prolong minute until I finally look away. He is not going to play the victim in this situation; I'm the one who was raped. I'm the one who can barely remember that night. He isn't suffering from depression if I can even classify wild mood swings as depression.

"I think you should at least consider it." is all Jacob says before leaving. I roll my eyes stubbornly. _I'm not leaving._

About an hour later the nurse comes in with some clothes for me to wear. Apparently Mary bought me some clothes she thought I would like. Sadly she was mistaken; I do not want to wear hot pink booty shorts that have juicy written across the butt part. A camisole that shows off too much cleavage as well.

"Is there anything else I can wear?" I ask as I wrap my arms around myself trying my hardest not to look so stripperish.

"I'm sorry this is what we were asked to give you. Besides it's supposed to be pretty hot today. Your outfit is fitting for today, you have a great body. A body I would kill for." the nurse says with a bright smile. I don't return it. I'm overly tired, that conversation with Jacob exhausted me.

There's no point in me pretending that I'm enjoying this day.

I pull my hair into a ponytail still feeling violated by anyone who glances my way. Making someone who was raped merely five days ago wear practically underwear out in public is a very bad idea. The women hands me the converse's that they found in the field I was in.

I need to ask more questions about that night. I can't just live in oblivion as to what happened that unfaithful night.

"Are you ready Ness?" Charlie says while walking into my hospital room.

"Sure." I grumble as I follow him out of the room. As I'm walking out my dad stops to talk to my doctor and Jacob. I stand behind him still feeling pretty shy and just awkward. Jacob looks at me and his eyes trail up my body for a quick second. My eyes connect with his and I give him the middle finger.

_Asshole._

"Dad where's my truck?" I ask as he finishes his conversation with Dr. Hamilton and Jacob.

"It's in the impound lot. We can go pick it up after we pack your bags."

"Dad I thought I said I wasn't going to Forks." I say while crossing my arms over my chest defensively. Charlie sighs and runs a finger through his now salt and pepper colored hair. The stress lines between his eyes become more evident. I scowl as I realize I'm probably to blame for those worry lines of his.

"Renesmee I'm not comfortable with you staying here. You're lucky you didn't get killed, so just come home." Charlie doesn't even attempt to add more to his argument. That's how I know he is truly wore out. My eyes meet with Jacob's for a fraction of a second. I act as if I didn't just see the pleading look in his eyes.

"Fine." I say so low that I couldn't even catch it, "I'll go. Just take me to get my shit." I say through clenched teeth. Charlie has this warm hearted smile that I couldn't help but respond to. We walk into the parking garage. Sadly Jacob apparently is riding with us. I slide into the back seat of the rental car and lean my head against the warm window.

Jacob and Charlie begin to discuss something. I realize my vision is kind of blurry.

"Was I wearing contacts when they uh… found me?" I ask referring to the whole being dumped in the field like an animal thing.

"Yes, why can you see?" Charlie asks.

"I need my glasses." I mumble while wiping my eyes. We soon arrive at my house and I run out of the car. I walk into the house and I slam my door once I enter my bedroom ignoring Mary and the girls completely. Charlie said we wouldn't leave until the morning so I'm am sleeping here tonight and then at seven in the morning I'll be back to that _place._

Someone knocks on my door and Mary enters with a tender smile on her face.

"Your going back to Forks aren't you?" Mary asks sitting on my bed which looks exactly how I left it a couple of nights ago.

"Yes." I don't want to dwell on those thoughts right now so I start to search for my glasses in my desk drawer trying to find my case where I keep my pair. Mary eyes me as if something is bothering her. Nothing should be bothering her, she isn't the one going back to a place where everyone loathes you.

"You want me to make dinner?" Mary asks.

"No, Mary can I just sleep actually. I'm tired." I say with a little too much acid in my voice. Mary frowns but nods understandingly. She softly shuts my door and I let out a soft sigh of frustration. I find my glasses and I shove them on my face. I sit back down on my bed crawling into the covers with my shoes and everything on.

I can't just go back to that place so willingly but unfortunately I am. I lay down as I look around my cramped room. I gave Mary the master bedroom while the twins got the room that could be the guest room. My room is practically used for storage. It's incredibly small but who am I to complain. I try to think back to the last time somewhere I was sleeping actually made me feel safe and comfortable, and I was purely happy with myself.

I try hard but I can't. Even when I was younger I was never happy with sleeping in my bed. Thinking back to it I've never felt safe, comforted, happy, or even relaxed in any place I've ever slept at. I roll over as I feel tears prick at my eyes.

I wipe them away furiously and squeeze my eyes shut just wishing everything could be so much more simpler. It's never easy though, if life was the way I wanted it to be my mom would love me and my older sister. She would've stayed instead of leaving on my birthday. If life was easy Jacob would've fallen for me when we were little and I would have a happily ever after.

Life isn't like that though, it's a fucking mess, throws nothing but curve balls at you, painful times are not just momentary anymore. There constant. Disgusting people become your best friends, your envious of everyone. _Life sucks._

I roll back over as my tears begin to die down only for them to reappear at the thought of why that guy would rape me and why would the bartender just let him take me like that. Why would he just poison me like that? Just to have sex with me; he could've asked and I'm sure I would've been more than willing.

"Nessie I'm going to go take the twins to a babysitter. I have to work my shift but I'll be back around ten. Did you hear me?" Mary says annoyingly loud.

"Sure." I groan into my pillow as I pull my head into the pillow and scream for a few minutes. Either Mary left already or she pretended to act as if I didn't just scream at the top of my lungs.

The hours begin to tick by at a accelerating rate. I glance at the clock surprised that it's already eight at night. I must've dosed off at four in the afternoon. The phone begins to ring agonizingly loud, I walk into the living room to pick up the phone.

"Yes?" I ask while rubbing my temples. _I have a killer headache._

"Ness, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." it's Jacob. I scowl into the phone my tired groggy mood disappearing immediately. Now I'm angry and annoyed.

"I'm fine. Goodbye Jacob." I hang up and walk to the kitchen in search of some headache medicine. I wonder if I take some of those sleeping pills I bought but never used with some Tylenol will it kill me. I choose that it will kill me so I take the sleeping pill since I want to pass out with zero disturbances.

I wash the pill down with some soda and I walk back to my bedroom already feeling the sleeping pill kicking in. I slide into the covers and my eyelids become heavy. _I got to remember to take those pills with me to Forks._

The next morning I'm awoken by someone calling my name.

"Renesmee wake up right now!" it's my father. _Son of a bitch!_

"Yes!" I shout back pissed.

"Get up our flight leaves in three hours. It takes us an hour to get to the airport and will probably take another to get through security so lets go!" he yells while ripping the sheets off of my body. I almost kick him in the balls. I'm sweating yet I don't want to leave the confinement of my bed.

"I'll be dressed in a minute." I grumble as I begin to search for some clothes. I take a quick shower and do all that other good stuff. When I look in the mirror as I get ready to leave the bathroom I realize I look horrible. My skin is eerily pale even though I live Arizona I look like a snowflake.

I did lose a little bit of weight in the hospital but nothing too drastic. I look just how did a year ago, sickly. My hair doesn't have it's wild vibrant color that it usually does, it just has this dull ugly red look to it. My eyes are the worst though I look dead as if no one is vacating my body.

I look away angry at myself for looking this way but that doesn't mean I'm going to do anything to change it anytime soon. I pull on some frumpy clothes and I leave my hair out, I'm sure it's going to turn stringy and hideous, but who gives a shit?

I start packing anything I can find, I finish and walk out into the living room to see Mary playing with the twins as Charlie and Jacob watch TV. I clear my throat to break their focus. Mary scowls as she sees my outfit.

"Ness come on; you and I both know you can dress better than that." I don't respond to Mary I just face my father.

"You ready?" I ask while walking into the kitchen. I search the cabinets until I find my treasure. The sleeping pills, I stuff them into my pockets as I pull on my glasses. I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief second but I feel someone behind me so I turn around to see Jacob staring at me worriedly.

"What?" I snap.

Seeing his face this early in the morning is irritating.

"We're leaving." he mumbles. I roll my eyes and walk around him just as I'm about to lug my bag Jacob takes it for me. He gives me a very faint smile, I just nod as a thank you. My goodbye to Mary is not as wholehearted as I wish it could've been. I just wave to her and the twins saying I'd seem them later.

The ride to the airport is dull no one does anything, all you can hear is the soft hum of some local talk show host on the radio. I fall asleep with a content smile on my face only because I have the comforting feeling of those sleeping pills in my pocket.

My contentment to stop is when were in the security clearance and are forced to take off all of our clothes basically. I don't feel comfortable doing that in public but I close my eyes and pull off my shoes and sweatshirt even though I know I have a tank top underneath.

I have no clue what to do with the pills so I just dump them in the trash with so much reluctance you would've though I was giving my own child away. I walk through the full body scanner. I put my clothes back and rush into the bathroom not looking at Jacob or Charlie as run into the bathroom. I sit on the toilet in one of the stalls trying to catch my breath. The moment those pills slipped into the trash can my heart became beating so erratically. It was some twisted pain I've never _ever _felt in my life.

I put my head into my hands as I try to control my heartbeat. All I want to do is dig through the trash can and get my pills. Why these pills are my safety blanket is a chilling question I refuse to investigate.

My heart finally slows down after a few deep breath exercises.

I walk out of the bathroom wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror only to look away the moment I register what a mess I look like. I walk out with my head down and my hands stuffed into my pockets.

"Renesmee," I hear Charlie yell. I look up to see him and Jacob waiting to enter our terminal. I fast walk with my head down towards them.

"You look like your going to pass out honey, you want to sit down?" Charlie asks holding onto my arm. I close my eyes trying to regain the little composure that I had.

"Yeah I need to sit down." I say with my breathing becoming labored. Leaving those pills could not have pulled this reaction out of me. I sit down once we reach the terminal, Charlie leaves Jacob and I alone to go get some coffee for us. The whole time my hands are clenched in tight fists.

"Hey," Jacob says. I look up coming out of a trance.

"Jus relax." Jacob commands softly. Much to my dismay his words sink into my bones warming me down to the core. I slowly unclench my fist to see little crescent shape indents in my palm. I didn't realize I was squeezing so hard. The whole time I do this Jacob is looking at me with that same worried look on his face.

"Okay." I finally say. I flash Jacob a very timid smile. He just nods in acknowledgement and soon Charlie reappears with the coffee. I take it eagerly since I need to do something to distract myself. After I finish my coffee I decide to go look for some magazines.

I end up passing the magazine section and looking in the pills section.

"Shit," I mumble as I realize they don't have the pills I need.

"May I help you?" some old guy asks. The guy is eyeing me nervously.

"Um do you guys have sleeping pills like Xanax?" I ask while running my fingers through my hair. The guy eyes me as if I'm crazy, I'm sure I must look like it.

"Miss that's not a sleeping pill it's an anxiety disorder pill. Controls stress, and depression. You would need a prescription for that." the guy says as if this is common knowledge. I do have a stress disorder and I guess these mood swings are some form of depression.

"Okay." I say weakly as I walk away. I decide on a some sugary food and a magazine. When I exit the store I fast walk back to my seat next to Charlie.

"Everything cool?" Jacob asks. I nod fiercely as I stuff my mouth with some chips.

I look down at the magazine not really paying attention to it. My mind is too filled with that one thought: _When I get to Forks I'm getting that prescription._

**A/N: Ness is going to get a little bit rocky in the next few chapters so REVIEW! **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank You for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 15: Silence is all I want

The plane ride to Forks was painful only because I had this dumb ass kid crying in my ear the whole time.

"Miss could you just give him the snack?" I ask through clenched teeth. Apparently this kid has some sugar fetish, all he's been whining about is a snack. The mom is being a total bitch and isn't giving it to him. The women rolls her eyes as if I'm inferior to her. I ball my fist up only to feel warm hands wrap around my hands.

I look up with fear in my eyes to see Jacob telling me to relax. Just like early I close my eyes and let his words sink in. I slowly unclench my fist. When a sudden jolt of self annoyance shoots through me. I hate Jacob, so why are his words have such a warming effect on me. If Charlie would've to told me to just relax I'm sure I would've flipped out.

"I have to go the bathroom." I mumble as I unbuckle my seatbelt. Jacob looks at me worried but I just ignore it and walk into the bathroom. I fall onto the small toilet seat that could only fit one of a babies ass cheek. I put my head between my knees and do a few breathing exercises.

I stand up and throw some water on my face. I run a shaky hand through my hair. I feel so naked on this plane right now, if I just had those fucking pills… My eyes close dreamily as I think of those pills, I must've been in the bathroom longer than I thought because a knock coming from the door shoots me up.

"Yes?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ness we have to buckle up. Were about to land." Jacob's husky voice says through the door.

"Okay." I say weakly. I open the door and I slam into Jacob's chest. "Ow." I say as I rub my head. He has a hard ass chest, Jacob laughs at me and I walk down the aisle and buckle back up. The women finally got her son to shut up so now the plane is quiet. The only noise is the buzz from someone's ipod blaring some rap music.

I close my eyes trying to fall asleep. The thing is, I _can't_ go to sleep. I need the pills to do that. I promised myself earlier that when I get some free time I was going to get that fucking prescription. We land and I get off the plane and Charlie guides me to baggage claim.

Jacob says he'll carry my bag for me so I just stuff my hands into my pockets and keep my head down. The scenery is definitely different from Arizona. We drive down the road and I watch the all too familiar pine trees covered in moss pass by. The road is slippery from the shower of rain that were getting as we drive down to Forks.

Once we pull up to Charlie's house I feel a slow frown curve my face. I don't want to be here, yet I am. I suck up the temper tantrum that is about to overflow. Jacob is nice enough to carry my bag up to my room while I stand awkwardly in the hallway. The house is exactly the same, Charlie walks past me and rubs my shoulders soothingly.

The scowl that is curving my face is going to be permanent for awhile.

"Charlie you going to take me to La push?" Jacob asks as I get ready to walk into the kitchen. My stomach growls so I look in the fridge only to see four contents, Beer, bacon, cheese, and baking soda.

"What the hell?" I whisper to myself.

"Dad we need to go to the grocery store." I say as I stand up tall from my crouching position.

Charlie scratches the back of his neck and I realize he is trying to figure out the car situation. My car back home is in a impound lot back in Arizona, I'm sure its being shipped off to a junk yard as we speak. Jacob pops his head in and suggests I use his old car from high school.

"The Rabbit?" I ask in shock. _He still has that car?_

"Yeah, just ride over to La push with me and Charlie and I'll give you the keys." I nod since it's the only alternative I have. I _do not _want to ride in the cruiser all the damn time. I follow Charlie and Jacob out and we make the 20 minute trek to La push. I catch a glimpse of first beach and I see gray waves crashing up against the rocks.

"Are you staying in La push?" I ask Jacob quietly as we pull up at the little barn house. I used to hang out here in La push all the time. But when my relationship with Jacob collapsed my trips down here became from frequent to never happening.

"I moved back in with my dad two months back." Jacob says as he gets out. I never thought that Jacob would come back to La push. His life in Seattle seemed to be so fabulous. I know I wouldn't give it all up to come back to the rez, no offence but no one here is living large. I get out and frown instantly as I feel the mushy soil sink into my sneakers. I trudge through the mud into the house behind Jacob and Charlie.

Billy is sitting in the living room watching some football game. Rachel is in the kitchen mixing some cake mix or something. I look down now, I really don't want the looks of sympathy from Billy or Rachel. Rachel drops the spoon the moment she sees me, her dark brown almond shaped eyes gleaming with excitement and stress.

"Nessie!" she squeals. Rachel wraps her arms tightly around my waist. Close contact has freaked me out a lot lately these days so I just lock up and go very rigid. I keep my hands stiffly by my side. Rachel notices how uncomfortable I am and pulls back.

"Don't suffocate her Rach." Jacob says making a light joke out of this awkward situation. I flash him a small smile of thanks and he just nods and walks into his closet sized room. Billy offers me a handshake, everyone must now know hugging is out of the question.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asks quietly in the kitchen. I can feel Charlie's worried stare on my back so I just say I'm fine.

"Ness you want the keys?" Jacob asks saving me once again from answering any of Rachel's painful questions. I nod eagerly and follow him outside into the blistering cold, rain. We walk until we reach some makeshift shed. Jacob pulls the door open and I enter cautiously. _How do I know this isn't the part where he chops me up into itty bitty little pieces in his evil layer. _

I snort cynically at my thought, Jacob looks at me questioningly and I just shake my head. Everyone already thinks I'm nuts so I'll give them just that. Jacob turns on a light that illuminates the whole garage. I get nostalgic instantly, this is where Jacob built those damn bikes with Bella.

I remember how reckless I thought it was. But for some odd reason I thought it was a smart idea too. Jacob also rebuilt the whole entire Rabbit in here. I helped more with the rebuilding of that than with the bikes. That was strictly his and Bella's project.

"This is crazy." I say as I look around the shed more.

"I'm sure the car still works but just in case. I'll look over it." Jacob says while popping the hood. I sit back down in the place where I usually sat when Jacob would blare music and talk about random stuff with me. I sat down on the crate as he checked under the hood. I can't help but look at the bottom part of his very muscular back.

I blush as I realize that I'm checking him out.

"Everything looks good, so I guess here are the keys." Jacob hands me the Rabbits keys. I slowly take them from him wondering why he is being so nice to me.

"Thank you. Jacob why are you here?" I ask quietly as I begin to walk towards the car.

"Maybe I just want to help you." he says stuffing his hands into his back pockets. I nod as if that is the perfect answer when in reality I want to know more. I haven't seen Jacob in a year and he shows up when I get raped? Something just doesn't add up, I also don't understand why the hell he lives with Billy again. What happened to Seattle? Or his huge job? Huh, did it just disappear?

"Okay." I say as I hop into the drivers seat. I'll ask Jacob all my little questions later. Right now I want food and some of those pills. I put the keys in the ignition and start the car. Jacob is eyeing me very carefully as I pull out. The drive through the mud is a little bit ruff but I hit the road without popping a tire so that's good.

I ride over to the grocery store and buy all the junk food I can. When I'm done I come to the conclusion that to get the prescription I have it come from a doctor. So I made a doctors appointment, I needed a check up anyway. The lady gave me an appointment with Dr. Cullen so I know this is going to be very interesting.

When I get home Charlie isn't home yet. That gives me a second to strip down out of my clothes. I've been hot and cold all damn day, right now I am sweating like a pig! I am now walking around the house in nothing but a tank top and underwear. I put all the grocery's away, and then comes the silence once I'm done.

I stand in the middle of the hallway feeling suffocated by the silence. I turn on the TV but that doesn't fill the void. I sit down on the couch my eyes darting all over the room every second. I have this restless feeling growing inside of me. I shoot up and start to search for something to eat, I end up looking through the medicine cabinet upstairs in the bathroom.

"Tylenol, Midol, Pepto Bismo…no Xanax. Shit!" I stomp my foot on the floor angrily. How can he not have those fucking pills. _I need them bad! _I start pacing the hallway upstairs now, I can feel the tantrum coming on and before I know it I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I walk into my room and I start throwing anything I can get my hands on.

I scream until my throat goes dry, and even then I continue for another few minutes. Finally I can't take it anymore and I slide down in a slump on the stairs. The sobs that rock through me are so violent that my body shakes with me. I lean my head against the wall and I lightly bang my fist against it.

Why isn't anything ever easy? I just want some of those fucking pills, that's all, that's all I want. But I never get what I want. I've had to fight for everything that went right in my life. But nothing ever goes right so I guess I'm a shitty fighter. I sniff some mucus growing in my nose as I rub my eyes. If I could just know what happened that night I would be more at peace with myself possibly.

Something tells me though that I'll never be at peace with myself. I never have and I never will, I have to get used to it. I close my eyes just for a second just to escape for a few quick minutes. I'm shaken awake and I shoot up screaming.

"Ness, Ness calm down." Charlie grabs a hold of me only for me to thrash more.

"Let go of me." I say through clenched teeth. Charlie removes his hands like I just burnt him. I stand up and back up slowly until I feel the wood from my door against my back. I remain eye contact with Charlie the whole time, _he looks so sad._ Sad is the only way to describe how heartbroken he looks, I close the door and lock it. I crawl onto the middle of the bed and curl into a little ball with tremors rocking through me.

My teeth are chattering now from how cold I've suddenly gotten. Tears sting my eyelids and I squeeze them shut as I rock back and forth, "Just breath, just breath…" I chant over and over as I rock back and forth. My crying comes harder and harder until I'm crying like I've never cried before. I cry myself to sleep that night.

The next morning someone knocks on my door. I slowly wake up and stretch, my body is all cramped up from sleeping in the fetal position last night. I crack a feel bones and I open the door only a inch.

"Yes?" I ask tiredly.

"Renesmee I'm going to work but I'll be back around four. Jacob will come over around noon to check up on you. Is that okay?" he asks earnestly.

"Sure." I mumble as I close the door. I sit on my bed as I hear my father shut the front door. I wait until he pulls out of the driveway and down the road to do any of my morning activities. I look at the clock on my nightstand, it's only eight in the morning, my doctors appointment is at nine. I get in the shower and just let the cold water chill me out.

I woke up sweating, plus it doesn't help that I couldn't sleep right last night. All I did was fidget and roll around in my sheets. I get out of the shower and brush my teeth. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror but against my best wishes I catch a glance of myself. My eyes are bloodshot and I have dark circles underneath my eyes. I frown as I look at the flaws on my face.

I walk out of the bathroom and blow dry my hair. I pull it into a tight bun and I find some skinny jeans and I long sleeve burgundy scoop neck top. I put on some flats, I look in the mirror once again trying to figure out how I can cover up these dark circles. To do that I need make up, which I do not have.

I groan and pull on my jacket. I grab my keys and purse as I walk outside into the cold air of Washington. I get in the car and go to the hospital so I can get my check up and hopefully my prescription. I pull into the parking lot hoping that meeting Dr. Cullen won't spur up anything about Bella and Edward's tragic relationship. My life is too much of a fucking mess right now; I don't need Bella's drama as well. I tried to help her but she kicked me out so she gets no help now.

"Hi, I'm here for my appointment with Dr. Cullen." I say to the receptionist. She makes some call and tells me to wait for just a few minutes. I sit down on one of the uncomfortable cushioned chairs. I hate hospitals they reek of death if you asked me.

"Renesmee Swan!" a voice bellows. I look up to see a movie star looking man. Carlisle Cullen is just as handsome as Edward if not maybe even more, he has handsome features and a Hollywood soap opera look to him. I'm surprised he still works at this dump.

"Hi. Dr. Cullen." I say shyly. Dr. Cullen guides me down the hall asking me how I've been since high school and all that good stuff. I give him the generic answers saying I'm fine. He smiles at me but he'll learn how well I've actually been doing when he sees my medical history.

"You have grown a lot since you were sixteen." he comments with a smile.

"Yeah I guess so." I say while playing with my fingers.

"Renesmee it says that you were recently raped. How are you feeling?" he asks sincerely.

I start to dart my eyes all over the hospital room. I can feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead, my throat is incredibly dry and I can't form any words. I begin to start tripping over my words until Dr. Cullen asks if I want some water. I nod my head eagerly as he gets up and walks out of the room. When he leaves I begin to start panicking.

_Why is this happening? I need those pills. Now._

"Here you go. Now you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Carlisle says with a kind smile. I swallow my water and give him a sarcastic smile, "It's funny because I can't remember a damn thing. Yet I still feel degraded and violated." I say trying make a joke out of my being attacked.

Carlisle frowns and I know this is going the wrong way.

"I need the pill Xanax, I had some of the pills back in Arizona but I ran out. So if you could just refill it…I'll be good to go." I say with a smile as Carlisle eyes my sheet. I wonder what the hell is on that paper. Does it say that I'm an emotional wreck? Cause it totally should.

"It does say you were prescribed to it. I'll refill it for you, and you can get the pills from Debbie down in the pharmacy at CVS. Renesmee I warn you these pills are highly addictive so use them with caution please." Carlisle says dangerously serious.

"Trust me, I won't get addicted." I say while not making eye contact with him. I take the prescription from Carlisle and bolt. Once I reach the CVS I'm nearly jumping in my seat. I run into the store and I wave the little slip in front of the ladies face with a shit eating grin on my face. The lady looks at me like I'm crazy but I'm too happy to notice.

When that pill bottle hits my palm I almost pass out from excitement. I actually hug the pharmacist before I leave. When I get in the car I just marvel at the bottle. These pills can make me feel ten times better than I could ever feel naturally.

"Yes!" I squeal as I enter the house. I decide that I will take them before Charlie comes home. The whole day I snack and eat shit that I definitely shouldn't until someone rings the doorbell. I suck the cheesy dust from my fingers that I got from the Cheeto's. I open the door to see Jacob looking nervous.

_He looks like he's scared to see me all the fucking time._

"Hey, Charlie wanted me to check up on you. To make sure you didn't do anything crazy." _like overdose on sleeping pills. _My conscious whispers quietly. I'm so startled by the thought that I step back, Jacob takes that as I a sign to enter. I walk into the kitchen only to realize I have the pill bottle on the counter. I stuff them into my back pockets.

"I'm fine so you can go." I say with acid in my tone.

"Your hiding something." he says while looking at me quizzically. I scoff at his accusations.

"Me? Hiding something? No." I say with a wave.

"You could ever lie to me." he whisper stepping closer to me. I back up into the sink and he is now dangerously close to me. So close that I can smell his comforting scent. He smells like, motor oil, pine, and the forest. I inhale his scent slowly. Him being this close is just as good of a high as those pills. _Almost._

"What are you hiding?" he asks in my ear. I can feel his warm breath on my neck causing me to shiver involuntary.

"I'm not hiding anything." I say with my voice sounding very airy as I can't catch my breath. Damn it, how can he still have this huge affect on my body. I hate him so much but my body is almost writhing in pain because I want to touch him so bad.

"Liar." Jacob says now leaning back so I can look at him directly in the eye.

"No I'm not so just leave." I say while walking towards the door. I feel his hand on my ass and I turn around in a flurry. He has the pills in his hands. I do something that I'm sure made me look like a madwomen. I tackle Jacob, I land on top of him and we start wrestling for my pills. I bite his hands and he drops the bottle. I take the pills and run upstairs. I lock myself in the bathroom clutching the Xanax as I catch my breath.

"Renesmee open the door!" Jacob bellows I flinch at how menacing he sounds. I start to panic, he _can't_ have my pills. I won't let him.

"No!" I say as tears stream down my face.

"Open the damn door!" Jacob shouts. My eyes are darting everywhere and I'm gasping for air. It's so cramped in here, the walls are closing in all I hear is my heartbeat racing and Jacob's threats. I close my eyes and I start to chant what I usually do when this happens, "Just breath, just breath…" I continue but its not working.

"Shut Up!" I shout to Jacob since I can't concentrate. I start to slap my hand against my forehead. I just want some silence and I can't even get fucking that. "Just breathe, just breath…" I start up again but Jacob is still yelling at me.

My little mantra isn't working and I forget to breath. The next thing I know I'm on the floor with the darkness encasing me.

**A/N: Whoa that's some heavy duty drama if you ask me. Review and you'll know what happens with Ness and Jacob.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Huge thanks for reviews! **

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and all of it's characters and such…**

Chapter 16: Stuck on the 401

I slowly receive consciousness, slowly but eventually I do. I hear footsteps but I'm not sure whom they belong to. I slide up to look around. I realize I'm on the couch. I hold my head as the room begins to spin. I let out a small groan as I immediately feel as if a bag full of bricks just landed on top of me. _Did I get drunk and not know it? Is this a hangover?_

I get in a sitting position and I look over the couch to see Jacob pacing the kitchen with a bottle in his hand. My pill bottle. Suddenly awful images of me attacking Jacob wash over me. I think back to how I passed out and fell on the hard cold tile floor. That explains the huge skull ache I'm rocking. I rise off of the couch and enter the kitchen softly. Jacob stops and a look I can't quite describe comes across his face.

It's a mixture of sadness, self hate, and guilt. Why he feels guilty is beside me.

"Uh…." I trail off not sure what I should do or say. A sudden rush of anger builds up in me. I start to see red for reasons I'm unaware of.

"Why are you here Jacob?" I ask with my tone very hard.

Jacob acts as if he didn't hear me. "Why are you here?" I ask once again except this time I step in front of him. Jacob stops and looks down at me miserably. I shake my head furiously; _no right to feel sorry for him_. No right. Jacob frowns at me and he walks over to the couch and begins to sulk, that action alone fuels my anger.

"Why are you here!" I shout in his face now.

"I'm here because…" he trails off as if he really isn't sure. _That's because he's not._

"Because? Listen Jacob, I'm tired of you not giving me any fucking answers. So either your going to man up and tell why you are here, Or! You are going to leave. Make your choice." I say crossing my arms over my chest. I dare him to look confused at my question. I want to know what is so hard about a simple little question.

"I'm not playing games Jacob. I just asked a simple little question, that's all. All I want is an answer, nothing more nothing less." I say while switching my weight from left to right. Jacob looks at me as if he wants to say something awfully evil but he's holding back.

"Renesmee I am here because I feel guilty." Jacob says standing up now to face me.

"There's no need to feel guilty." I say like he's a total idiot.

"Why shouldn't I feel guilty. I drove you out of the town once again, only for you to go to Arizona and get raped. Your blood could possibly be on my hands Ness." he says almost desperately. I shake my head.

"Jacob you don't have a right to get pity, guilt, or depression. I do." I say angrily. I'm tired of people playing the victim when they don't need to. Hell I'm tired of playing the victim. It seems like every time I try to run away from that little role I end up getting thrust back into it.

"I'm not asking for pity Renesmee." he says almost disgusted.

"Then what do you want?" I ask while leaning against the wall.

"I want forgiveness." Jacob says not looking at me.

I let out a cynical snort, "Not gonna happen." I say while looking at him as if he made the world's funniest joke. In reality that might be the most hilarious joke I've ever heard.

"You actually think you can just earn forgiveness from me like that? You got to be either the dumbest motherfucker or the craziest. Either way your not getting it." I say walking back over to stand in front of him. I shake my head the whole way. His little want tickles me pink. I don't want to forgive him, in fact I don't want to be near him. His presence is enough to make my got damn skin crawl. And this guy has the fucking nerve to ask for forgiveness.

"Why can't I get your forgiveness Ness?" Jacob asks.

"Because I hate you." I say making my voice thick with nothing but hate, disgust, and plain old anger.

Jacob has the nerve to flinch at my words. I walk over to the door and I open gesturing for him to leave.

"Oh wait," I say to him just before Jacob leave my house.

"I want my pills." I say a little bit more quietly. Jacob looks at me as if he wishes I would just learn. I ignore him and he says the pills are on the kitchen counter. I slam the door in his face and walk into the kitchen. I grab a tight hold of the pill bottle, I twist the cap open and I take two pills. I ignore the prescribed amount to take.

"Whatever." I mumble as I walk upstairs. I just want to go to sleep.

JPOV

I pull out of Renesmee's driveway and speed down to La push. My hand is gripping the steering tightly as I think back to what Ness said to me earlier. She's right I don't deserve her forgiveness for all the things I put her through I just don't. Yet I still wish she would give it to me. To get forgiveness I guess you have to do something worthy enough so they can forgive you.

_I haven't done that yet. _

Do I have to save Renesmee from herself to get the forgiveness? She did tackle me for a bottle of Xanax. I eyed the bottle and I instantly knew something was up. She was acting way too possessive over those fucking pills. I know she just has to be addicted, but me giving her the pills back wasn't smart either. I pull over on the shoulder of the road and bang my head against the steering wheel repeatedly.

This is so fucking complicated. I'm such a moron, all I do is screw up over and over and over with her. I constantly say something retarded to Renesmee to compromise our already train wreck of a relationship. We don't even have a relationship, Ness and I are just people who lived in the same town who constantly get thrust back into each other's lives against our will.

The messed up thing is, I know somewhere in the back of my mind, a very small little compartment knows that I might in fact just love her as much as I loved Bella. If not I might love Ness more, I do not know why I do…_I just do._

If Bella was ever in this situation I think I would attempt to save her but I wouldn't put as much effort into it. I wouldn't continuously try and over to not make the same mistake. I shut that thought off immediately, I haven't loved anyone since Bella.

When I quit my job at the office I did it because I knew it was going nowhere. Just like everything in my life was doing at that time, my relationship with Vivian was going nowhere that's for sure. I just stopped putting effort into the relationship with Vivian after Ness left. I thought I was lazy before with Vivian but it got worse to the point where I broke up with Vivian through an assistant.

I was a jackass and I'm sure I still am. Being a jackass is probably the only thing I'm good at in life. Screwing with peoples lives is something I do so well I should make it my profession. I fired Jessica when she got off of suspension, She huffed and puffed and yelled nothing but profanities at me. And I just sat there and took it, because I'm was everything she called me and more.

I moved back to La push and got a job at some random auto shop in Forks. I moved back in with my dad only because I was once again: Lazy. I was tired of doing anything and everything, I didn't feel like taking care of myself anymore so I dumped that responsibility back on my father and sister. When Rachel told me that Renesmee was raped on impulse I knew I had to leave for Arizona.

When I saw her in the hospital it was probably one of the most awful sights in the world. She didn't just look awfully peaceful yet eerily close to death she looked lost. Renesmee has never worn that lost look ever. It's not her thing to be lost and confused, she was always the man with the plan. If plan A didn't work then you knew plan B just had to.

If anyone ever did wear that helpless look it was Bella. She wore it like fucking make up. I don't want to despise Bella or even feel bitter toward her. It's a total waste of emotion feeling pissed off for something that happened nearly six years ago. We were all young and naïve. I can't help who she falls in and out of love with. But I can help how I react and feel about what she does and frankly I have learned that I need to not care at all.

I pull out of the shoulder and pull back into the road. Once I reach the house Rachel enters badgering me with questions about how Renesmee is doing. I can't tell her how Ness tackled me over a bottle of stress relief pills. I can't tell her how she passed out in the bathroom after having a nervous breakdown. I won't tell her how I asked for forgiveness even though I totally don't deserve it.

I can lie to her though so I say, "She was sleeping." I grumble as I lean into the fridge and search for a beer. I grab one of the beers and walk back into my bedroom. I fall onto my too small bed and I sip my beer.

As I sip my beer miserably I think about how the hell I'm going to get Ness to break this pill popping thing she has going. I think it's clear that once she jumped me for the bottle of pills that something is totally wrong with her. I don't want to say she is addicted but I know I can't say she isn't.

RPOV

Tuesday isn't any better for me neither is Wednesday. And Thursday sucks just as much as Wednesday did. Friday was pretty shitty too, that's exactly why I'm sitting on the side of the road in the Rabbit with the engine smoking. I lean back in the seat of and let out a sigh just staring at the smoke that rises from under the hood.

Just as I think of what I'm going to do about this smoke thing thunder crackles and rain begins to pour down.

"Shit!" I yell as I get out of the car. I pull my hood up even though it has zero effect on anything. My hair still gets damp through my light material sweater. I pop the hood and begin to cough as the smell of fried oil hits my nose. I start to swat the smoke even though it becomes impossibly thicker.

My anger towards Jacob is now in full bloom. He told me I should have zero problems with this fucking car. Less than five days later I'm on the side of the road coming from the mall in Seattle with a smoking engine in the motherfucking rain.

I stand in the bone chilling rain waiting for someone to pass by but no one does. I still haven't bought a cell phone so my only luck is to walk those fifteen miles back up the road to the gas station that I passed. I start walking up the road and squint through the rain.

My feet start to get numb probably fifty feet into the walk. I stop and let out a sigh only to be able to see my breath in this blistering cold. I'm shivering and I can barely feel my toes as I continue to walk down the road. I stop once again only to realize I can't make it anymore. I turn back to my car when a car comes pass and splashes water on me as it drives into a puddle.

"Jacob you fucking asshole!" I scream at the top of my lungs. My anger towards Jacob claiming that the Rabbit works is what fuels me to run fifteen miles in the rain to the gas station. The moment I reach the gas station I pull out all the change I can. I dial Jacob's number since he not only is going to pick me up he is also going to get a earful.

"Hello?" Jacob says.

"Jacob its me Ness." I say through clenched teeth as I continue to shiver.

"Renesmee are you okay?" Jacob asks worriedly.

"N- no I- I'm stuck on the side of the r- road." I stutter out as I continue to shiver violently.

"What? Where?" Jacob asks. I can hear him already grabbing his car keys.

"I'm at a gas station on the 401. Come and get me now!" I yell angrily.

"I'll be there in a second." Jacob says urgently before he hangs up.

_Yeah you better_. I hang up the phone angrily as I think about what horrible nasty words I'm going to use when I cuss him out. As I search the gas station for some snacks I decide I'll use more words other than, jackass, asshole, bitch, etc. _It's too common_. I hand the cashier some cash as he rings up my Slim Jim. I chew on it while looking out the window watching the gust of wind blow the rain west.

Another crackle of thunder rolls through and I can't help but get even more annoyed. Jacob clearly stated I should have zero issues with that damn car! What happened? It breaks down on the 401 in the cold rain.

I see a pick up truck pull up and Jacob gets out. I cross my arms over my chest stubbornly. I finish eating my Slim Jim and I throw it in the trash. Jacob enters the little store dripping wet just like I am except I'm soaking wet and freezing my ass off.

"You said I wasn't supposed to have any problems with the car!" I yell in his face. The cashier flinches at my tone but I ignore him.

Jacob looks baffled and just a plaid old dumb ass.

"You're an idiot." I state simply. And that is the beginning of my rant. I call Jacob anything I can until I come out of things to call him so I start making things up. I believe at some point I called him a huge beefy greasy Big Mac. I was furious and he just took it, which is exactly what he should've done.

"Are you done?" he asks tiredly.

"Yes." I say quietly.

"The rain has stopped so show me where the car broke down. I'll see if I can fix it." Jacob pulls me by the arm through the gas station. The cashier who seemed amused at the whole situation gives me a little wave. I smile at him sarcastically and Jacob lets go of me and I hop into the truck. When Jacob gets in I begin to question his mechanic skills aloud.

"I remember vividly you saying I shouldn't have a problem with the Rabbit Jacob. If I shouldn't have any problems then why the hell did the car break down on the side of the road?" I ask angrily. Jacob's hold on the steering wheel tightens and he looks like he got zero sleep last night.

I smirk vindictively. He shall get no mercy then.

"Are you going to answer my question?" I ask once we pull over behind the Rabbit which has stopped smoking like a chimney.

"Renesmee!" Jacob shouts angrily. I actually flinch a little bit at his tone but I cover it up so my face becomes a hard mask.

"Shut up, please. I know you don't want to hear it but I'm sorry. I know what I said Ness. I don't need you to throw it in my face that I fucked up. So if you would just be quiet for one little second I could figure out the problem and you could be on your way." Jacob says while looking at me desperately. I don't say anything I just cross my arms over my chest defensively.

Jacob takes that as my answer and sighs. He works under the hood of the car while I lean against the drivers side with a frown plastered across my face. I just sit there not sure what I'm supposed to do. I do know that Jacob just shut me down, and I can't help but be a little happy that he manned up and shut me up.

That's one very minute step in the right direction.

"I fixed it for now but I need you to take it back to my house so I can fix it permanently. Just in case something else does happen I'll drive the car to La push." Jacob says while closing the hood. I nod and push myself off of the side of the car. Jacob left the keys in the truck so I turn it in the ignition and the car roars to life.

I pull off of the side of the road without glancing back at Jacob. The whole ride over to La push I wonder where Jacob grew the courage to shut me up. These past few days I've done nothing but rip him a new one. So his little outburst is pretty shocking.

The little smile that begins to form on my face as I think about how hot he looks when he's angry.

**A/N: I think that chapter was a total blow but whatever, Review! **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks for reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 17: Improvement

"So the engine is fried." Jacob says as he looks over the engine more closely. I sit down on one of the crates and pretend to act as if I'm interested in his car talk. I used to actually care about Jacob would say when it came to car talk back in high school. Maybe that was because I thought that everything that came out of his mouth was the gospel.

"Okay when will it be done?" I ask lamely. Jacob turns around to look at me, "Probably a month or so." Jacob says wearily waiting for me to flip out on him probably. I just sit there thinking: _That's unfortunate._

"Tell me when your done then." I begin to stand up but Jacob calls my name. I turn around and frown at him.

"Yes?" I ask stubbornly.

"This is going to get expensive Ness." Jacob says quietly.

"I don't have any money Jake. You know that." I whine as I walk closer.

"It would probably be cheaper just to buy a new car then rebuild it." Jacob says dryly. I frown and put my head into my hands. I don't have enough money to buy a car either. I guess I really don't need the car. I'm not going anywhere I don't do anything. What happened today was extremely random. I went out to the mall just to go out and leave Forks for awhile, even if it was for only three hours.

"I'll make you a deal," Jacob suggests. I frown knowing this isn't going to turn out well.

"I'm listening." I say while putting my hands on my hips.

"I will pay for all of the equipment but you have to help me fix the engine." Jacob says while looking at me seriously. That is a lot of time that I would be forced to hang out with him. I don't want to hang out with Jacob if it isn't necessary.

_A car is a necessity_. I think stubbornly.

"Okay." I say not making eye contact with Jacob. I can hear the smile in Jacob's voice when he tells me he'll pick me up tomorrow at noon. I just nod but turn around when I realize he's my ride home. Jacob says that Charlie is coming over for dinner so I should just stay here.

I sit back down on the wobbly crate that shakes a little under my weight. I begin to shiver once again as a chilling breeze enters the garage. Jacob notices how I'm shivering like a wet Chihuahua.

"I have a jacket in the truck you can borrow." he says pointing outside. I run out of the garage and open up the truck. I search for the damn jacket for at least fifteen minutes. It's a mess in there; he has burrito wrappers, burger wrappers, chip bags, soda cans...

I pull on Jacob's jacket which goes down to my knees. I'm sure I look like a little kid who decided to play dress up in her daddies clothes. I walk back into the garage, Jacob glances at me and snorts. I shoot him a cheeky smile as I sit back down on the crate.

"I think I look fabulous." I mutter as I zip up the jacket. I can't help but notice that his scent is all over this sweater. I resist the urge the sniff it and let out a moan of ecstasy. Jacob would assume something more from that little action.

_What exactly does that simple action mean Ness? _I ask myself sarcastically.

It means Jacob would think I have some stalkerish crush on him by sniffing his clothes. Seriously that is kind of creepy you got admit. Jacob turns back around and I sniff the sleeve a little bit, I sadly do moan deep in my throat. Jacob turns back around to look at me quizzically.

"Oh, uh, I…" I trail off not sure how to put a reasonable explanation behind my moan that won't sound sexual.

"I sniffed your jacket and it smelled like cinnamon rolls. I love cinnamon rolls." I say with a nervous smile. Jacob just smiles at me and I blush now embarrassed. _This is extremely uncool._

At least I didn't say his scent makes me feel safe and fuzzy on the inside. Honestly I don't even want to hear that aloud. Jacob continues tinkering with the engine. I wish I knew what was actually wrong with the car. All he told me was the engine was fried. I stand up and walk over to the car so I'm bending down next to Jacob who is peering in the car.

"So… what's wrong with it?" I ask while glancing at Jacob. He stands up straight as I continue to examine the car the best I can.

"The engine overheated." he says. I nod and stand up straight like Jacob did earlier.

"Can't you just pee on it and the engine cools down?" I ask seriously. Jacob begins laughing like I just told a hilarious joke. I frown not finding anything funny about my question. _Why do people always do that to me?_ Jacob continues laughing until he catches his breath.

"Yeah you can do that. But I doubt you actually should. It's one of those things you say you did even though you never did." Jacob says still trying to control his laughter.

"Oh well all you have to do is like cool it down. Why are you rebuilding the engine completely?" I ask suspiciously. I may not be a car expert but I know it doesn't take a whole month to get a car engine to cool down. Not unless its from the 1500's or some shit like that.

"This isn't the first time it has overheated. So now the engine is fried from heating up too much." I look down processing that. Okay that makes sense. I look back up at Jacob wondering when was the last time the engine heated.

"Didn't the engine overheat once when you were supposed to take me and Bella to school?" I ask with a smirk. I remember that vividly. Jacob busies himself with the car.

"Yes the car did overheat and we were, in fact we got stuck like a mile away from the school." I start laughing and I notice Jacob's already tan skin darken. _Aw, he's blushing so cute._

"Smooth Black." I say between laughs.

"Hey at least you guys got to school." Jacob says.

"We were like ten minutes late." I counter back. I was late for a Biology test. Bella was late for some history test, at lunch she was boiling with anger towards Jacob. I didn't care of course because I was such a lazy kid that nothing bothered me. That and the fact that Jacob could do no wrong in my eyes back in high school.

"You got to school though?" Jacob asks.

"Good point." I say finally. For a moment all you can hear is the Jacob tattering with the engine until I hear footsteps I turn around to see Rachel who is wrapped up in scarves and sweaters. I'm not as cold as I was before, maybe because I'm standing next to Jacob who has always been pretty warm. Plus his jacket is surprisingly cozy too, even though it was sitting in his cold truck.

"Charlie's here. Are you guys cold?" Rachel asks looking between Jacob and I. Jacob only has on a t-shirt and jeans. The shirt hugs his perfectly sculpted muscles. For a second I get lost in thought just imagining what is underneath that flimsy piece of clothing.

I wipe the drool off the side of my face metaphorically of course and answer Rachel.

"No, I'm fine. Tell Charlie I'll be up in a minute." I say with a small smile. Rachel eyes me critically, Jacob turns around and frowns at Rachel, "Rachel go." he hisses. Rachel looks between Jacob and I one more time but runs off. I look at Jacob confused as to what their little exchange was about.

Jacob just shakes his head as if it was nothing. I let it go after a round of questions. I ask little questions hear and there about the car until, I begin to get cold once again. Jacob says I can go in but I honestly don't want to leave him. I have no clue why so I lie to myself and say it's because I don't feel like being hounded with sexual questions from Rachel.

"You can go Ness if your cold." Jacob says without looking up from the hood.

"Nah I'm fine." I say as my teeth begin to chatter.

"Are you sure your freezing." he says stating the obvious.

"I'm fine." I say stubbornly. Jacob mumbles something I don't understand. He closes the hood of the car and says were going inside. I tell him that we don't have to.

"I don't want you getting sick." he says while wrapping his huge arm around my frail shoulder. I shiver at the contact. I haven't been to keen on close contact since the rape but for some odd reason whenever he touches me I melt. My insides turn to goo.

"I am not going to get sick. I have a strong immune system." I say holding my chin high. Jacob snorts and looks down at me, "How do you even know when you have a strong immune system?" he asks.

"You just know Black." I say with a definite nod. Jacob shakes his head as if saying it plain out loud that I'm nuts.

"What? You don't believe me?" I ask as we near the house.

"No I don't believe you. I think the only way to know if you have a strong immune system is to talk to a doctor. Which is definitely what you are not." Jacob says frankly. I scoff at his comment.

"I would be a perfect doctor." I say with a gasp.

"Ness when I broke my leg in sixth grade you laughed." he says as we enter the house. I start laughing as I realize he is totally right. I did laugh, I laughed hard actually. Only because he was doing some trick on a skateboard which he barely knew how to ride, he attempted to perform some stunt and landed on his leg.

"In my defense I only laughed because I was trying to keep the situation as light as possible. I mean at least you didn't cry." I say trying to find a good way to reason why I was laughing at him.

Jacob grins at me and says, "That was a terrible lie. You were laughing because you thought me breaking my leg was probably the funniest shit ever."

"I won't lie to you. It was pretty fucking funny." I burst out laughing and Charlie and Billy look at us with the same look that Rachel had earlier. Its as if there inspecting us, trying to find some error or flaw in the situation. I don't understand why there doing that so I resist my urge to cuss them out.

Jacob notices the stare to and lets out a groan. He unwraps his grip on my shoulder. I catch myself frowning, I didn't want him to let go. Ever. I flinch at that very serious thought I just had. I shake my head as if to run off those betraying thoughts.

I don't like Jacob, no scratch that, I hate Jacob.

So why am I goofing around with him like we used to back in high school? I can't let myself fall under his spell. All he's going to do is fuck up like he usually does. Once he fucks up I'll be on the other side of the country or something, trying to figure out how to get my money together just like last time and the time before that.

Jacob walks into his room and I walk into the kitchen to see what Rachel is making. The scent of burgers hit my nose and I smile a little bit. I haven't eaten all day so my stomach growls as if I haven't ate in a year.

"Burgers yum." I say with a smile. Rachel looks at me and shoots me a knowing smirk. I let out a groan and run my fingers through my hair stressfully, Rachel being her overbearing and inquisitive self is assuming the exact opposite of the situation.

"Rachel, Jacob and I are not fucking. So just shut up and forget the thought." I snarl.

Rachel just start lightly laughing to herself, "Sure Renesmee." I roll my eyes and sit down at the kitchen table. I start circling little designs into the dark wooden table. Rachel tells the guys dinner is ready, Charlie glances at me and has this smile on his face that is literally lighting up the whole room.

I don't know what caused that smile but I do know I don't want it to leave any time soon.

I grab a burger or two and stuff it down my throat.

Jacob sits next to me and acts as if he's disgusted by me chewing like a wolf.

"Shut up. I'm hungry." I say while swallowing. Jacob laughs at me and I blush and look down embarrassed. The embarrassment deflates once I see Jacob stuff three burgers down his throat.

"You are a perfect example of terrible table manners." I say with a frown. Jacob smiles at me cheekily and I roll my eyes.

Charlie, Billy, and Rachel quietly watch Jacob and mines light hearted banter through the whole dinner. I ignore their stares of amazement. I don't know what they assume is going on between Jacob and me but I'm sure their positively wrong. Just because I'm laughing and smiling doesn't mean I'm totally happy.

I'm happy just not completely, I doubt I'll ever be truly and fully happy ever again. Something in me just refuses to reach full capacity of happiness. I don't know why it just does that. Maybe it's because I'm constantly getting disappointed or it could just be some weird trait of mine. Either way I wouldn't go run around skipping and singing show tunes because I'm smiling just a little bit.

Towards the end of dinner I begin to get a little sleepy. Charlie asks if I'm tired but I lie smoothly and say no. On the inside I'm yawning and fighting to keep conscious. Its been a tiring day so all I want to do is curl up in my sheets and drift off into a deep stupor.

Jacob sees right through my lie and offers to drive me home. After relentless protests I finally give in. Once Jacob drops me off at the house he takes it upon himself to walk me to my door.

"I should come in just in case some robber jumps out and attacks you." Jacob says seriously. I let out a snort but agree and let him enter the house first. Jacob says the coast is clear and I walk inside.

"Tomorrow right?" I ask before he leaves.

"Tomorrow." Jacob says stuffing his hands into his front pockets.

"Okay." I say with a wave. I close the door only for me to realize that I still have his sweater. I didn't even notice I was wearing it like a fucking second layer of skin.

"Jacob!" I yell before he gets in the car. Jacob turns around with a hopeful look on his face. I wonder what he's hoping for.

"Yeah?" he asks leaning into me. I shrug out of his jacket and he swallows nervously.

"Your jacket." I say quietly.

"Oh! Yeah right my jacket." he says with a nervous laugh. I shoot him a smile as I walk back into the house. I close the door and shake my head as I walk upstairs. I take off my clothes that smell of, motor oil, sweat, and faintly of Jacob. I frown wishing that the Jacob scent wasn't so damn faint.

I hop into the shower letting the warmth seep deep into my muscles, I relax as I begin to wash my hair and hum some random song that is probably just as old as me, if not older.

I start hopping around the shower singing a tuneless tune. Once I exit the shower I brush my teeth and wash my face. As I look in the mirror doing by usual inspection of my appearance which usually ends with me wanting to punch the person in the mirror looking back at me.

This time I smile just a little bit, the rosy color has returned back to my cheeks so I don't look ghostly pale. The dark circles under my eyes are slowly vanishing and my bronze hair is retaining some of its bright coloring. I continue to dance as I see the improvement in my appearance. I have no clue what has thrust this happy mood on me but I don't want it to disappear.

**A/N: Okay everything has been a tad bit depressing the last few chapters so I wanted to lighten it up a bit. So Review! I hope you liked the chapter!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 18: Turkey Day!

Thanksgiving has arrived, that's exactly why Rachel is discussing some drama at her job as she in her words, "Slaves over the stove." These past few weeks have been amazingly wonderful. Jacob and I have settled into a routine somewhat, when he goes on his lunch break at noon he picks me up from my house and we fix the Rabbit. Jacob always was tinkering with the engine while I would just play assistant and hand him tools. We never touched on heavy subjects like the rape or why he isn't back in Seattle with his French girlfriend.

My little pill issue hasn't dwindled at all actually its still growing strong. I haven't had the nerve to do anything about it. Jacob hasn't acknowledged our argument over the pills either. 

"Tammy had the audacity to say that I went to Thomas and complained. Saying that I said she should be fired, I would never do that." Rachel exclaimed pulling me out of thoughts.

"Oh, Tammy sounds like a bitch." I grumble as I continue to set the table. We are having Thanksgiving feast at Charlie's this year. All the men are over at Billy's watching some football game, so it's just Rachel and I here to fend for ourselves. I can cook but not well enough to make a Thanksgiving meal. Rachel said she didn't mind doing any of the cooking either, besides Sue Clearwater is coming over in awhile to bring all the dessert.

"I wouldn't classify Tammy as a bitch, just - nah, your right." Rachel says as she shakes her head. I finish setting the table in the formal dining room. We never ever used this table when I was younger. Bella told me that on Sunday's we would have this grand meal and eat in the formal dining room when my mother was still here.

Odds are that's the exact reason why we never ate there anymore. Too many painful memories I guess. 

I sit back down at the kitchen table. Rachel is stirring some gravy and is still rambling on about her job. She's so caught up that she doesn't even notice when I yawn. I'm only sleepy because I didn't take my pills last night which was a horrible thing to do. Only because I am cranky and groggy, all I want to do is crawl under a rock and crash. I didn't take the pills because I wanted to see how my body would react without them.

_Clearly my body's reaction was bad._

Charlie had to pull me out of the bed, when Rachel came over and she saw the condition I was in she immediately through pounds of make up on me. I get up to go pee when I enter the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror. The concealer Rachel put on covered up the dark circles under my eyes. It doesn't matter how much make up you put on me though. I just look like a corpse with a whole bunch of paint on her face.

My outfit isn't any better, Rachel gave me some bright red strapless dress that is suffocating me.

"Ness can you go get some sodas!" Rachel yells.

I leave the bathroom, "Yeah hold on I'm going to change!" I yell back.

"Why?" Rachel whines.

"My brain is dying from the lack of oxygen flowing to it Rach." I say as I head up the stairs looking for something suitable for me to wear. I decide if I'm going to change my outfit I should go all the way and take off the make up too. I wipe the make up off and pull my hair out of the extravagant bun Rachel put it in.

I let my hair bronze curls cascade down my back and put on a black spaghetti strap dress that flows out of my waist to my knees. I slide on my converse and step downstairs. Rachel frowns when she sees me, "Black." is all she says. Black has been the only color I wear for the past two years, I don't plan on changing that.

"Sodas is all you want?" I ask.

"Actually I need some milk too." I nod my head and grab my jacket. I take Rachel's little Mazda and drive out to the grocery store. I spend the next ten minutes in the store trying to decide what brand of sodas I want. I decide on Sprite, Dr. Pepper, orange soda, and Diet coke. I get some milk and I head to the line. 

"Renesmee?" I turn around when I hear my name called. I turn to see my sister, _Bella._

"Whoa." I say reeling from the fact that Isabella Cullen is standing behind me at the grocery store on Thanksgiving.

"Wow, you look great I didn't expect you to still be here." with that simple statement I take that she hasn't communicated with Charlie over the past year.

So I just go along, "Yeah I moved all over the state but I'm back with Charlie." I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear timidly. Bella looks just as professional and pressed as she did when she dumped ne at Charlie's house before she went to the island.

Bella has on a cream colored strapless dress with her hair in a ballerina bun and I'm sure real diamond stud earrings. A heart shaped necklace with diamonds incrusted into it. Stiletto heels which I find miraculous seeing as Bella could trip over air.

Her outfit isn't what brings the frown to my face it's the wedding ring. _Edward's wedding ring._

"Apparently your back with Edward." I say with grimace.

Bella's grin drops instantly, "I never left Edward." she says through clenched teeth.

"Your know what Bella, I'm just glad to see you. Are you coming over for Thanksgiving?" I ask trying to lighten the conversation as the old lady swipes the packs of soda at the cash register. She is clearly eavesdropping on our very intimate conversation.

Bella looks down sheepishly, "Oh well actually I just came here to pick up a pie and some wine. Edward and I are going to his families out in Seattle. I'm sure we'll be back soon, Edward doesn't want to be up late since he has to go back to work." _so he still is playing her._

"Well stop by if you want." I say not even looking her in the eye. I pay for the drinks and storm out of the store without a second look. The moment I get in the car my cell rings. Charlie and Jacob pestered me into getting one last week so Jacob took me to Wal-Mart and I got a prepaid cell phone.

"Hello?" I ask as I put the keys into the ignition.

"Gobble, gobble!" I hear two little voices on the other end. I smile as I lean back in my seat and listen to the collective giggling of Harper, Zoe, and Mary. Mary gets on the phone still laughing, "They learned that word back at the daycare. I haven't been able to get them to stop."

"That's funny, so what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?" I ask as I rub my hands together. I turn the heat up in the car.

"Oh I met this guy…" Mary trails off. I sigh in annoyance. I'm not terrified of men all of sudden or anything its just I hope she's safe with this guy. There are some perverts out there who would do some sick twisted stuff, I just want her safe, her and the twins mainly.

"He's great Ness and he met the twins, they aren't scared of him or anything. I really like this guy Ness. So don't somehow mess this up for me all the way in Washington." Mary pleads. 

"Yeah, yeah, what's his name?" I ask so I can do a background check.

"Henry." Is all she says. "Ness were about to go so I'll call you later, alright?" 

"Uh huh happy Thanksgiving." I say.

I hang up shaking my head and pull out of the parking lot only to see Bella get into that infamous Rolls Royce and speed out of the parking lot. I wonder how her marriage is doing with Edward. It could be going in two directions, down the shitter still or it could be going awfully nice.

Knowing Edward it's the first option. When I enter the house, I smell something so delicious it actually makes me pick up my pace towards the kitchen. 

"Rach, this smells amazing." I whisper as I look over her shoulder.

"I know, so did you get the drinks?" Rachel asks turning around from the stove to fully look at me. I hold up the bags and Rachel tells me to just sit them in the fridge. I open the refrigerator door and set the cans inside. Suddenly the doorbell rings, Rachel answers it and I hear squeals erupt from the front of the house. I sigh and wipe my hands on my dress, I take off my jacket and rest it on couch.

I see Sue Clearwater, Seth, and some beautiful girl. She has shoulder length black hair and a Victoria Secret model look to her. The girl has a smile on her face but it looks strained as if it hurts to smile. I stand a little off to the side as Rachel badgers Seth, Sue and this girl with questions.

"Hey Ness!" Seth shouts. I flinch at his deep voice bellowing off the ceiling. I smile as I walk towards Seth who has his arms outstretched waiting for me to hug him. I wrap my arms around Seth; he is like a overly grown teddy bear. He rocks me back and forth and I giggle as he tries to give me a good squeeze.

"Okay - Seth can't… breath." I gasp. He pulls away instantly and his face beams with happiness. _All of this just for little old me?_

"Sorry, so how are you feeling?" he asks as we walk into the kitchen.

"Um pretty cool, I guess." I say not sure if I should confess and say I'm exhausted and my emotions are threatening to boil over each day. Seeing Bella just drove me a little bit more insane, as if that was even possible. Seth nods and I see knowing cross his face, he's going to ask about the rape.

"Seth don't feel awkward about the whole rape thing. I don't even remember it." I say grimly. The thought that I can't remember the rape nearly causes me to punch the wall. But I've learned how to control my emotions lately so I just take a deep breath.

"Oh okay." he says quietly.

"Hi Renesmee," I look up to see Sue Clearwater, Bella's housekeeper smiling at me. I wave a shy wave over to her as Seth heads to the living room. I sit next to him and close my eyes and try to relax. Like I said earlier, not taking that pill before I went to bed was a bad idea. At least I'm not stuck in that death trap dress anymore.

Seth must catch my mood and stays quiet. I thank him for that, I'm sleepy and I feel like the only that could keep me going is forty shots of espressos'. Before I know it someone is shaking me awake. I look around disoriented as I wake up to see Jacob's warm dark brown eyes. For some odd reason I grin like a fool when I see that.

Jacob's frown deepens as he looks at me worriedly, "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Huh uh." I nod as I yawn.

"How long was I asleep?" I ask as I stand up. Jacob wraps his arm around my waist to help me balance. I get this tingly feeling in my stomach as he rubs my side. I almost drift back to sleep on the spot.

"When I came over you had passed out on Seth's shoulder. That was about an hour ago." he says while looking at me. I just shrug.

"I've been sleepy all day." I mumble as I rub the sleep from my eyes. When we enter the dining room everyone turns their heads to look as us quizzically. Immediately their eyes drop to Jacob's arm around my waist. I pull away instantly, I act like I didn't catch a frown form on Jacobs face as I sit down. Jacob sits down next to me so I'm in between him and Seth who is already scoping out what he wants to eat.

My stomach growls when my eyes land on the mashed potatoes.

_That's all I'm going to eat then_. Charlie gives a little speech about how thankful he is, the whole time he is blushing profusely as he eyes Sue. I wonder what that's about. The girl who's name I still don't know is staring at her plate as if it just called her a bitch. I rub my forehead tiredly as I suddenly get the awful thought that this will be a long dinner. When its my turn to say what I'm thankful for before we eat, I choke literally. I start coughing to the point where Seth starts to rub my back like a baby.

"Sorry." I whisper as I sip some water and look at the curtains behind Rachel's shoulder. 

I fight the urge to say "Pass." so I say I'm thankful for my friends and family. Everyone shoots me nervous smiles and I look down officially humiliated for the rest of the night. Once were done I grab the bowl of mashed potatoes and dump about five spoonfuls on my plate. I then drizzle gravy all over it and take a roll and throw it on my plate.

"Is that all your going to eat?" Jacob whispers in my ear.

"I've had my eyes on these mashed potatoes for the past fifteen minutes." I whisper back fiercely. Jacob laughs lightly as I take a forkful and stuff some food in my mouth. I keep my mouth busy the whole dinner so I won't be forced to converse with anyone. I'd rather listen than discuss, everyone is engrossed in their own conversations so no one even notices me. Which is perfectly fine with me.

"What were you guys doing earlier?" I ask Jacob as I chew some more potatoes. I decide I'll try some string beans so I won't seem to weird for only eating starches and carbs. _It's all going to my thighs anyway_, Jacob talks about some football game as I listen intently. The whole time I stare at him and wonder if I should confine into him about running into Bella today.

I know I can't tell Charlie or he'll want to know more which would lead into me telling him why I really came back to Forks over a year ago. After a long battle in my head I finally decide that I'll tell Jacob but not here, in private, later. Very later, I might even just call him. Who knows.

When everyone is done we all move into the living room. Well the guys move to the living room while us girls wash dishes. I blindly dry the dishes as Rachel and Sue wash them, that girl who I learned her name is Leah she is putting the dishes into the cabinets.

"So what's going on with you and Jacob?" Leah asks me as I dry a cup.

"What do you mean?" I ask quickly. Can I breath near Jacob without anyone assuming Jacob and I are planning to elope in Vegas or something.

"Oh you know what I mean." she says with a snort causing Rachel and Sue to laugh along with her. I control my temper that is threatening to spill over. I count to ten and take deep breathes as I say, "He's my friend." the girls seem to notice how annoyed I am so we keep the subject pretty light after that.

The guys are hooting and hollering as they watch yet another football game.

When I'm done I have a piece of cake at the kitchen table. I chew miserably as I scope out how I can slyly walk up the steps and pass out in my bedroom. After I'm done eating and my belly is ready to explode I say good night to all the girls. I mumble something about having a cramp in my stomach, they'll blame my mood on PMS anyway.

I close my door softly and strip out of my dress and sneakers, I pull on a sweatshirt and some shorts. I throw my hair into a messy bun as I climb into bed. 

Three hours later I wake up to hear someone knocking on my door. I put my glasses on as I open the door. I scratch my head and yawn as Jacob smiles at me lightly.

"What do you want Black?" I ask playfully. I let Jacob enter my bedroom and I close my door after he sits down on my raggedy bed. It squeaks a little from under his weight.

I take a seat next to him, "Did you enjoy your Turkey day?" I ask with a grin. 

"You are such a dork." he says while laughing at me.

"The only thing dorky about me is my glasses, so back off buddy." I say with mock seriousness. 

Jacob rubs his eyes tiredly and I decide against telling him about the Bella thing. He looks tired and he has dark circles forming under his eyes. Jacob looks as if he hasn't slept in years.

"Are you okay?" I ask. The roles are reversed now. He's usually the on to make sure I'm comfortable all of the time.

"Oh I'm fine, just a little bit sleepy." he says with a huge yawn.

"Don't lie to me, you look like a zombie. You don't have to go home, you can sleep in my bed." I say before I'm even mentally aware of the words coming out of my mouth. Jacob's eyes widen and I smile at him seriously.

"Really?" he asks shocked.

"Yep." I'm totally serious.

"I can't do that Ness, I'll go crash on the couch." Jacob says standing up.

I grab his hand before he can go to stop him, "No, stay." I say more serious. Jacob stares at me intently searching for any sign that I'm joking. He decides that I'm not and takes off his shoes and pulls off his shirt and his pants so now all he has on is his boxers.

My jaw hangs slack as I take in his ripped chest. He has a I six pack, no it's more of a eight pack technically. I lick my lips as I imagine running my tongue along his stomach. I come out of my thoughts when I feel his hand on my wrist. Jacob pulls me down so my back is to his chest. I don't even need a blanket because his heat is so massive.

I turn to my other side so I can face Jacob, I thought he was already sleeping but apparently he had the same idea because now were both staring at each other. I bite my lower lip I look down and begin to blush. There's this tension, its sexual and I can feel it.

_Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him sleep in my bed. _

"Goodnight." Jacob whispers.

"Night." I whisper back. Jacob pulls me impossibly closer towards him and I let him. I relax as I drift off to sleep.

**A/N: It's going to get a tad bit dramatic next chapter, just so you know! Review!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thanks for reviews, sorry last chapter was all underlined.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight…**

Chapter 19: Equal

The next morning I woke up to feel a warm arm wrapped around my waist. I look over to see it's Jacob. I almost jump in fear but then I realize I let him sleep with me. I try to rack my brain to make sure we didn't do anything drastic. Like have sex which would end up with me pregnant with his baby. I am _so_ not ready for that, raising the twins with Mary was enough.

I try to move out of the bed since I have to pee, when I move Jacob's hold on me only gets tighter. I try to move again, once again I'm unsuccessful my only response from Jacob is him mumbling something about ten more minutes. I start to shove his arm from off of me, but he has at least fifty pounds on me.

I let out a sigh and just lay there, I look at his face and I realize he looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. He doesn't look like its killing him to talk to someone, Jacob never acts like that around me but whenever he has to talk to someone else he looks instantly annoyed. But in his sleep he looks so pain free, younger even.

I smile at that, I lightly run my fingertips over the strong planes of his jaw. Jacob lightly moans in his sleep causing me to freak out and stop. Soon enough Jacob lets out a yawn and begins to stir around, Jacob instantly removes his arm from my waist once he realizes what he was doing.

"Good morning," I say with a casual smile as if we didn't just fall asleep wrapped in each others arm. Jacob gives me a very sexy tired smile. I look down and blush as I scratch my hair nervously. I stand up and stretch and I enter the bathroom. In the bathroom I give myself a quick look over, I still look abnormally pale, my hair is all over my head so I attempt to tame that mess.

There's not much I can do other than apply make up which is not my thing so I take a deep breath and open the door. Jacob has laid back down on the bed and I hesitantly sit back down next to him. _Oh gosh now this is awkward._

"Did you sleep well?" I ask trying to fill the silence.

"I don't think I've slept that great since high school." he says with a laugh. I will admit, not aloud, but I'll admit that was some wonderful sleep. It was as if Jacob's presence was like my personal sleeping pill. I refuse to think he is the reason for the blissful sleep though.

"You want some breakfast?" I ask standing up once again. Jacob nods as he gets up and heads to the bathroom. I walk downstairs and begin to make a feast, I don't know why I'm cooking so much. Maybe it's the nerves or maybe it's because I feel like a lot of stuff is going to be said at this breakfast.

Jacob comes downstairs fully clothed. I let out a sigh of relief, I can't take him seriously when he's half naked, its not fair for me or my body. Too damn tempting. Jacob sits down at the table and I can feel his dark brown eyes burning a hole into my back. I search my brain for a possible conversation starter.

The words I use to begin the conversation are so wrong it doesn't make sense, "You know I saw Bella at the grocery store yesterday." I literally cringe the moment I finish the sentence. I turn around after and unbearably long beat of silence.

Jacob looks almost as if he wants to believe I didn't just say that. I wish I didn't but I did. I totally just did.

"Oh that's good." is all he says while training his eyes on the table.

"She's still married to Edward, even though he's treats her like shit." the words are just falling out of my mouth. I couldn't stop them from coming out of my mouth if I sewed my mouth shut. Maybe my subconscious is turning off my brain filter because it knows if it was on I would never speak of any of this.

"What?" Jacob says annoyed.

Brain Filter: _On._

Crap now I have to do damage control. I don't want to continue talking about this now. Too late I already brought it up, _he's interested now Ness!_

"Nothing." I whisper while scrambling the eggs, I'm not as hungry as before now. My stomach feels like it's going to spill all of my Thanksgiving meal onto the stove. I hold my stomach as I feel Jacob stand behind me, _don't turn around I just stand there._

"What did you say about Bella?" he asks angry now.

"Why do you care?" I snap back. I cover my face with my hand, I sound just like I did back in high school in that lunch room. Jealous, evil, and immature.

"Your right I shouldn't care but I do. Now tell me what your talking about Renesmee." I slowly turn around only to be shocked at how close Jacob is to me. Our noses are almost touching. I slide to the left and walk into the living room. When Jacob follows me I begin to pace, the only way I can talk to about this to him is if I just air everything out.

"You have to be quiet the whole time I tell you this, oh and don't tell anyone else." I say while looking at him nervously. I didn't put my glasses on before I came down here so Jacob is just a huge menacing figure leaning against the doorway that leads into the living room.

"Fine." Is all I get from him.

"I have to get my glasses." I mumble while brushing past him. I grab my glasses and hustle back into the kitchen to finish cooking. Jacob is now looking dead at me waiting for my answers.

"My little dream of becoming a producer in L.A. was chewed up and spit out my bills, rent, and car payments. I was working as a waiter at this restaurant in Hollywood, I ran into Nahuel, my ex, we started dating instantly. He was rich and well… I was broke so I attracted to him like a moth to light. I wouldn't say I was a gold-digger but I will say when he broke up with me I missed his car more than him. Bella was the only one I kept contact with back up here while I was in L.A. she knew I was in trouble." I start to pour some eggs and pancakes on Jacob's plate.

"By this time I had moved into my own apartment and I was working at the Stop & Go, it's a small grocery store in L.A, anyway Bella continued hounding me into ways to move back to Forks, I always relented. One day I got kicked out of my apartment and I was living in my car. The day before Bella had already told me I had three days to make a choice, I either would move back to Forks on my own or Bella would come and get me. I took the offer and went back to Forks."

Jacob is now staring intently at his food while I put a biscuit and some bacon on his plate.

"At first no one was supposed to know I was in Forks. The plan was for Bella to get some job interviews going, in the mean time I would look for some colleges to attend, I mean my SAT score was flawless, I'm getting side tracked now… oh okay, I was only there one day Jacob, one fucking day and I got this unreal look into Bella's life."

"I mentioned how nice her car was and she for some odd reason was just disgusted, wouldn't talk to me wouldn't stare at me, nothing. You would've thought I called her fat or something. The next day I was watching TV on the couch and Edward came home," the moment I mention Edward Jacob's hands ball into tight fist.

"He thought I was slacking, to him I was a loser. That night Bella and Edward had a huge argument, Edward called me horrible things, he said Bella was a terrible wife. The thing that bothered me the most was that Bella took it as if every word he spoke was the truth. In the morning Bella woke me up saying I had to leave since the night before Edward said he was going to stay in his condo in Seattle. Bella said I had to leave because she was going to some island. She dropped me off at Charlie's and I hadn't saw her up until yesterday." Now I'm chewing a piece of bacon distantly looking out the window watching the rain slap the window.

It's unexceptionally quiet when I turn around to see Jacob still staring at his plate with his fist balled up. I walk over to the table and sit across from him. I don't know what I'm going or trying to do so I just sit there.

"I tried to tell her she deserved better but I guess she is too blinded by love." I whisper.

Bella is who she is, she will forever claim that Edward's emotional abuse is her fault even though its not. But who knows maybe Edward has changed. _Doubtful. _

"Does Charlie know?" Jacob asks.

"Nope no one does, possibly Sue Clearwater, she's like their housekeeper. Even then I wouldn't think so." I say while taking some eggs off of Jacob's plate. He clearly isn't going to eat so I just take the whole plate from him. Jacob unclenches his hands and looks at me as if he's trying to see if I'm lying.

"You think I'm joking?" I ask angrily.

"No its just -"

"Just what? Why the fuck would I lie about something like this Jacob. Gosh, you really are a tool." I stand up and throw the plate into the sink causing it to break. I don't care now, once again I confined into him and what does he do? _He thinks I'm lying!_

"Ness I don't think your lying it's just… I don't want it to be real because now I feel like I have a right to shout I told you so in Bella's face. But that would get us nowhere." I turn around and look at Jacob miserably, he smiles a very shy smile at me.

"Do you want to like, go see her?" I ask not really knowing what I'm saying.

"Um, that would be a terrible idea." Jacob says with a laugh.

"Maybe it could fix it."

"Fix what?" Jacob asks annoyed once again.

"Fix Bella, she needs to get out of that shitty marriage now. Edward might hit her or even worse… he could have already hurt her. Who knows." I say looking back out the window.

"How do you know that Edward isn't a nice guy again. Maybe they patched up their marriage." Jacob says not meeting my eye.

"Come on you know that's a damn lie. Edward is still a jackass, once a jackass always a jackass. You should know that." I mumble the last part out. Jacob heard what I said, I know it. I know only because he lets out a defeated sigh.

"Renesmee how are you going to "fix' Bella when you can't even fix yourself?" Jacob asks. He means it in a joking way but I still grow very angry.

"Fuck you." I growl out as I slam some random object down on the counter. Jacob flinches.

"I didn't mean it -"

"No, I'm sure you did. Jacob, you don't think that I know I'm a fuck up. Because I do, oh I know I'm a junkie and a rape victim and some girl who has loved you since she could talk. I-I don't need you, definitely not you to tell me I'm fucked up." I say and I can feel the tears welling up in my throat. I storm out of the kitchen upstairs and I slam my door in my bedroom.

I sit on my bed and throw my head into my hands I stifle the sobs that are threatening to erupt. So I just sit there and hold my breath.

I hear the door softly click open I feel Jacob's warm presence next to me.

He must understand that I don't want to talk I just want to be held. I just want to sit there, nothing more nothing less.

"You never answered my question." I say after the silence.

"What question?" Jacob asks.

"Why are you here?" I ask with more conviction.

"I quit my job out in Seattle and broke it off with Vivian. I came back down here because… I really felt like shit. I hated myself, I hated everyone, I even hated you for making me hate everyone. Then I realized you didn't make me do anything, in fact you made me realize what a asshole I am. Once I heard you got raped, I bolted down to Arizona and I knew I had to fix us. Not just fix you, not just me but both of us. We were both severely scared, there were billons of open wounds. Scabs that had healed but not correctly, so much pain that we needed to just fix." Jacob frowns as he looks at the floor concentrating.

"I have no right to say that you're a fuck up when in reality I'm more of a fuck up. All I do is screw with our relationship. We take two steps forward only for me to take ten steps back." Jacob roughly runs a hand through his hair.

"We are equal fuck ups." I whisper leaning my head on his shoulder.

The rest of the day is spent with Jacob and I just talking. We don't hold anything back whether what were about to say is going to be truly evil or really nice. Either way I let it all out, I explain to Jacob how it's eating me alive to know that I might possibly be forming a pill addiction.

"I-I'm scared that this is going to really mess with me. I don't want to be addicted to those pills. I don't want to have to depend on them, yet I do." I say with a shaky breath.

"The only way I think this problem can stop is if I get help. And your that help." I say not making eye contact with Jacob. I look down at my fingers as I continue to wring them out. Jacob pulls my chin so I can look him in the eye.

I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his. He lets out a sigh and his warm breath wafts all over my face. I squeeze my eyes tight as I feel a few tears slide down my cheek. Jacob wipes them away and I let out a shaky breath.

"You'll get through it, don't worry." he whispers.

"How?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"Don't lie to me and say it will be fine when its not." I say opening my eyes Jacob leans back and becomes very smug, "Someone can't go through that much pain and never have one happy moment." I look down hoping he's right.

He just has to, I haven't been truly happy since forever, or rather I haven't let myself be fully happy.

"I hope your right." I grumble.

"You want to talk about the rape?" Jacob asks more quietly.

"Just another one out of a billion things I need to get off of my chest," I whisper as I lean back to stare at the ceiling, "I can't remember anything credited the bastard gave me a roofy cocktail, but all I remember is flashes. Just little white lights of what happened. It's just I wish I could truly remember everything so I know that night was… _real_." I close my eyes suddenly tired from all the talking.

"You know when I first woke up in the hospital the first thing I saw were daises." I say running my hand through my hair.

"I got you those flowers." Jacob says.

"I hate daises."

Its quiet for a long time until Jacob shoots up causing me to flinch from his abruptness. He darts up and runs into the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused standing in the bathroom doorway.

"Where do you keep those pills?" Jacob asks. I instantly get overprotective.

I shake the aggressive mood, "There in my underwear drawer." I mumble. Jacob goes into my room looks through my underwear grabs the pill bottle rushes back into the bathroom. He turns on the faucet and I know what he's going to do.

Jacob washes my pills down the sink.

My heart lurches for the pills but I just stand there, a statue. I'm stuck not sure exactly how to react so my reaction is just a gush of air leaving my mouth like someone just punched me. Jacob looks at me measuring my every move.

"I understand why you did it." is all I say as I walk back into my room. I lay back down on my bed and stare the ceiling in a daze. It hasn't really registered yet what he just did but I'm sure when it does I'll go crazy.

Later that day when Charlie is home before Jacob leaves he says, "Ness I'm here to help you. Even when you don't want any help."

**A/N: Got a little emotional writing this. I'm such a girl, anyway REVIEW! **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns The Twilight saga…**

Chapter 20: Mine

For the next two weeks I barely slept, yep no sleep, _zero. _I constantly woke up in shivers, my heart would begin to pound out of my chest at random intervals. I would have chest pains constantly, one second I would have beads of sweat rolling down the back of my neck the next I'm freezing. It didn't help that whenever I took a Tylenol or any form of headache medicine I would cramp up for some odd reason.

I groan as I roll over in my bed, the lack of sleep I've been getting has been terrible on my social life, if that's what you even want to call it. The only person I can hold a conversation up with is Jacob and even then I'll admit it, he aggravates me. I rub my eyes and look at the sun rising. I sigh as I get up another sleepless night has passed.

I get up and take a shower, I don't even bother washing up, I just stand there. When I get out my hair is a damp mess, I contemplate cutting it but I realize I don't have it in me for all of that. I pull it up into a messy bun on the top of my head, I slide on some jeans and a sweat shirt. I walk downstairs and turn on the TV.

I turn to the some random movie, the next two hours are spent with me flipping through the channels wishing I could just crash. Charlie walks down at five thirty which is pretty late for him. He lets out a yawn as he walks into the kitchen with his neatly pressed uniform on. Charlie doesn't pay much attention to me after the first three days of me waking up before him he let it go. I told him I was just restless he suggested some sleeping pills.

I almost gave in but I heard Jacob in the back of my mind saying not to.

"Have a good day dad." I say with a wave as he walks out. Charlie yells a good day to me too on his way out. Another two hours later I sigh and heave myself off of the couch, I walk into the kitchen and look through the fridge, I grab a slice of pie. Sue brought some over last night for dinner and I pretty much attacked it.

So I'll pleasure myself with more, I sit back on the couch I almost dosed off to sleep but I didn't achieve it. Around ten someone knocks on the door I groan as I get up. _Whoever brought me out of my miserable state is going to pay._ I open the door shocked when I see Bella at the door in a very casual yet fancy get up.

Levi skinny jeans a violet cashmere sweater and black knee high boots.

I glance down and yes that ring is still there.

"Hey." I say weakly.

"Hey," Bella says with a huge grin on her face_. Why is she so happy? _The only way I could be happy if I was her was if I broke up with Edward. Other than that life seems pretty bleak.

"Come on in." I say after realizing I just stood there for more than thirty seconds.

Bella walks in awkwardly and I rush over to the couch and grab my plate of pie. I ended up going back for seconds, thirds, fourths, and fifths. What can I say, I love me some pie. I put the dish into the sink. Bella sits down at the kitchen table and I sit across from her.

"So what's up, how's life been treating you?" I ask

"I'm good everything's pretty nice." Pretty nice, Translation: my life sucks.

"I understand." I say with a head nod. Bella frowns and she tenses up, "Renesmee everything is truly fine." Bella says as if she's trying to assure herself more than me.

"I didn't say they weren't." I say putting my hands up defensively.

"Your such a twit." Bella grumbles, I begin laughing. "But you love me." I tease.

"True, so how have you been doing. Do you have a job?" Bella asks totally blind. She is so clueless as to what has happened to me this past year. I've been to hell and back, if the sleepless nights means anything it's probably that I'm still in hell.

"I'm good, no job though." I say looking down. Trying to get a job in my mental state is practically impossible.

"Oh, I could help with that you know." Bella says lightly.

"Nah I don't think I should get a job right now." I say quietly.

For the next hour Bella and I talk about nothing really she just tells me what's been happening at her job. Bella works at a big publishing company out in Seattle. She did always love reading, I was more of the dreamer, you know artsy type. The doorbell rings at noon and I freeze up, I know who that is.

Jacob, I excuse myself but Bella wants to come to the door with me. _This is going to be so awkward!_

I open the door and Jacob turns around I look down embarrassed when he sees Bella, since I'm not looking at neither of them I don't know what Jacob or Bella's initial reactions were.

I look up and decide that one minute of silence is too fucking long.

"Jake! What are you doing here!" I shout as if I had no clue he was coming.

"Um, what was I doing here?" Jacob asks himself looking down. At this point Bella has been stunned into silence.

"I'll see you guys later." Jacob says abruptly, he turns around to go back to his car but Bella stops him, "Wait." Bella whispers. I look at Bella wide eyed like she just grew horns. _Why? _Is all I can think, Jacob looks at me for a moment and I tell him with my eyes it's okay. Jacob walks back to the doorway and I move out of the way to let them both reenter. I shake my head as we walk into the kitchen.

The tension is so thick it's nearly making me sweat.

"How are you doing?" Bella asks only to Jacob. I stand behind them still feeling just like I did back in high school: Jealous and sad. They both have their backs to me, I take the hint that this is a private conversation so I walk into the living room. I control my anger but I don't control the stomping as I walk to the couch.

"Fuck her." I mumble under my breath so only I can hear it.

I look over the couch and Jacob an Bella are now sitting across from each other at the table speaking in hushed voices. Jacob looks agonized while Bella looks disgusted with herself. She should feel disgusted with herself for treating _my_ Jacob like that. I stiffen at the thought of Jacob being my Jacob.

I don't own him, he's not mine. I don't have papers on him necessarily it's just I kind of do feel just a tad bit possessive of him. Maybe it's because we have such an understanding. I push those thoughts out, Jacob's a friend only a friend. Nothing more nothing less.

Bella and Jacob talk in hushed voices for nearly twenty minutes, twenty minutes too fucking long if you ask me. If she's trying to convince him to come back I'll pull Bella's long luscious locks out. Even worse if Jacob actually goes back to her, I might… just die. That would ultimately destroy.

I know I put up the front that I might have it put together but trust me I don't. Jacob's the only one I reveal that to, he's the only person I feel comfortable revealing that to.

Bella slams the door suddenly and I look over the couch confused. Jacob runs a hand through his short black hair. I get up and sit next to him at the table. I bite my lower lip wondering what he could've said to anger Bella. His face isn't helping much, Jacob just looks like he ripped off a band-aid, pained yet relieved.

"What happened?" I whisper.

Jacob looks at me and my stomach clenches, I've never felt so close to someone as I did in that moment. Its as if he's staring into my soul, the intensity freaks me out and I look down nervously. I begin to play with my fingers as Jacob clears his throat.

"Nothing." is all he says.

"Come on! You guys talked for like twenty minutes, Bella stormed out of the house and all you have to say is nothing? I call bullshit." I say with a head shake.

Jacob starts laughing and gets up, "What's so funny? I like to laugh too." I say as I stand up with him.

Jacob looks at me for a second as if he's weighing his options.

"Come with me." he says grabbing my hand. I smile to myself as I come in contact with his warm rough yet soft skin. Jacob turns off the TV and hands me my jacket and pulls me outside to his truck. Once were in the car he drops the contact. We drive down the back roads of La push and I look out the window wondering where he's taking me.

We pull up to a secluded beach area.

"Is this the part where you kill me?" I ask sarcastically as we get out.

"If I was going to kill you I'd do it in a different state like Florida." Jacob says looking down at me.

"Good to know." I say with head nod.

We begin to walk on the beach, I scowl as I breeze comes past, I'm now shivering. Walking on the beach in late November in Washington is not a good idea. Jacob notices that I'm shivering and wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. That alone is enough to make me die a happy woman.

"Why are we here?" I ask breaking the silence. Jacob sighs and pull back to get a better look at him.

"I wanted some peace and quiet." Jacob says with a smile.

"Tell me the truth." I say not buying that peaceful and serenity bullshit.

"Fine, Bella just erked my nerves and I couldn't be in that house anymore. I didn't want to leave you though so I bought you with me." I smile a little bit at that.

"What Bella do to you? She didn't ask you if you wanted to go back out did she?" I ask sheepishly. If Bella stormed out that means he either refused or she just didn't ask the question.

"Bella just tried to reason with me, telling me how bad she felt, how bad she still feels. I told her I was fine but she thought I was lying. Saying something along the lines of 'Your in denial, your only hanging with Renesmee because you need someone to replace me.' Apparently your second best to her." Jacob shakes his head angrily.

I pull away and stop in my tracks. Bella couldn't have said that. The way Jacob put it Bella sounded as if I'm inferior to her.

_That bitch! My own sister, flesh and blood man!_

"She's such a bitch! She's just mad because your _mine_ now!" I shout but quiet down instantly after I realize I just called Jacob mine.

Jacob seems very pleased with my reaction as if he wanted me to feel this way towards him.

"Um… I didn't meant to call you mine -"

"It's okay." I nod nervously.

"It's not like I have these strong feelings for you or anything." I mumble trying to reason with myself more than him. Jacob walks closer to me or I walked closer to him. Either way were standing very close to each other to the point where the only thing I want to do is kiss him.

Jacob leans down and I stand up on my tippy toes unconsciously as if I knew what was happening before my mind did. Jacob pauses for a second as if he's not sure if I want this. I pull his head to mine and he wraps his arms tightly around my waist pulling me closer to him than I ever thought possible. I wrap arms around his neck.

Jacob slides his tongue into my mouth. I moan as I grab a handful of his hair at the nape of his neck. I've never been kissed like this, Jacob's kissing me as if I'm the answers to all his questions. I let my tongue rove throughout Jacobs mouth.

We pull back so we can catch our breath. I can't help the smile that is etched all over my face.

"Why'd you kiss me?" I ask as we begin to walk. I've never seen such a look of content on Jacob's face in my life.

"I thought it was a long time coming I guess." he says winking at me. I slap him on the chest playfully and he leans back down to kiss me. This time the kiss is filled with much more passion since I'm aware of what is happening. I wrap my legs around his waist and Jacobs hand slide down to my ass. I move my mouth to his neck and I begin to nibble on his ear.

"Ness your going to be the death of me." he says once we pull back.

"I'm sure you'd die a happy man." I say with a cheesy smile.

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend now?" I ask hesitantly as we walk back to the car. Jacob's stomach began to make beastly noises so I assumed we could go back to his house and eat.

"No." he says quickly.

"What! You can't just fucking kiss me like that Black! I should fucking punch you!" I shout angrily pulling back. I do almost hit him only for Jacob to burst out laughing.

"I was joking baby." Jacob says pulling me close to his chest.

"Yeah well that wasn't a very funny joke." I mumble while kissing his chest softly.

"Your right it wasn't. I want do that again." he says.

"Good, now get in the car, I'm cold." I order sternly. Jacob salutes me like a soldier but gets in the car with a laugh. The ride back to his house is filled with us just goofing off. When we get inside Billy isn't there, I ask Jacob where he could be and Jacob says he went fishing with someone.

I walk into the kitchen and begin to reheat some food from last night. I walk into the living room and snuggle next to Jacob. He wraps his arms around my shoulder and I lean my head on his shoulder. Were quiet for a few moments until I get this killer headache. It's so spontaneous that I actually flinch and hiss in pain.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asks worriedly.

"Yeah just a little headache." I say shrugging it off. Jacob sees through my terrible lie and gets up to get me some headache medicine.

"Jake it's not going to work. Tylenol doesn't work for me." I groan a little in pain as a sudden burst of pain shoots through my chest. I sit down in a chair and my breathing becomes labored. Jacob rushes over to me and kneels down in front of me.

"I'm fine." I say through clenched teeth rubbing my chest. I've had some chest pains but this is just unbearable.

"I'm just dizzy that's all." I whisper closing my eyes as the room begins to spin as well.

"Ness have you been taking the sleeping pills?" Jacob asks looking at me as if I'm going to lie. Which I was but now…

"Yes." I say giving in. He'll figure how some way anyway. Why not just tell the truth.

"How long?" he asks now looking frustrated.

"Two weeks, I haven't slept in two weeks." I say looking down at my hands.

"It's the Xanax Ness. You haven't been taking it so now your going through withdrawal _and_ the side effects." Jacob says while rubbing my leg. I would be lying to you if I said that, that little move alone did wonders in making me calm down.

"Whatever." I grumble.

"You aren't taking them anymore right?" Jacob asks.

"No! You through them down the drain remember?" I ask with anger pulsing through me.

"I was just making sure." Jacob reasons.

"Sure Jacob." I sit down on the couch and cross my arms over my chest stubbornly.

I wince as another shot of pain runs through me, this pain is probably from the Xanax but that doesn't mean I can do anything about it.

**A/N: I'm sure everyone's happy that I got them together! I know I am, so how do you feel about Bella's little drama? Plus the headache and chest pains with Ness. Come on Review! **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thanks for reviews!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters and locations from the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 21: Old friends

_Headache_. I shoot up in my bed rubbing my throbbing head. I can literally feel my pulse in my brain. I squeeze my eyes shut as I sigh. I slowly open my eyes as they adjust to the darkness, my eyes don't have to adjust that much sense it's a full moon and the moonlight is streaming directly into my bedroom. I groan and get up to grab some water. Downstairs I try my hardest not to make a ruckus, of course when I'm trying to be quiet I'm usually really loud.

I turn the dim light on that is over the sink as I search for a cup. I get a glass cup and turn on the faucet. I sip the water and instantly frown. _Tap water_. I pour out the tap water and look for a bottle. I open up the bottle and sit down at the kitchen table.

Surprisingly this was the first night in two weeks that I've actually got more than ten minutes of sleep. I hung out with Jacob for a few more hours but at around ten my headache became unbearable and he took me home. The moment my head hit the pillow I was asleep. Actually sleeping, like a real human being! I couldn't believe it.

But now it's four in the morning and I have another throbbing headache. I sigh as I rub my temples. The cold water is slowly killing the headache. I can't take pills because I'm afraid it will just make it worse. I lean my head against the table as my eye lids become hooded. I'm so drowsy and this chair is _so_ comfortable. I drift off to sleep, only to be woke up an hour later by Charlie.

"Ness, are you okay?" he asks lightly tapping on my shoulder.

"Huh!" I shoot up on the defense immediately. I gather my bearings as I look around the kitchen.

"Oh yeah I'm fine dad. Must've fell asleep after grabbing my midnight snack." I mumble as I stand up and head back upstairs to my bedroom. I throw Charlie a goodbye over my shoulder as I slam my door shut. I fall on the bed and my eyes close and once again I am asleep.

I wake up on my own this time, I look at the clock and its about three in the afternoon. I slept the whole day away. I panic as I wonder why Jacob didn't call or something. I run around the house until I yelp in surprise when I see Jacob on the couch.

"How'd you get in?" I ask as I slowly approach him. He can not do that whole sneaking into the house thing. Not only is it a total turn off it is just totally creepy.

"You guys keep a key under the mat. I just came in and I checked on you. You look so tired that I just let you sleep." I nod slowly as he explains.

"You guys should find a less predictable spot to hide your key. Just saying." Jacob says as I sit next to him on the couch.

"I'll fix that later." I say with a yawn.

"I can't believe you slept through the whole day." Jacob says rubbing my shoulders.

"I can't believe I slept period." I say proudly.

At about five o'clock Jacob turns to me and asks if I want to go out to Port Angeles and catch a movie. "Sure as long as it's not a horror movie." Jacob laughs as I state my rules. Last time I went to a horror movie with Jacob I peed on myself. I climb up the steps to take a shower. Once I'm done getting dressed I follow Jacob out to his car.

The ride over is pretty quiet I just can't believe I actually slept. It wasn't through a whole a night but I'll take what I can get you know. I lean my head against the truck window as we past the streets I notice how merry everyone looks. The streets are now decorated with green, red, and white streamers.

Christmas decorations already? Thanksgiving was literally three days ago. I shake my head as we pull into the parking lot of the movie theater. As we walk into the theater Jacob and I argue over what movie we should see.

"Jacob going to see a horror movie is out of the question completely." I say through clenched teeth as we wait in line at the ticket booth.

"Come on it was only a few years ago." Jacob says speaking of the incident when I walked out of that damn theater with wet pants.

"Fine." I grumble giving in.

We take our seats in the theater in the back row. As the lights dim I see a couple sit in front of us who look faintly familiar. I ponder the thought of who the couple could possibly be but I shake my head. It can't be…

The opening scene of the movie appears and from the get go people are screaming and dying left and right. This movie isn't scary, it's dumb. I roll my eyes as I look at Jacob annoyed. "You paid ten bucks for this shit?" I ask as some cheerleader who is clearly older than seventeen gets her head chopped off.

"It's kind of funny at least." Jacob reasons. I lean away from him and stare at the screen only seeing the colors. Slowly yet almost too fast a headache creeps up on me. I hiss as my chest begins to tighten up. Jacob eyes me worriedly and I shake my head as if everything is fine. I rub my sore chest soothingly.

The girl in front of us lets out a very ugly, strange screech. Her boyfriend squeezes her arm reassuringly as she leans into him.

"This is so scary." she whispers. I would know that bullshit from anywhere. _Jessica. _I get a wicked smile on my face only for it to turn into a grimace as another ping of pain runs through my chest. Jacob who isn't as oblivious to my chest pains as I thought is now asking if I want to leave.

"I'm fine." I say hoarsely.

"No your not lets go." Jacob says grabbing my hand tightly he pulls me up and I lean into him as my head begins to throb awfully hard. Jessica looks at us and she audibly gasps. Her fear is not from the movie but of seeing me once again.

"Renesmee?" she asks almost scared. Did I leave that much a impression on her. She says my name as if I'm some night creature that is to never be heard of.

"Jessica!" I say loudly as if were old friends. The whole theater well more of the other two teenage couples in here shush at me. I ignore my chest ache and push off of Jacob.

"Long time no see! Where have you been?" I ask Jessica as she stares at Jacob and I as if she's just seen a ghost.

"Well?" I ask.

Jessica stands up and her date stands up with her, I recognize her date as Chase. I frown in disgust as they both walk out. Jacob is clearly hiding his laughter. I roll my eyes as we walk out of the theater as we walk out I see Jessica and Chase talking to each other. I'm going to milk the shock on these folks faces and mess with them. Major headache or not I like fucking with Jessica.

"You never answered my question." I say to Jessica almost too innocently.

"I'm fine." she says through clenched teeth. She eyes Jacob with distain while I grin at her and Chase. Chase is looking at my longingly. Well he shouldn't have douched off with me over a year ago. I could've stayed here in Washington if Chase and mines relationship would've took off. _Maybe_.

"Are you sure because I heard Jacob fired you." I say making the ouch face like I actually feel sorry for this demented bitch.

"I digressed." these one words answers aren't working for me. I glance down at her hand and I see a sparkly diamond on her ugly thin hands.

"You two are engaged!" I gasp.

"I proposed a month ago." Chase says grimly. I look at him and smile as huge and grand as I can. He _so_ doesn't want to marry this chick. I give him a too bad so sad look. I pity neither of them in fact, I could care less what happens with these jackasses. I give them another congratulations and walk out with arm wrapped tightly around Jacobs.

"That was awkward." Jacob says with a snort.

"No it was sad." I mutter as I think about Chase and Jessica. Such opposites yet so much alike.

"Who would've known that they would get engaged." Jacob says with a head shake as if it truly amazes him.

"Oh come on Chase doesn't want to marry that snake. She's broke and he has money so it was only fitting. I'd marry Chase too if he was the closest guy who has ever showed any form of interest in me since I got laid off by my boss. Who she also single handedly tried to fuck." Jacob laughs at that.

"Just the thought of sleeping with her makes my skin crawl." I laugh at his comment. Jacob continues to state how nasty and overpowering her perfume always was.

"Did you fire Chase?" I ask wondering if he still works at Auto Equipped.

"Oh no. I should've though. He always hated me for some odd reason, it only got worse when you started working at the office." It was probably a simple clash of egos. Chase always complained about how he could do a better job as the head of trades instead of Jacob. I would never admit that to Jacob he would probably swerve the car off of the road and beat up Chase.

"So where are we going now?" I ask.

"Home." Jacob says simply.

"Home? What, why?" I really don't want to go home. Not right now I don't.

"You need to rest. Don't think I forgot about your little headache and chest pains. Were going to the doctors tomorrow to get that checked out." Jacob says seriously.

"Jacob it's not that serious. All I have to do is drink some water and I'm usually fine. Plus I'm sleeping again so I think a trip to the doctor's is a total waste." I say while looking at Jacob seriously. Jacob snorts and I know my little argument when in one ear and out the other with him.

"Ness your going to the doctor's before you end up passing out on the bathroom floor or something. I don't care what you say. Got it?" he asks with nothing but authority in his voice.

He sounds so controlling. It's almost sexy.

"Yeah." I breathe.

Once we get to my house, I notice Charlie's cruiser isn't in the driveway.

"He must be at my house." Jacob says as we walk to the front door. I throw my body onto the couch, I close my eyes as I let my body sink into the cushions of the couch. Jacob walks over and sits on the couch while moving me to the side, I groan as he scoots me over.

"Come on Jake!" I screech. My headache pounds and Jacob stops laughing when he realizes I'm actually in pain.

"I'll go make that doctors appointment." Jacob grumbles.

I nod my head tiredly as he walks into the kitchen I lean my head back and let out a haggard sigh. I close my eyes as my chest throbs in pain. This is just horrible.

"Alright babe, I have an appointment for you at noon." Jacob sits next to me and I groan as I relax into his side.

Were quiet for what feels like ever until I finally feel like I can't take it anymore. I shoot up and run to the bathroom. I clutch the toilet bowl feeling like total crap as I throw up nothing. Since there's nothing in my stomach other than the popcorn and soda from the movie theater I'm let dry heaving.

"Oh gosh." I say as I lean back. My system is all fucked up.

Jacob rushes inside and wipes my hair off my forehead that is now sticking because I'm so damn hot. I lean against until the point where is heat is a little bit too much, I groan as I push off of him and begin to pee my shirt off. At first Jacob looks shocked but then it turns to understanding once he sees that I'm literally bathing in sweat.

I'm left now only in my tank top and underwear as I lean against the cold bowl.

"This sucks." I mumble.

"I told you, you just need to go to the doctors office and get checked out." I rub my eyes as he drones on and on.

The phone rings and I grab my temples as my head literally feels like little midgets are doing some kind of river dance in my head with the high heels on. Jacob is gone for a long time talking to who ever. I don't understand what's going on seeing as I'm all the way upstairs instead of in the kitchen with him.

Jacob enters the bathroom with a look I can't really put into words. It's a mixture of loathe, sadness, and resentment.

"What's going on Jake?" I ask trying to right myself up.

"Ness just relax and take it easy." Jacob picks me up since I'm so weak. I hold my breath since I don't want to spray my barf breath all over him. Jake lays me down on my bed and sits on the edge next to me.

"What's wrong?" I croak as I play with the loose strands on my comforter.

Jacob sighs and runs a hand through his choppy black hair.

"Bella uh, Bella got into some trouble." Jacob says while nodding his and yet not making eye contact with me.

"What do you mean she got into some trouble?" I ask sitting up straight now.

"Ness…" Jacob trails off.

"Is she dead?" I ask screech.

"No! It's just she's in the hospital, pretty bruised up." I tune Jacob out after that.

I don't need an explanation I know exactly what happened. I know exactly who did this to her: Edward.

"We need to go to the hospital now." I demand.

**A/N: Oh gosh, I'm so sorry this is really crappy. Now I feel bad for not only updating late but I put out a dump of a chapter. Anyway I've kind of been thinking of getting beta. Honestly I think it would improve my writing, I'm sure everyone else agrees so if you know any Beta's please PM I not might get back right away but I'll check trust me. So review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thanks for reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 22: Bella's tall tale

I rushed through the emergency room with Jacob on my tail as I searched the rooms hoping I would find Bella. Finally I found her just as some nurse grabbed my arm trying to tell me I couldn't come in. When I fully entered the room I saw Bella with a black eye, her jaw was bruised badly, her nose was wrapped in gauze. On top of that she had her wrist wrapped in gauze as well.

"Whoa." I say taking in her battered body. I didn't mean it in a bad way I just meant it in a 'this is definitely a head rush moment'.

Bella was cradling her stomach, she looked so empty there was this glassy look to her. It was as if Bella wasn't really present more like she was pretending to care about what was happening around her.

I shrug the nurse off of me giving her a look of death. Bella may have sold me out but I still love her dearly. _She is my big sister._

"Bella?" I whisper quietly as I sit in the chair next to her hospital bed. She looks so fragile and small.

Bella gives me a weak smile as if she's slowly trying to pull it all together, "Hey, You look like you just threw up." Bella comments as if this is a _total _casual conversation like we are in a _total_ casual place like Starbucks.

"Bella, what happened?" I ask. If she was smart she would tell me so I can kick Edward's ass with a valid reason.

"Nothing." Bella says. As usual she is acting as if this is no biggie.

"Bella was it Edward, don't lie to me." I say with conviction.

"No it wasn't Ness." Bella says as if that is blasphemy.

"Damn it Bella!" I yell causing Bella to flinch, I ignore her and begin my argument, "Bella I can't fucking help you if you won't let me. Clearly Edward treats you like you're his fucking lap dog. He abuses you physically and emotionally Bella admit it. If not for me admit it for yourself." I whisper the part desperately.

I really want her to just say it. Say that Edward is a heartless jackass.

"Why would I admit that? It's a lie Renesmee, I don't know what you are talking about." Bella has this look of pure innocence that I can't help but question if Edward didn't do this to her. Am I just overly paranoid, is it because I'm so fucking crazy in the head that I assume everyone is out to get me and the ones I love.

"Bella please just tell me what happened?" I ask tired. If she doesn't want to tell me then there is nothing I can do for her.

Bella looks at me for a long moment and I see such sadness that I don't think I'll ever be able to help her fix that. A few tears roll down her now bluish purple cheek. Bella doesn't bother wiping it away as she begins to sob long and hard. I look over my shoulder for a second to see Charlie and Jacob looking at us just as sad as Bella looks.

I look down hoping they could give us some privacy.

I hear the door softly shut and I return back to Bella who is now crying at full force holding her stomach in a way that pregnant women do affectionately usually. I know because when Mary was pregnant she did it all the time; especially when she was eating.

"Bella it's okay, calm down. Just tell me what happened and we'll try to fix this." I whisper as she continues to tear up. I rub her back as she lets out all her sobs all I get out of what she says is, "He… is… so… cruel…" the rest is just a garbled up mess. I make sure she is okay and quiet before I ask her to restate all of that.

"Edward is so cruel." she says finally. I nod, "Why is he cruel, other than for the obvious reasons?" I ask.

Bella looks off and that glassy far away look reappears.

"We were really okay, everything was perfect. Being married to Edward was all I ever imagined, then it got ripped apart slowly, at the very seams of our marriage it was tearing up. Edward got the job at the law firm in Seattle. I never saw him after that. Whenever he was home it was argument after argument, lies after lies. I believed every single one of those lies. Why? Because I wanted to keep our marriage alive. But it was dead, so _dead_." Bella shakes her head as a few tears slide down her face.

"On our anniversary the year before you came back to Forks Edward had come home really late. He smelled of liquor and sex. I instantly went off, I had never been so angry in my life. Edward and I were going at it for the rest of the night until he finally left, the next morning I woke up to see there was a Rolls Royce outside in the driveway. Edward apologized saying he was sorry, I accepted his apology. He said he would never hurt me the way he did the night before. I knew he was lying and so did he, but being the people pleaser that I am, I gave in." that explains why she was so harsh and cold towards me when I mentioned how fancy the car was.

"That car was a constant reminder that my marriage was over and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. After that being near Edward had felt like walking on eggshells. When I invited you over to the house to stay I knew it was a gamble. I knew Edward was going to be angry with me, I just wanted to see how he would react when he saw you. I was wondering if Edward would care about the fact that I just invited you over, or would he just let it go." Bella looks down ashamed.

"I'm so sorry for dragging you into it. You didn't need to hear any of that, Edward was a jerk and I didn't even try to defend you. I didn't even defend myself. When I kicked you out I was so desperate to just fix it. Fix it all, fix my life, your life, Edward's life but I realized I wasn't fucking superwomen. I couldn't do it all. So I dumped you onto Charlie so you could be his problem and not mine." Bella begins to sob once again but she regains composure but is still crying softly as she tells me about what caused the bruises.

Bella stutters over the first few words but starts over, "Last night was the first time since Thanksgiving that Edward had been back. He had stayed in Seattle so I left without him. Unannounced when I come home from work I catch Edward on the couch with some women, he was fucking her in our house, I think it was his coworker Tanya something. I threw things I was a mad women, Tanya ran out while I spat hateful words at Edward. He tried to be rash with me but I had had enough. I just couldn't take it anymore, I said I was going to Charlie's but Edward assumed I was lying. He thought I meant Jacob. He started throwing my clothes at me calling me the whore, and the cheater." Bella breaks into tears.

"There was pushing and shoving then it escalated into slaps soon it became punches but he was mainly doing all the punching. I had never seen Edward so mad, he was not the man I fell in love with Renesmee. He was not the man I risked my relationship with Jacob for. He was this evil being." she cradles her stomach as another memory comes back to her.

"I had a miscarriage." Bella whispers so quietly that I almost didn't hear her.

"What!" I screech. "Please tell me Edward didn't beat you up so bad that he killed your kid." I say seeing nothing but red.

"No it was a few weeks before, I never told anyone. It was my little secret. For once I had something to myself Ness, I had a little bundle of joy growing inside of me. Then I went to the doctors and it was all gone, there was nothing anymore. Nothing holding me down anymore, I was alone once again." Bella cries long and hard this time. There is no stopping these tears. I pull Bella close to me as I comfort her.

But I really don't think I'm having much of an effect, I've never dealt with something so traumatizing as that.

_Man I thought I had problems._

"Bella where is Edward?" I ask softly.

"After the argument Edward ran off, I don't know where. Probably his penthouse in Seattle where he usually goes. He's such a pussy." She whispers bitter fully.

I grin a little bit, she is passed that being scared of Edward thing. It's time for bitter as hell Bella. _This is new._

"Do you think I should tell Charlie?" Bella asks nervously.

"Hell yeah! Tell him, not only should you tell dad but you should also press motherfucking charges. Shit like that isn't cool Bella. Edward hit you like you were some animal! No wait a minute animals get more respect than he gave you, Bella you have to press charges." I say standing up.

"I'll tell dad. Can you go and get him for me please?" Bella asks weakly. I walk out and fine Charlie talking to Carlisle in the lobby, I guess Jacob ran off to find food or something. Carlisle looks at me sadly as if this situation disappoints him greatly.

"Dad Bella wants to talk you." I say gesturing for him down the hall. Charlie nods eagerly and heads straight to Bella's room without a second glance towards Carlisle. I frown as I look at Carlisle, _its not his fault his son is a asshole Ness._

"Where's Jacob?" I ask not in the mood to talk to anyone else right now. Carlisle tells me that Jacob is exactly where I thought he would be; the cafeteria.

I walk down the hall and spot Jacob talking to some old lunch lady while he drinks some coffee. I look at him strangely as I sit next to him. The lunch lady smiles warmly at me and I give her a small hello in response. The lunch lady walks away with a smile.

"How is she?" Jacob asks referring to Bella. I lean my head against his shoulder and I sigh sadly.

"Rough." is the best word I can use to describe how Bella is.

"I knew Edward was a dick, I knew it!" he whispers harshly.

"I think we all knew that." I mutter. Jacob lets out a humorless laugh I close my eyes as I try to imagine how I could fix this. Or maybe I should just relax and let the police handle it like they should. Me being the stubborn ass that I am, I can't do that. I am going to find a way to make his life hell. Just as much as hell as he made it for Bella.

I sigh as I wonder how my life became so fucked up. This time two years ago my only problem was trying to figure out when I was going to pay my next bill on time. Looking back on it that seems so minuscule to what I'm going through right now.

"How are you feeling?" Jacob asks.

"Uh, sleepy." I say with a snort. Jacob laughs and he turns his head just a inch and he's fully facing me. I smile as I look into his deep dark brown eyes. I melt into him for mere seconds, I catch myself leaning forward to kiss him. Our lips meet and a feeling of warmth rushed through me lighting my whole being on fire.

Jacob's thumb lightly brushes against my cheek as we kiss in the Fork's hospital that smells of sickly people and is usually filled with nothing but sad news. I let myself get lost in the kiss for just a few minutes until I pull back since I'm in major need of oxygen. Jacob smiles and I lean my head against his shoulder. Just for that one moment I was careless, one moment I was truly happy.

The next morning I wake up and stretch my back out awkwardly. I slept in a lumpy old hospital chair next to Bella. I reluctantly told Jacob to go home and get some rest the night before. Bella and I stayed up for hours just talking until the nurse said that Bella needed her rest. My restless sleep had crept back up on me and I caught myself wide awake staring at the ceiling.

Charlie had gone to the station to send a warrant out for Edward's arrest. Charlie did the whole deal with taking pictures of Bella for the divorce case. I was shocked that Bella was so defiant about getting divorced. It was a huge difference from mere hours ago that she was living in total fear. Bella admitted that she needed a fresh start and to get that start she has to divorce Edward.

I was proud of her.

She needs to be by herself for awhile, while I need some pain killers. Gosh I feel like shit, my head is pounding and my chest hurts as usual. I close my eyes and sigh.

Bella is still softly snoring so I walk out of the room slowly and as quietly as possible. Just as I'm leaving I run into some small pint sized female. She has jet black spiky hair and has on one of the most fashionable ensembles I have ever seen in my entire life.

"Is that Isabella Cullen's room?" I ask the spunky girl.

"Who's asking?" I ask suspiciously.

"Alice Cullen I'm Bella's sister in-law who are you?" she asks with an attitude. _Are all of the Cullen's dickwads?_

"I'm her sister Renesmee Swan, and yes that is Bella's room which you are not allowed in." I say eyeing the girl who I actually tower over. She is quite short.

"May I have an explanation as to why I can not enter her room?" Alice asks sound all snobby and rich.

"My sister's husband, your brother, is the reason Bella is in that hospital bed. He beat Bella up like she was a fucking man after she caught him cheating on her with his coworker Tanya in their house!" I say angrily. I will not be out bitched by this midget.

Alice's smart ass smirk instantly drops, "I didn't know. I'm so sorry." Alice is now rambling about how sorry she is.

"Yeah, yeah it's not your fault. But you really shouldn't go inside, Bella's sleeping. She needs her rest, I would come back in a hour or two." I say while pushing past her. These Cullen's are going to make me bash someone's damn head in. I don't want to be violent but I'm way past being polite right now.

I stand outside the entrance of the hospital as I breath in the fresh air. I look up at the sky; overcast as usual. _Great_. I lean against the cold concrete as I wrap my arms tightly around myself. A breeze whips by and I hear a crack of thunder in the far off distance. It sniff the air and it sure does smell like a strong storm is about to come through.

I see Alice walk out of the hospital looking depressed. I scoff at her emotion. She has no right to feel sorry for Bella. I don't care how close Bella and Alice were, hell I don't care if they were close period. Edward was a total moronic prude to her and someone should've noticed.

I fight my urge to want to hit a wall but I shake my head, that would only make my little chest ache terribly worst. The rain begins to pour down in sheets and I rush back into the lobby. I sit down at one of the chairs trying to sooth myself. My head is throbbing and I'm shivering like crazy. A nurse looks at me skeptically but I just smile at her wearily.

"Are you okay miss?" a nurse pleasantly asks me.

"I'm fine." I say with a head shake. _Just the chills Ness. _I think to myself cheerfully hoping if I think it long and hard enough then I'll believe it.

Another serious ping of pain shoots through my head and I clutch my temples while groaning. This time a male nurse walks over to me and asks how I'm feeling. I cave and tell him my head hurts. He pulls me up and takes me to some room. I frown not quite sure what's in store now.

I begin to feel lightheaded and I soon catch myself trying to balance myself as the room begins to spin, "Oh god." I whisper clutching my stomach. The male nurse clutches my arm and wraps his arm around my waist to keep me up. I close my eyes breathing deeply through my nose.

"What's wrong?" the nurse asks.

"Xanax" is my genius reaction.

"Xanax? Miss are you going through withdrawal?" he asks sounding very skeptic.

"Yes." I whisper as he lays me down on the table slowly. I relax instantly as the spinning dies down but now my throat is extremely dry. I try to form some saliva but noting is coming.

I groan as the pain becomes more apparent.

"I'll get a doctor." the nurse says. Once we rushes out of the room I roll over on my side. I feel so uncomfortable and ready to jus climb out of my skin or let the floor swallow me up. Everything in my body feels tightened I'm so tense.

"Renesmee?" I look over my should to see Carlisle looking at me worriedly. Great. Just what I need Dr. Cullen to be my caretaker.

"My body feels like crap." I whisper as another stab of pain goes through my chest.

"Okay I need you to roll over and sit up so I can check you out." Carlisle says carefully. I nod obediently as I struggle to get up. I sit up fully with a huge huff of strength. The room begins to spin once again and I frown knowing this pain will never end.

"Can you fix it?" I ask drowsily.

"Yes, just relax, I'll be right back." Carlisle walks out and comes back with a gurney. My eyes go wide, is it that bad that I need a gurney. I shrug I slowly lay my body down on the gurney as the nurses push me through the hospital. I close my eyes as I drift in and out of consciousness.

Carlisle tells me to just relax and as I relax I catch myself falling asleep.

Its amazing that I have to be in pain to fall asleep.

**A/N: How was it? I thought it deserves at least a B-. Lol, review!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight saga…**

Chapter 23: White Christmas

"It's snowing." I muffled into my pillow in my bedroom. I wouldn't actually call it my bedroom it was more of a rental room if you will. I sat in the middle of my bed staring out the window. It's Christmas time and instead of feeling all holly jolly I feel more like die and cry.

It's been a month since my body breakdown as I like to call it. Carlisle diagnosed my symptoms as withdrawal. I was going through a terrible case of withdrawal so I was put into a rehab center in Tacoma that specializes in prescription pill addiction. Carlisle said it was best if I had a professional helping me cure my prescription addiction instead of doing it on my own.

I stare at the plain beige colored walls it's so dry and uninviting in here. Nothing feels right, I feel like I'm in a very tan prison cell.

At first when Carlisle said I should go to rehab I was quite reluctant. In fact, I remember saying something along the lines of, "I'm not Britney Spears! I don't need rehab!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Carlisle said I couldn't take care of myself so apparently I needed someone to do it for me. I hear a light knock on the door and I look up at the a very tall slender girl who looks like she stepped out off of a runway.

Emma Jones, Emma is seventeen, little rich brat if you asked me but to everyone else she's a 'lost soul' I would always frown in disgust whenever someone mentioned that. Emma is from LA her parents neglected her her whole life so to get their attention she turned to drugs, Valium was her poison. One drunken night ended in a hit and run, she was sentenced here as her punishment.

"What Emma?" I ask standing up straight as I pull my hair into a bun.

"Were waiting for you at group." She says with that ever present attitude.

"Alright." I mumble stuffing my hands into my pockets. Group therapy is torture all you do is sit in a group of six people and listen to them complain about their issues. I can't do that, I have zero patience for it. But I have to attend its apart of the package I got.

I enter the beige room, everything is beige in this building. Supposedly its supposed to be a neutral color and make everyone feel relaxed and comfortable. It has the opposite effect on me, I feel like gagging whenever I enter this room which is fours times a week sadly.

I sit down next to Emma and some guy my age who looks like he is about to cry. I sigh and stuff my hands into my sweater pocket. Our group leader Stan sits down. Stan is a asshole, he is always smiling like listening to drug addicts ramble about their problems is the best job in the world. It doesn't help that he is insanely beautiful. Stan has a nice lean build to him and has sun kissed blonde hair. Tan skin as if he just stepped off of the beach instead of the blistering cold.

"Glad you could join us Renesmee!" Stan says with a wide grin. I grunt a hello and focus on the picture of a sun rising over Stan's shoulder. I sit in the same spot every meeting and I do the same thing, I stare at the picture. I never contribute anything to the discussion ever, frankly I hate it here. It's so claustrophobic, I feel trapped all the damn time. Nothing is personal here, you have to share everything, even your emotions.

"On Wednesday we left off with Shawn saying how its getting easier to not rely on the pills to keep him happy." Stan is trying to sugar coat it but I remember vividly that Shawn said he doesn't take the damn pills to make him and I quote, "Pretend like he likes fucking life," I only remember because I was pulled out of my trance to listen because Stan ordered me to.

"That means today we start off with Emma, Emma how's your day been going?" Stan asks while getting his notebook out. I roll my eyes, that damn notebook is the thing I hate most about Stan. When we share he begins to scribble, I have no clue what he is writing but all I do know is that it agitates the hell out of me.

Emma begins to get into a very lengthy story about how excited and nervous she is to see her family for Christmas break. She's nervous because she hopes her parents don't just send some random house worker to pick her up. She's happy because she gets to go back home to LA and see her friends.

I tune the rest of the story out as I think about my Christmas break. At the Morning Side rehabilitation center we get to leave two days before Christmas break and stay with our family and friends until New Years Eve. I haven't really talked to anyone in my family in the pass two weeks. Well I've more been avoiding them these past week two weeks. I lied to Charlie on the phone saying we were going camping or some shit like that.

He actually believed me even though he knew damn well it was going to be one of the coldest winters we have ever had.

After I realized I was to be in rehab I felt like total shit. I was leaving Bella when she needed me most. Bella had said it was fine. I didn't feel like it was safe for me to just leave her while I was off in some funny rehab center but Bella was the main one telling me I needed to go. So I did it for her, I had talked to her a few weeks back and she was doing pretty good. Her divorce hasn't been finalized just yet, probably in about two months it will be good to go.

I'm more nervous than anything to see Jacob. I was horrible to him my last day in Forks. I was an emotional wreck and in my rage I broke up with him saying I didn't need the stress of him on my shoulders. I feel tears slide down my face as I think of the look of such heartbreak and sadness on his face when I told him he was a burden. I have no clue where I pulled that from but I really needed him gone because his presence was bringing me to tears.

So I broke up with the only guy who has ever cared for me flaws and all.

"Renesmee would you like to speak?" Stan asks quietly. I open my eyes and wipe my tears as I look around to see six set of eyes looking at me.

"Pass." I mumble as I look at my bitten nails.

"Are you sure, you look a little shook up. Sharing it would make you feel better, trust me." Stan smiles and I almost give in but I stop myself. I don't feel comfortable talking to these strangers about Jacob and me.

"I'm fine." I say through clenched teeth.

"Sure?" He asks clearly disappointed in my answer. In fact I can feel everyone else's disappointment.

"Positive." Stan dismiss us and I walk absently to the dining hall. It's dinner time and after that we can chill until light's out. I get in the lunch line and look through the choices, I decide on meat loaf and mashed potatoes. The food is here is pretty good so breakfast, lunch, and dinner time are my only favorite times of the day.

I smile at the lunch lady Sally. She winks at me and hands me another cookie, she's only supposed to give us one but I always get an extra. I'm one of Sally's favorites and she's one of mine. I walk to a small table by the windows I pull my knees up to my chest as I look out the window. Everything is peaceful until I hear someone sit down across from me. I look up to see its Shawn staring at me.

"What are you doing?" I say with too much venom in my voice.

"Eating." he says like a jackass. "I'm aware of that; can you eat like somewhere else?" I ask politely.

"I like you so I'm not moving." he says being quite forward. I wince at the word like. I don't need boy drama right now.

"I'm a lesbian so your out of luck." I grumble while standing up to walk to another seat far away from a pestering Shawn.

"Wait, was I too forward?" Shawn asks confused.

"Uh yeah." I say in a duh like tone.

"I'm sorry, can you just stay, please?" he asks desperately now. I roll my eyes and slam my tray back down on the table as I sit across from him annoyed now. I angrily open my water bottle as Shawn smiles to his self looking satisfied.

"What is it Shawn?" I ask after a prolonged silence.

"I was just wondering why you don't talk." He says with his mouth full of bread and coffee. Why he is drinking coffee at six at night is way beyond me.

"I don't like people." I say forwardly.

"I'm sure that's not it, you like people. Your probably one of those broody chicks. I like that." he says with a cheesy smile. I catch myself snorting a little bit.

"Shawn your eighteen I'm not going to date you. So why don't you go sit with Emma." I suggest pointing to Emma who is in a very important text conversation with her friend apparently.

"Nah Emma's stuck up. I like older women anyway, it's a turn on." Shawn winks and this time I actually laugh.

"Alright I made you laugh. I've never seen you laugh, you should do it more; you look pretty." I don't bother blushing I frown because it sounds like a total Jacob comment.

"Your flirting with an older women, that's gross." I mumble as I sip my water.

"I like cougars." I gag at that comment.

"Oh no." I say shaking my head at the thought of me a twenty three year old being considered as a _cougar._

"What you doing for Christmas, we leave tomorrow." Shawn says eyeing me skeptically.

"I don't know… I'm going home. I think." I say with a shrug. Shawn scoffs, "You think? Have you talked anyone of your family since you've got here?" he asks with astonishment in his voice.

"Yes I have talked to someone it's just not recently. I'll call my dad later, what about you?" I ask with the same skeptics that he used for me.

"I'm going back to Oregon to visit my dad and his replacement family. He has a new wife and kid. I don't even know why he invited me, I'm such a wreck to him. Probably did it to rub in how much of a fuck up his marriage with my mom was." he grumbles.

"Where's your mom at?" hoping he could just hang out with his mom.

"Vegas with her pit boss boyfriend. Two weeks and she already wants to be his Mrs. My parents are full of shit." he says with a cynical laugh.

I sigh, "Well your eighteen you don't have to show up in Oregon. You can like… go out to Seattle see the sights or something."

"True but I'd rather just spend a few gruesome days with my old man." he shrugs it off as if it's nothing. The rest of dinner we talk about trivial stuff as I try to keep my mind from floating to how I'm going to spend my holidays. I want to go home so bad yet I don't. I don't want to go for the exact reasons that I do want to go, Jacob.

After I throw my tray away I walk outside to my room which is in a separate building. I wrap my arms around me as the other girls run to the other building trying their hardest to defeat the cold. I soak in the cold embracing it since it's the first time I've truly felt the cold all week. I've been nothing but a numb mess this month.

Sitting in my bedroom has given me a lot of time to think about how screwed up my life is. I am a druggie, my sister comes from a broken marriage, my mother is some two faced whore who just left us only for me to never ever see her again. Love life is a total waste, my only friendships I have managed to screw over wonderfully, and I am broke.

I'm so far from happy it's not even funny. I reach my bedroom after entering the C building and I find my room which is C23. I hear Emma giggle on the phone that seems to be permanently attached to her fucking face all the time. Emma's room is next to mine which is still too close for me. I lay down on my bed and decide to call Bella.

I need to know if I should bother packing my clothes.

"Hello?" a timid voice asks on the other line.

"Is Bella there?" I ask not sure who this is.

"Bella, phone!" the voice yells quite loud throughout the house.

I wait until Bella comes to the phone, "Hello?" Bella asks sounding breathless.

"Hey Bella it's me Renesmee." I say getting comfortable on my recliner.

"Ness! I'm so glad you called!" Bella shouts into the phone. I smile at her happiness, the last few times I've talked to Bella she's seemed happier, free even. I guess her marriage to Edward had a pretty heavy load on her shoulders.

"I just wanted to know if someone was picking me up for Christmas?" I ask running a finger through my newly short hair. I cut my hair the second week I was here, I needed a change and I was tired of my hair.

"Yeah Charlie and I are picking you up tomorrow afternoon."

"Great, so how have you been and who answered the phone earlier?" I ask as that question begins to bother me.

"My assistant picked up the phone. I've been pretty tired lately but I'm just so glad you called. I really wanted to see how you've been." Bella says with a laugh.

"You could've just called." I say not sure why she didn't.

"Oh well I thought there was a specific reason you hadn't called. I didn't want to interrupt anything, you know?" she asks nervously.

"Yeah I get you. How's dad been." the last time I saw Charlie he looked way to tired for a fifty year old. I'm sure the stress of Bella and I had worn him out. At that moment I had never felt so much pain for my father.

"He's doing pretty well, Sue Clearwater has been over a lot lately. I think those two are up to something." Bella says sneakily.

"I kind of got that too. So how has Jacob been?" I ask more eagerly.

"Uh fine, we talk every now and then. He misses you a lot Ness. Ever since you left he's just seemed down." Bella says more quietly. Her bubbly energy from talking to me has deflated and she sounds as sad as she did in the hospital. I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my face.

"You know what it's lights out so I'll catch up more with you tomorrow." I don't wait for Bella's response I just hang up.

I shouldn't have asked about Jacob. I feel so cruddy and I'm tired. Now I want more than anything to just call him and beg and plead for his forgiveness. Like he could actually take me back for being such a bitch to him. I was so evil and such a _burden_ on him. He didn't need my baggage but he took me with my baggage and vowed to cure me. What did I do in return? I broke up with him saying hateful things like he was a "Burden" or a "Unnecessary pain." why do I treat the ones I love the most like shit?

Soon lights out is announced over the intercom and I sigh and turn off my light on my nightstand. I stare at the beige ceiling debating if it was such a good idea to call Bella and ask about Jacob. Right now all I want to do is crawl into a ball and hide in a corner.

The next morning I wake up and go to the shower quarters. After my shower I put on some jeans and a t-shirt, I begin to pack, once I'm done I head to breakfast. I don't see Shawn and someone tells me his dad picked him up before we were ordered to get up. I feel alone at that thought, I hope his holiday is more relaxed than mine.

The rest of the day is spent with me on the edge. I'm nervous and apprehensive. I hope I don't like barf in the car on the way home or anything. I get a call from Bella saying there pulling up right now so I grab my suitcase and I walk up front.

Bella is standing in the lobby next to Charlie as they look at some pamphlet about the center.

"Hey guys," I say casually.

Bella grins and hugs me tightly as if I just got back from war. After Bella's hug Charlie squeezes me just as tight muttering almost reluctantly how much he's missed me.

"I'm sure you didn't miss my crazy behind that much." I say with a wave.

"Trust me we did." Charlie says with a laugh.

Charlie carries my bag to the car while Bella jabbers about how she's been doing. I listen intently hoping she is speaking the truth. From the look of it she's truly progressing perfectly fine. Charlie talks about how everyone in the town is and he mentions Jacob a little bit saying he found a house in La push and lives alone.

"Great." was my genius response.

Once we arrive home I see a snowman in the grass that some kids must've built.

"It's snow everywhere." I mumble as I walk outside.

"We finally got a white Christmas." Bella says with a chuckle. I smile ruefully at that.

"White Christmas." I say with a head shake. When we enter the house I see Sue cooking in the kitchen. Sue smiles warmly at me and hugs me just as tightly as Bella and Charlie did._ Was I missed that much? _

"I'm so glad you're here. Oh I love your hair." Sue says running her tan fingers through my hair cut. I touch as if I didn't even remember cutting it.

"It was something new." I say with a shrug.

After I talk with Sue for a few more minutes I walk up to my room which looks more empty this time. I dumped everything out of my room since I refused to come home to it being full of memories and shit like that. I sit on my bed and let out a tired sigh the only thought on my mind is Jacob and a white Christmas.

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update so soon. I have had a ton of homework so I haven't gotten time to really write something down. But I hope this chapter was pretty alright. So review!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 24: Any Ideas

The day went by meaninglessly and so did the day after that until Christmas eve arrived and I realized that we were supposed to meet at Billy's for dinner. I was nervous as I rode in the back seat down the winding roads of La push. Slowly but way too fast for my liking the small red barn house appeared. Charlie told me it wouldn't be as many people over as it was on Thanksgiving. Rachel was spending time with time with Paul's cousins in Montana or something. Leah and Sue had boyfriend or girlfriends that they were with this Christmas as well. It was only to be Sue, Billy, Charlie, Bella, Jacob and me.

As the little red house on the left comes into view I sink lower and lower into my seat. When we pull up to the house I notice Jacob's pick up truck. Bella is sitting next to me since Sue came with us, Bella looks at me quizzically but I just shake my head. _I so don't want to be here. _After everyone exit's the car and I'm still occupying the back seat I decide to just wait. Bella looked at me suspiciously but I busied myself pretending to look for a nonexistent contact on the floor.

_I'm wearing my eye glasses_. I shake my head as I watch the snow lightly fall on the ground. The car slowly begins to freeze so I take that as a sign that I need to get inside. When I get out I stretch my legs as I see my reflection in the window. My hair is pulled into a tight ponytail, I have on black skinny jeans and a long sleeve burgundy sweater. _Not my best choice for Christmas._

I slowly walked up the railing that led into the house. Just as I was about enter the house I slipped on some damn ice. I fell flat on my ass, I felt so sorry for myself that I just sat there for a minute wondering if this was an omen. I pulled myself up as I decided to try walking into the house one more time. There was snow all over my ass and it was slowly melting and turning into water.

When I opened to the door I was not ready to see a girl, a very pretty girl standing next to Jacob. My eyes went as wide as saucers. Bella appeared at my side out of nowhere with a smile plastered on her face. Knowing Bella on the inside she was screaming. I hastily try to wipe the ice off of my ass as I tried to piece together what the hell was happening.

My world was crumbling, well it had already been stomped on and burned to the core but the Jacob part of it has been fried to a crisp. I pull a tight thin smile on my face and walk over to where the small crowd has formed to say hello to whoever the fuck the stunning Native American girl on Jacob's arm is.

"Renesmee!" Billy says loudly causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.

"Hey Billy," I say lowly. Jacob looks at me so I zero in on Billy refusing to make contact with him.

"How have you been?" Billy asks with a broad grin that looks too much like Jacob's.

"I've been pretty alright." I say with a sigh as I stuff my hands into my back pockets.

"Great." Billy looks too fucking happy. _Does he get a kick out of my sadness?_

I ignore Jacob all together so I gravitate to Bella who is training her eyes on some Christmas special. Sadly the girl who Jacob is a little to acquainted with for my liking follows us. Bella looks up as if she just realized the girl was in the house. I lean back against the couch as if I come here everyday.

"I'm Allison." Allison what a horrible name. I smile a little vindictively at that but I decide I look a little crazy smirking to myself so I return back to my bore out of my mind state.

"Allison, I'm Bella and this is my younger sister Renesmee." Bella nudges me to follow suit in shaking Allison's hand like she previously just did. I get a good look at her and my heart breaks all over again.

She's flawless, perfect bone straight yet long and fluffy charcoal black hair, wonderful bone structure, killer body.

"Hi." I say with fake politeness. You would have to know me to catch how rude I'm being to her. Unlike Bella I can lie with flying colors, whether or not that is a bad thing I have no clue.

"Jacob told me a lot about you two." Allison states almost cryptically.

Bella's eyebrows raise to her hairline while I bite back a very rude comment about her. I cover it up with mock shock, "Oh really?" I say looking over the couch at Jacob who is pretending and failing to act as if he can't hear our conversation in the kitchen. I shoot him daggers and he looks down shamefully.

_Bastard._

"Yeah, but it was nothing but great things of course." Allison says as if realizing she put her perfectly manicured foot in her mouth.

"Sure." I say annoyed now.

"Allison, how did you and Jacob meet? What's the connection?" Bella asks covering up for me bitchiness as usual. I have one eye trained on Allison and I have another trained on the Christmas special.

"Oh well I have known Jacob since college as a matter of fact. We knew each other from business classes, I grew up on the Makah reservation so I had seen him from my trips down here when I was younger. When my car broke down on the way home a couple of weeks ago I called the nearest auto shop and he just so happened to be there. We hung out on and off and Jacob offered for me to come over for Christmas dinner." Allison wraps up her shitty story with a grand smile.

It takes everything in my being not to jump across the room and strangle her. The perfection is just too damn much.

"Are you dating?" I ask with a frown.

"Excuse me?" Allison says as if she didn't hear me. _I know you heard me were only two feet away from each other!_

"Are you dating, as in sex, as in kissing?" I repeat except louder. Bella is now panicking, her eyes are as wide as softballs and she has a grin on her face so wide she looks as if she's going to break her face.

I ignore the clear signals that she wants me to kill the conversation.

"Well?" I ask angrily. I want my question answered, _now._

"I wouldn't say that…" she trails off hesitantly.

"So your fuck buddies?" I ask, I hear Jacob cough up his drink from the kitchen. I roll my eyes at a now very pale Allison and I storm out of the house. I grab my jacket and head to first beach.

My patience wears out as I fast walk into the cold. The cold bites at my exposed skin as the snow continues to fall. I feel tears slide down my face and I wipe them off quickly as I come to the very sad conclusion that in this world I can not win. When one good thing happens to me another shitty one erupts. I sit on the cold sand and look at the idle waves.

A month, a motherfucking month! I was gone for a month and what does he do he finds the nearest piece of pussy he can get. I hate him!

_You don't hate him Ness_. My conscious is right, I could never be mad at him. Maybe loathe him with a deep sick passion but never hate. I let out a choked sob as I realize how much of a mess this Christmas has turned into. I don't know why I'm so shocked that Jacob moved on. He's a great guy who deserves happiness more than anyone in this world I know. He found that happiness in a overly peppy cheerleading whore then so be it. As long as he's happy.

I was the one who broke up with him. But still I thought… I thought he would never go there.

I rub a shivering hand down my face as I sigh. I close my eyes for a second only for me to open a few seconds later to see Jacob standing in front of me. I let out a yelp of shock but calm down after I realize he isn't just some crazy stalker killer.

"You broke up with me." he states angrily.

I frown not knowing what he means, "What?" I ask scrunching my face up in confusion.

"You broke up with me. You have no right to be shocked, sad, or scared." Jacob begins to pace the beach as I grasp what he saying. I frown at him as I try to come up with a witty comment to back that up. I can't come up with anything so I just say, "I know."

"Then why were you so harsh to Allison? You don't know that we could be engaged or hell she could be pregnant with my child." at the mention of pregnancy or marriage my heart drops only to come back to life and race at a exceptional speed.

"Are you guys engaged?" I ask weakly. Jacob pauses to look at me pained, "No and she is not pregnant." I let out a sigh of relief.

"Great."

"Your right. I broke up with you, there is absolutely no reason for me to be sad or even angered. Go and do as you please with Allison. You deserve that much from me, I totally trashed your life so I think I can give you this little sliver of happiness. I owe it to you." I say with a light smile as I stand up to face him fully.

"That's it." Jacob says surprised.

"Uh, yeah." I say not sure what he means.

"Since when are you so philosophical?" Jacob asks with a chuckle. I shrug still a little confused on the 'That's it' thing. I eye him skeptically as we walk back to the house. Something's not right, he's hiding something from me. Before we enter the house I question it and all his reply is, is that he's just tired from work.

"Dinner will be ready soon!" Sue says cheerfully as we enter the house. I nod deep in thought still wondering what Jacob's deal is. _Nothing Ness, maybe he actually is tired_. I think. No he's not, I know Jacob, something is up.

In the living room Bella has engrossed herself in a conversation with Allison about the economy. Jacob sits next to Allison and her whole face lights up as she snuggles close to him, my stomach churns but I cover it up with a smile.

"You okay?" Bella whispers in my ear.

"No." I say honestly. I really don't want to be the bigger person and watch Jacob snuggle up with Allison but like I said earlier, he deserves it. Bella rubs my arm soothingly and I lean into her for moral support. Bella's way over Jacob, but I'm not, my heartbreak is to fresh and raw.

Sue announces dinner is ready as we enter the dining room. I sit next to Bella who is eyeing the food seeing if Sue made macaroni and cheese. Dinner is a blur for me, the only thing I really pay attention to is Jacob's voice. It's quite pathetic but whenever Jacob speaks I make myself pay attention.

Once dinner is over we go into the living room and give gifts. I look down shamefully as I realize I didn't get anyone squat.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't get anyone anything." I mutter as I come to the conclusion that I have had to make at least the top 40 list of worst people in the world.

"It's fine honey." Sue says with a pleasant smile. Bella backs her up, "Yeah you never get us gifts, so I don't care." I frown miserably at Bella's sad attempt at a joke.

"You being here is enough." Charlie whispers in my ear lowly. I smile at that comment. Charlie beams as he notices the uplift in my mood. I squeeze his hand as Jacob hands me a gift. I frown at it, I really don't want to accept this. I'm such a cruddy person I don't think I can take any of these gifts.

"I'm not taking it back so take it." Jacob says as if reading my mind. I sheepishly smile as I open it up. As I peel off the Santa Claus wrapper, I can't help snort a little bit, "You didn't wrap this did you?" I ask. Jacob wraps gifts like a two year old.

"Of course not, I got the store to do it." Jacob says with a laugh. I shake my head as I continue unwrap it. I grin at him as I notice it's a watch. The watch is simple and definitely plain but to me it means the world.

"A new watch." I say with a watery smile. I'm not going to cry in front of everyone.

"Yeah, I knew you were in need of a new one. That one from your grandmother was looking a little ratty." Jacob waves it off but I know he knows this is just as much of a big thing to him as it is to me.

"Thank you." I whisper. I don't think any other gift can compete with that but I smile hugely as I open each gift. Just when were leaving to drop Sue off at her house Jacob comes up to me. I turn around admiring my leather tan watch.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Um when do you have to leave?" Jacob asks nervously.

"The day before New Year's eve. Why?" I ask suspiciously. As I say that I can see the little wheels in Jacob's head turning.

Jacob smiles at me wickedly, "Nothing." I shake my head knowing he won't tell me so I just sigh and give him a hug goodnight. We hold on a little too long so I pull back when Allison calls Jacob's name. I walk out and once I get in the car we pull off.

The next few days are mindless and relaxing. I don't dwell on Jacob period which causes me to be more stress free. The day before I leave is almost hectic, Bella took me on a shopping trip, which is odd because Bella hates shopping period.

"I just don't want my little sister to go back home with her regular gear." she says as we walk through out the store. I only get a few pairs of jeans and a couple of t-shirts.

"So did you know about Allison?" I ask as we drive down the 401 where I got stuck nearly two months ago on.

"No, I honestly didn't Ness. If I did I would've done everything in my power to keep her away from Christmas. You just don't ruin Christmas." Bella mumbles. I laugh at that and she joins me. Bella quiets down and eyes me for a moment.

"Were you okay?" Bella asks.

"I'm fine, Jacob deserves happiness. He doesn't need a train wreck of a girlfriend like me." I say with a wave. Deep, deep, down my heart is throbbing. I really don't like Allison, I don't know whether it's the fact that she's so fucking hot or the fact that she is dating Jacob. Whatever it is it's getting in the way of me trying to be a better person and take the high road.

After that Bella is quiet the rest of the ride. The moment we enter the house the phone rings, "Yellow." I say with a laugh as Bella throws a pillow at me. She hates it when I answer the phone saying cheesy stuff like that.

"Hey Ness," I'm shocked when I realize it's Jacob. For some odd reason I thought Christmas was going to be the last time I ever saw him again.

"Oh hey Jake." I say casually while walking into the living room. I turn on the TV searching for something to watch.

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight." Jacob says.

"I wouldn't mind, the question is, would Allison mind?" I spit out Allison's name as if it a poisonous substance.

"Allison wouldn't mind, don't worry, I'll pick you up at eight."

"Okay Jake." I say skeptically. I may be a total idiot but home wrecker I am not. I don't know how I feel about hanging out with Jacob while he's in a relationship with Allison.

We hang up and I stare at the TV blindly.

"What's up with you?" Bella asks as she slumps next to me.

"Jacob and I are hanging out tonight." I say dryly.

"Well what does that mean?" Bella asks confused.

"I have no clue."

**A/N: Okay I know everyone is annoyed with Allison but have no fear I am going to fix that soon! Very soon, so just review!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Oh lord I haven't updated in what feels like forever! I'm sorry, you can totally blame school and my laziness on it all! In this chapter I'm going to clear everything up! **

**Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga…**

Chapter 25: Clean Slate

Two hours later after Jacob called me saying that he wanted to hang out tonight my happiness was shot down. Apparently Allison needed him for something so he had to cancel. He tried to rearrange the plans but I told him it was okay, I would come back home soon. Jacob and I both knew that was a lie after this horrific trip back home I don't think I'm ever leaving the rehab.

After I packed up all of my clothes Bella continued pestering me.

"Bella!" I shout as she asks for the billionth time today if I'm okay, "I'm fine, just leave me the fuck alone!" I whisper harshly as I slam the trunk close. Charlie walks out of the house with his keys in his hands totally oblivious to Bella and mines dispute. Bella just frowns and eyes me critically.

I get in the car and cross my arms over my chest defensively. We all know damn well that I am a total wreck. Why I am a wreck is way past me. I shouldn't feel like shit because Jacob had to tend to his actual girlfriend and not some crazy pill addict who does nothing but fuck up his life.

As we pull out of the driveway it begins to rain and I frown and close my eyes as I try to just sleep. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. All I ever do is stress _and_ stress. If I'm not worried about group therapy then I'm contemplating how I could've stopped myself from getting raped that night back in Arizona. If I'm not worried about that I'm wondering what Mary is doing with the twins. So much runs through my mind at night that all I can possibly crave is a Xanax but that wouldn't be fair. Gosh I still want it though.

I feel a tear slip down my face as I think that I'm not getting better with my pill prescription addiction. I crave them just as bad as I did earlier this year.

Three hours later were pulling up at Morningside rehabilitation center. I give my goodbyes to Bella and Charlie promising I'll call soon. I sign myself in with a co sign signature from Charlie before he leaves. I pull out my key as I place my suitcase full of dirty laundry and new clothes from my shopping trip with Bella earlier this week on the floor next to me.

When I enter my room I lug my shit inside and I slam the door shut with a kick of my foot. Inside my room is a letter under the door from Stan saying we will still have group tomorrow on New Years Eve; only for an hour though. I sigh as I think of being forced to listen to Emma as she complains about her daddy issues.

I close the curtains and sit on my bed hoping I'll just fall asleep for the rest of the day. Just as sleep is fully overcoming me I hear a loud knock on the door. I open it up to see Shawn grinning at me.

"What Shawn?" I ask in a dead tone. His smile fades as he senses my tired mood.

"I just wanted to say I went to visit my dad in Oregon, you know?" he asks getting ready for a story as he sits down on my bed. I nod numbly as I close my door and lean against it.

"Well I met this girl, Kyla, she's amazing Renesmee. Anyway we met at this coffee shop and hit it off. I'm calling her later tonight. I only talked to her for like three hours Ness and I feel like I've known her my whole damn life." Shawn sighs blissfully and I have to swallow the huge lump that has formed in my throat.

"Good for you." I choke out. I wipe tears hastily away from my cheeks as they spill over.

Shawn looks at me quizzically and walks over to comfort me, "Aw babe, are you scared that I'm not going to have time for you if we hook up?" Shawn asks wiping a few tears for me. I swat his hand away and move to a corner in the room.

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm happy for you really, it's just Christmas was a total flop at the Swan's house." I mutter. I stare at the beige wall and frown as a I realize I might just grow old in this place.

"You want to talk about it?" Shawn asks weakly. I can tell he doesn't really know how to comfort people let alone a hormonal woman. I shake my head and tell him he can just go.

The next day isn't any better for me. I'm passed feeling sorry for myself and now I'm just angry. I know I said I was going to take the high road and be happy for Jacob but it's really hard to be happy for someone when your utterly in love with them and hate their girlfriends guts. At group I refuse to speak but a simple look from Stan makes the flood gates poor open.

"Um at Christmas I ran into my ex. He had this beautiful girlfriend over. She was stunning, happy, peppy and shit. Polar opposite of me obviously, I was at first angry even a little disgusted but then I realized, _Hello Ness you broke up with him._ He can do whatever the hell he wants, you put him through hell. Don't be mad at him for finding someone healthier for him. I'm trying to take the high but - god it hurts." I mumble while wrapping my arms tightly around myself.

Stan eyes me with a mixture of happiness and compassion in his eyes as he scribbles something down in his journal. I'm sure he's over the moon that I'm sharing.

"How long have you known this guy?" Emma ask.

"Since I can even remember. He was never fully mine you know, I just recently got him and then I blew it with my addiction. I was just an awful person to him. But then again he was shitty to me in the beginning too. Either way I miss him." I say with a head shake.

"You think you could ever get him back." some guy who is sitting across from me asks earnestly as if he wants to hear a happy ending to this story.

"Maybe… no… yes…. I don't know. Honestly if he asked for me back, I think I would say no. He doesn't need a mess like me in his life. Everything good in my life will go perfectly wonderful for awhile and then someone or me will fuck it up royally. I don't want to mess his life up again." I smile tiredly as I wipe a tear away.

"I don't think you're a fuck up Renesmee. Maybe just a little bit crazy but not a fuck up." Shawn says gleefully. I smirk at him, "Shut up." I say with a head shake.

"No Shawn has something there. Your not a fuck up. You programmed yourself to think that a very long time ago in the past and now it's your mind set when you start something new, like a relationship for example." Stan says with a thoughtful nod.

I ponder and I agree with him. I do set myself up constantly telling myself how horrible this is going to end. I just need a positive outlook on life.

"I need to stop thinking so lowly of myself." I say with a smile. Stan claps loudly as if I just answered a hard equation correctly.

"Correct." Everyone smiles at me and I can't help but blush as I think that I just had a total 'Breakthrough'.

The next few months fly by in a breeze in April I'm outside walking to the cafeteria with Emma who is in a text conversation with some guy as she talks to me about how she is so glad that she is leaving the facility tomorrow. I tell her how happy I am for her as I look at the garden and admire the roses. I check the time on my watch that Jacob bought for me last Christmas.

I smile lightly to myself as I think of how far I've come in these five months. After my 'Breakthrough' at group with Stan I have tried my hardest not to feel so insecure about myself. At first it was a struggle but it gradually got easier. Now I can say that I am happy with who I am.

You can love Renesmee Carlie Swan for who she is, take it or leave it. You have to accept me as the fuck up I am.

"Your leaving in a few weeks right?" Emma asks as we sit down at a lunch table.

"Yeah." April 13th to be exact. I leave and go home into the real world. I plan on staying around the Tacoma area for awhile since I've grown pretty accustomed to this place. I've been working on a _real_ Bachelors degree in Art at the college courses at the school in the rehab. I got an application filled out to work at some art gallery a few minutes down the road from here.

I have also been apartment hunting with Bella. I found an apartment so all I need to do is get a lease together.

Life is looking up for me, at least I hope it is.

"Oh come on you know your excited don't try to play like you aren't." Emma says while lightly punching me on the shoulder.

"Your right, I'm happy as hell to leave here!" I joke. Deep down I know I'm going to miss this place quite a lot. It's the first place in a long time that I've felt like I truly belong.

_Yeah I belong in a rehab with drug addicts_, I think sarcastically to myself.

"So who's picking you up?" I ask as I chew on a salad leaf. I'm trying to eat healthier for the past couple of weeks. I came to the conclusion that since I couldn't have the pills that I would replace those with food. I was binging constantly so I decided to go on a diet.

My results are that I haven't felt more healthy in my entire life. And from Emma's opinions I look hot too.

"My mom is. I wish my dad would come but I know in reality he doesn't give a shit." Emma grumbles bitterly. Emma had a 'Breakthrough' too she realized she doesn't need to impress her dad and vie for his attention if he won't willingly give it to her.

"True. You know Shawn called me. He's at school with Kyla his girlfriend." I say with an eyebrow lift.

Emma laughs at that. Shawn left a month ago causing Emma and I to bond more. She's not that bad of a person I thought once I held a decent conversation with her. Shawn moved to Oregon with his dad now he lives in the dorms at Oregon University and is happily dating his girlfriend Kyla. From what Shawn tells me they're quite serious about each other.

"Oh aren't they quite the pair." Emma says in reference to Shawn and Kyla. I nod in agreement.

Two weeks later I am settling everything down in my apartment with help from Mary and the twins. Bella walks through with boxes behind Charlie they all place them down my couch in my tiny living room.

"Well it's nicer than the one back in LA." Mary grumbles as she looks around the corners of my apartment.

"We will never talk about that apartment." I say with a snort.

"Oh come on admit it that place was disgusting." Mary says with a laugh as she sits down on the couch and the twins crawl up with her as she sips on a soda.

"I didn't deny it." I say as I carry a box into my bedroom. Bella follows me she has a huge smile plastered on her face.

"This is awesome I hope you know that." she says as she looks around.

"It's really not Bella." I say with a laugh as I sit down on my mattress.

"It truly is Ness. Your starting over, clean slate, take this as you being reborn. Everything in the past is totally irrelevant." Bella says like a self help speaker.

"Did you get that from one of those inspirational books you read?" I ask with a laugh.

"Yes, yes I did. And it helped me get over Edward and it is going to help you move on!" I smile at that. Edward is in jail down in Seattle serving his sentence for hitting Bella. Bella got everything in the marriage with her badass lawyer who was her best friend Angela from high school.

Bella was ecstatic to be rid of anything to do with Edward. I'm just as happy, I wish she would've realized Edward was a total tool a littler earlier in life but she realized it eventually so that's enough for me.

"I agree Bella. I agree." I say while leaning against the mattress and smiling to myself as I hear Mary and Charlie bicker over how to set up the cable.

_Clean slate._

"This was a horrible idea." I growl as we pull up to the Black's house.

"No, this was an amazing idea. Plus you have to see Rachel's new baby boy, you are it's second godmother after one Rachel's friends." Bella says with a grand smile as we get out of the car.

Rachel had her little boy Joey last month, I didn't rush down to La push as soon as I heard the good news. I was too busy paying bills and getting settled into my job at the art gallery plus I still need to finish up my degree. It's been a little bit difficult to figure everything out but I'm making it.

I need good stuff like wondering what curtains to buy for my living to distract me from harmful thoughts.

"Oh come on you know you only feel this way because Jacob is going to be here." Bella says as she pulls off her sunglasses. I squint my eyes against the sun as we walk around to the back yard where I can here the music being played. There is absolutely no purpose for having this party but that's La push for you.

_Always a party._

"Whatever." I grumble as I think about the last time I say Jacob on Christmas day. He moved to like Minnesota for work or something in January so I never asked about how he's been nor did I really care. Well that's an utter lie actually, I cared tons but I never bothered to ask since I didn't think I had a right to know.

He moved for work related reasons I guess so he could work at some garage over there. I don't know why really, I never got the details. But he's been back lately since Rachel gave birth. We walk around the corner to see everyone beaming smiles of happiness and pride as music blares from speakers and everyone laugh as people tell jokes in their own little conversations.

I shyly stuff my hands into my jean pockets. Bella smiles at me signaling it's going to be okay as we near the group where Charlie is.

"Bells!" Charlie says as he leans into hug her tightly.

"Ness!" Charlie cheers even more loudly when he sees me. I wrap my arms around him awkwardly and grin as he squeezes me tightly.

"Hey dad, how've you been?" I ask as I back up. "I've been great." he says as Sue walks up and snakes her arm around his waist. Charlie grins like a fool and I smile at his happiness.

"Good." I say as Rachel squeals as she runs up to me.

"Nessie! I'm am so glad you are here!" Rachel is literally yelling as Rebecca walks over with the baby in her arms.

"Of course, how could I not come to my godson's party!" I say as the baby squeals at me. Rachel laughs and asks if I want to hold him. I politely decline but Rachel insists that I hold him. I cringe as she places Joey in my arms he had slobber running down his chin and I wipe it up for him.

I haven't held a baby since Mary's twins were born.

"Shoot! I have to go get his bottle. Be right back." Rachel dashes off leaving me with Joey who is now playing with my hair. Rebecca went off to hang out with her husband so now I am alone. I walk over to an empty table and sit him down on my lap.

Joey looks pretty satisfied with playing with my eye glasses so I hand them to him. Only for Joey to chuck them across the yard. I nearly scream when I see some guy's who huge foot nearly crush my glasses into a tiny little pieces. The guy steps back once he realizes he nearly stepped on my glasses. I squint my eyes as I blindly walk across the yard with the baby in my hands.

"Those are my glasses." I say while squinting through the blur as the guy hands me the glasses. I hear a deep husky familiar laugh come from the man as he hands them to me. When I slide them on and the world becomes clear again I see Jacob grinning at me.

I'm startled causing me to yelp which makes Joey cry out.

I try to calm down Joey but Rachel comes over hurriedly once she sees that Jacob and I are in some conversation. She smiles at us suggestively and I blush and look down awkwardly.

"Oh gosh." I mutter as I look at anything except Jacob.

"How've you been?" Jacob asks.

"Great, awesome! Perfect." I say as I list off adjectives that could describe how nice I'm feeling.

"Really, you just looked pretty flustered with my nephew." Jacob jokes. I shrug it off like it's nothing and sit down at the table.

Jacob sits next to me and I internally cringe. I need to stop acting like a damn baby. But it's just I don't want to be near him. He needs to go run back to his girlfriend, Allison, I think was her name, yeah he needs to go back to her.

"Where's Ashley or whatever her name was." I say with a wave as I play with the leaf of a plant on the table.

"You mean Allison?" Jacob asks. I shrug in agreement. He knew who I meant.

"She's fine I guess. I haven't talked to her since she got married in January." I squint my eyes at him trying to asses if he's joking with me.

"You're lying." I mumble while shaking my head.

"I'm not lying. She got married to some guy who's like a Paralegal or something." Jacob shrugs leaning back into his chair. I narrow my eyes at him as I realize he and Allison never had a relationship. Knowing Jacob he brought Allison over for Christmas just to make me feel bad for breaking up with him.

"You jackass!" I shout as I stand up and realize I am exactly right.

"What?" Jacob asks stunned at my outburst. The music stops and I flush as I look around to see everyone staring at me shocked. I rush out of the backyard and head to first beach. I'm mumbling evil stuff about Jacob under my breath as I pace the beach.

Jacob stops me mid pace by standing dead in my tracks.

"You only brought Allison over for Christmas to make me feel like shit!" I say with a huff.

Jacob smirks and I start hitting his chest with all of my might. Jacob doesn't seemed phased but when sobs erupt from chest he catches my hands and pulls them down to my side. I lean into his chest and cry for god knows how long.

"Why would you do that?" my question is muffled by his shirt as I look up at him. His dark brown eyes bore into mine and I have to look down as my face reddens from the intensity.

"I wanted to make you feel bad for breaking up with me. Ness I was angry with you, okay? I just was so mad, I didn't understand how you could just leave me like that. I really wanted you to feel like crap, I didn't realize how much crap I probably put you through." I look at him giving him the deadliest daggers I could pull out with my eyes being red and puffy.

"Well it worked you nimrod. I've felt terrible these past months for breaking up with you. I hope you know all those things I said to you before I left were quite untrue. Your not a burden, if anyone's a burden it's me - Crap! I'm not supposed to blame myself for stuff like this. I need to stop making everything my fault." I mutter as I back up and straighten myself up.

"This isn't your fault Ness. It's mine I was the one who was being petty." Jacob tries to touch me but I back away from his touch. I don't want him anywhere near me if he is going to be acting like such a damn baby.

"Your so fucking stubborn." I growl as I look up at him.

"I've cried myself to sleep so many times this past year over you Jacob. All because I thought I was the bad person for not wanting you to be happy with some other girl. Then you tell me you were just playing! Gosh that type of stuff is so… See I'm so pissed at you I can't even speak!" I stamp my foot and walk in the opposite direction of Jacob.

"I forgot how much of a bitch you could be." I hiss to myself as I go against the wind which is blowing in my face whipping my hair behind me.

"I'm sorry." I hear Jacob say.

"Your always sorry!" I say angrily as I spin around.

"What do I say then Ness? Huh, nothing's ever good enough for you." Jacob says not looking just as angry as me.

"Damn right nothing's ever good enough for me. Your such a damn prick, all you ever do is mess up and your reply all the time is, 'Oh I'm sorry'," I say impersonating his deep husky voice as best as I can.

"This is why I think's it's best that we should stay out of each other's lives. Whenever I'm near it's always a fucking fight between us!" Jacob shouts in my face.

"We wouldn't have to fight all of the time if you didn't do childish, immature, insignificant, petty shit all the time! I can't help it if you are a total idiot." I say evenly.

"I'm an idiot?" Jacob questions angrily.

"Duh." I say with an eye roll.

"You're the idiot." he grumbles, "Spoken like a true idiot." I shoot back.

"Fuck you." he shouts.

"Don't insult me with a an act of pleasure." I say with a grin. I see a slow very miniscule smile form on Jacob's handsome face. I look down and kick sand as I realize that were not totally and utterly wrong for each other. In fact were totally and utterly perfect for each other as much as I would hate to admit it.

**A/N: I know my time line for this chapter was very foggy but I really wanted it to go this way. I'm sorry if it confused anyone, plus I'm sorry for not updating soon enough once again. Review!**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I have a couple of things to get off of my chest real quick! This is the last chapter of Home. I know it might be just a tad bit of a shock but the story line had kind of run its course for me, so here we are. I'm sorry for not warning you last chapter, I should've but I forgot. Also sorry for not updating as quickly as I should have, laziness got the best of me! Now here is the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga…**

Chapter 26: Home

"So…" I trail off as I watch sand run through my fingers while I'm sitting on the beach next to Jacob. After my little rant with him I have finally cooled down enough to form actual sentences.

Jacob just shrugs awkwardly, _this is bad. _We should not feel this awkward near each other yet I feel as if I'm sitting next to a total stranger. It's like I know him yet I don't. Just as I'm about to comment on the awkwardness I hear someone calling my name. I look up to see it's Bella running like a fool towards me. Bella being her klutzy self trips on the way but shakes it off and slides down next to me totally ignoring Jacob.

"Big news!" she whispers harshly to me.

"What?" I ask question blandly.

"Dad is getting married!" Bella screeches. My eyes widen in mock shock. Should I really be surprised that Charlie is tying the knot with Sue?

"Really?" I say quietly.

"Yes really, apparently dad proposed a couple of weeks ago but they decided to keep it under wraps." Bella says as she eyes me with a sparkle in her eye. I know she is just about to explode with joy. Bella is the one who has been egging on Sue and Charlie's relationship for the past year.

"It's only been a year though…" I leave my sentence hanging in thin air not really sure what to say. I'm not in the mood to really celebrate anything anymore. Jacob ruined my mood completely.

"You're happy right? I mean I thought you like Sue." Bella asks worriedly. I can see the frown lines forming on her beet red face from running over to me earlier.

"Yes I'm fine it's just wow. Dad's getting married." I mumble, I spare a glance at Jacob and I notice he's not there anymore. I sigh and stand up and stretch.

"What's going on, I though you would be happier than this. Did something happen with Jacob. When you guys left you looked pretty angry with each other." Bella says nervously. She really doesn't need to be worried about my social life so I just shrug it off saying we come to an understanding even though we didn't.

"You sure? I'm not afraid to rip off his testicles Renesmee." Bella says furious.

I laugh at that and wipe the sand off my ass. "It's cool. Relax go back and enjoy the party. I need to think for a few seconds." I wave Bella off only for her to ask another gazillion questions of if I am ok. I tell her to scram and she finally leaves. I stand on the beach and watch the waves crash against the rocks, the tide is rising and I walk forward a little closer to the shore and let the sea water soak my sneaker.

I shake my head thinking that my relationship with Jacob is tarnished. I honestly don't think I can really get over what he did. _He lied to me! _Purposefully lied to me about having a girlfriend. Now I can understand he wanted to stab me in the back because I threw everything him and I worked for in the trash when I dumped him before I left for rehab, but what he did was wrong. It's just the fact that I cried so long over him, it was **so** hard for me.

I make my way back to the party and I see an already tipsy Charlie dancing in the middle of the yard with a beer in his hand and a very wistful smile as he attempts to do the electric slide. I can't help but crack a smile at the sight.

_Dancing was never his best activity._

"Charlie's drunk!" Rachel sings to me as she walks over and stands next to me.

"Oh yeah." I say throwing my head back as he pulls out the running man. Bella comes to the dance floor and pulls him away. Sue is whispering in his ear. Probably about how much he's going to regret this later.

"Speaking of your dad, how you feel about the big engagement announcement?" Rachel says with only a smile so wide that she can pull off.

"Oh I'm ecstatic for him. If anyone deserves a happy ending it's my dad. I'm glad he has Sue. Lord knows I haven't been the best daughter, he needs someone to keep him sane throughout my mess." I say with a snort. Rachel has a small smile on her face but I can tell she's analyzing my every move critically.

"Something's up." she whispers as she guides me into the house. Rachel sits me down on the bathroom toilet and leans against the sink. As an afterthought she locks the door too.

"Talk." she demands.

"It's nothing Rach. I'm just tired." I mumble while rubbing my hand up and down my face.

"It's Jake isn't it. Damn it! I knew something was up when I saw you walk off with him. Whenever you two are alone it either ends with both of you grinning like crazy or with you both sulking." I frown as I look at the aging hardwood floor in the bathroom.

_Hate to say it but she's right Ness_. I think bitterly.

"Okay, your little jackass of a brother pretended to have a girlfriend on Christmas last year. He bought her over and everything, the whole time he was pretending to love her I was dying on the inside. I felt like shit for nearly a year turns out he was just joking! Jacob screwed with my emotions just to make me feel bad for breaking up with him." I huff once I'm done with my little tale.

Rachel looks at me in shock as I stand up and scoot Rachel over so I can wash my face. When the cool water hits my face I immediately relax. I look at myself in the mirror gripping the sides tightly as I breathe deeply.

"He's such a dick." Rachel whispers with a headshake.

"I know." I say standing up straight as I lean back against the sink and let Rachel do the sitting this time.

"W- Why would he do that. He should've known that you were in a very fragile state of mind. That could've been detrimental to your health Ness. Gosh! I should kick his ass for that!" Rachel says with each word getting louder and louder. Her russet skin is getting a shade darker as she blushes with anger.

I shrug it off, I'm so blasé about it now. I accepted the fact that Jacob is a total douche.

"You know I'm going to go." I say suddenly.

"Wait didn't Bella drop you off." Rachel asks while standing up just as I unlock the door. I throw my head back and curse as I realize my quick get away will be put on pause seeing as I have no way to get back to Tacoma. I frown as I lean against the door.

"I'll get Bella." I mumble.

"Hey Bella I really hate to ruin your fun but um… can you take me home?" I ask shyly as I run into her outside. She places her beer down and looks at me. I sigh and look down knowing she's scrutinizing my every move.

"I asked you if you were okay and you said you were fine. Damn it Ness, if something's wrong you have to tell me." she whispers harshly in my ear.

"Bella just take me back to fucking Tacoma." I hiss harshly back. Bella shoots me daggers and I let out a sigh of frustration.

"You know I could totally take you back to Tacoma, I was just on my way out." I look up to see a tall guy and I realize it's Seth. I smile at him appreciatively.

"Really Seth?" I ask with a wide smile on my face.

"Yeah I have to go over a buddies house to pick something up. He lives right up in that area. I was getting ready to leave." Seth says with a bright smile. Bella flashes me another pair of deadly daggers as I walk towards Seth and etch myself to stand closer to him. That's my way of signaling that I'm going with him.

Bella doesn't want me to leave, she wants me to stay and celebrate Charlie's engagement. She and I both know that's not going to happen. Seeing Jacob blew any chance of me being happy and jolly for about the rest of the month. We both know Jacob knows the perfect way to ruin my day.

"Then it's set, I'm leaving with Seth. Bye Bella. Seth could you just hold up while I say bye to Charlie." I walk over and hug a very sober Sue and a very drunk Charlie and congratulate both of them on the engagement.

"Your leaving so soon?" Sue asks worriedly.

"Yeah I have to uh do a showcase tomorrow and I need to get a good nights rest." I lie smoothly. Even Charlie's drunken state he can find the bullshit in my statement which causes him to speak on my lie.

"Your lyin" he slurs as he leans into me.

"Bye dad." I hug him one more time and then I storm off to where Seth is waiting by his car. I hop in and he gets in soon after.

"You okay?" he asks as we pull onto the 401. I nod as I turn on the radio. I mainly turn it on so we can avoid an awkward silence for the next two hours. The first hour is perfectly fine I hum mindlessly to some sappy pop song but then Seth decides to turn off the radio suddenly. I look at him quizzically and he's staring at me as if he knows exactly what I'm going through.

_Oh lord_, I think tiredly.

"Yes?" I ask wondering what advice he's going to spew.

"I know you and Jake haven't been on the best of terms these past couple of years. And I know I'm absolutely not the person to give you advice but I think I should just put my two sense in and leave it alone." Seth says with a nervous laugh.

I don't laugh along with him I just stare at him blindly.

"Okay… Jake has always been a guy who over thinks everything. Whether it's over thinking a relationship to what kind of car he should get, you name it that's just how he is. Ness he's the way he is because well with Bella she really screwed him over with that Edward guy back in high school. And whether or not you like to think it but he tried really hard to keep her. Jake is so anal now because well… with Bella he thought he could've done better to keep her." I continue to stare at Seth blindly he lets out another nervous laugh and rubs the back of his neck hesitantly.

"Jake just really likes you Ness, in fact he loves you. I haven't seen him this bent over a girl since Bella. Maybe not even then. He loves you, he cares about your well being he worries about you. I just thought you deserved to know through all the bullshit Jake puts through he really loves the fuck out of you." Seth says just as we pull up to my apartment building. I don't say anything I just get out.

I give Seth a small wave before I enter the apartment building. As I climb the stairs to the fifth floor I ponder over what Seth said.

I know Jake loves me, he just has the worst way of showing it sometimes. Pretending to have a girlfriend when he didn't would fall under the category of showing me he loves me in a terrible way. Helping me get through my pill addiction would be a great way to show he loves me.

I could go on and on on how much he cares about me. But I could also go and on on how much he is a total dick.

I throw my keys on the counter and bang my head lightly against my counter.

"Everyone is a fucking critic all of a sudden." I whisper to myself as I stand up straight.

I look at the clock to see it's six thirty. I sigh and decide to take a shower grab a bucket of ice cream and watch a _Friends_ marathon.

As I sit on the couch and watch Friends I can't help but feel a since of déjà vu like I've been in the same position before. _Oh yeah because I have, on numerous occasions in fact. _I think bitterly.

_Isn't life just grand Ness!_

Ring… Ring…

"Shit." I grumble as I roll off the couch and walk over to the kitchen to pick up my telephone. I look at the caller id and I see it's the art gallery. I scrunch my face up in confusion as I answer the phone.

"Hello?" I ask awkwardly.

"Ness, you should have been here twenty minutes ago to help set up for the Black and White showcase!" My boss screeches into the phone. I spare a glance at the clock only to see it's eight twenty. _Fuck! _I should've been at work at eight.

"Oh okay, Blake I'll be there in a few minutes! I just ran into some traffic, don't worry." I say hurriedly as I wipe off the dried up vanilla ice cream on my cheek.

"Yeah, yeah just hurry the hell up, some pieces are arriving as we speak and I'm about three people short. I need you here _now_!" Blake hangs up on me. I drop my phone and head to my room and throw on a long sleeve black dress and some black stilettos. I pull my hair into a ponytail and apply some light makeup as I throw random things into my clutch. I grab my keys off of the counter and speed down to the gallery.

Once I enter the gallery I see a very hectic scene to see movers placing pieces all over the gallery.

"Hold up! This is not how this is supposed to go. Move that painting to that wall. Oh and put that statue right there… Yes it's perfect…" I continue to direct the movers for the rest of the day until the gallery is formally set up. The artist shows up around five to see how his work is being displayed.

"This is nice." he says as he walks around.

"You sure everything is fine?" Blake asks quietly. I shake my head, Blake worries too damn much.

"It's perfect, it's exactly how I pictured it in my mind. Who came up with this set up? Was it you Blake?" the artist asks.

"No actually it was Miss Swan right here. She came up with the whole abstract idea." Blake says formally shoving me in the direction of the artist. I blush as he looks me over approvingly.

"Renesmee." I say as I pull my hand out.

"Nice to meet you, I don't think we have met yet. I'm Derek." he says with a charming smile. I let out a nervous laugh as he shakes my hand slowly. Blake clears his throat which in turns breaks Derek and mines little moment.

"So everyone should be arriving in about two hours, so we should get the last details together." Blake pulls me by my arm. I blush a deeper scarlet as Derek winks at me in a seductive way.

Blake pulls me into a corner, "Listen this is strictly business. Meaning do not flirt with the customers." Blake hisses threateningly.

"What makes you think I was flirting?" I ask sheepishly.

"Um hello you two were practically eye fucking each other." Blake's bluntness causes me to blush once again.

"Alright, chill Blake. It's not like me and Derek are going to shack up in the supply closet." I hate to say I kept that promise but I didn't. Derek and I fucked not only in the supply closet after the showcase but we had sex in his car.

Derek and I soon pursued a relationship. We were happy with each other, I genuinely liked Derek. I just didn't like him enough. It felt like something was constantly holding me back from doing anything too final with him, like taking him to see Charlie over a weekend. Or calling Mary and telling her that I'm seeing someone. Derek was my secret boyfriend. I told absolutely no one that I was dating him.

I don't know whether it was the thought that if I revealed him to anyone that it would all turn bad or if the thought of telling someone meant it would it some how find it's way back to Jacob.

Then again that's it, Jacob was the driving force for why I didn't have a successful relationship with Derek. Half of me was partying at chic clubs with Derek while the other half was longing to be sitting on the beach with Jacob.

"Ness were getting ready to catch the bouquet!" Bella squeals excitedly as she runs back over to the middle of the dance floor. I sigh and heave myself off of the comfy padded chair I was sitting on.

Charlie and Sue's wedding is the epitome of small and quaint. It was very relaxed, nothing too big and flashy. It fit Charlie and Sue's personalities perfectly. I was one of the bridesmaids meaning I was subjected to wearing a bright orange strapless sun dress. The dress isn't ugly, it just isn't my usual style.

I look around the room and my eyes land on Jacob I look away before we make eye contact. The moment he entered the chapel I went into hyperventilation mode. I gave him a quick wave and after that neither of us acknowledged the other's presence.

"Okay you ready girls?" Sue asks as she turns around in her wedding dress. The small wedding party nods eagerly and Sue chucks the bouquet over her shoulder. The girls begin to push and pull hair as they try to catch this damn flower. I just stand there lamely with my hands open. Someone ends up pushing me forward in attempt to push someone else out of the way. That little push caused me to catch the small batch of lilies.

"Whoa." I gasp as I look down at my hands.

Sue is just too tickled by the fact that I caught the bouquet.

"We all know what this means!" Bella says with a creepy eyebrow wiggle as she wraps her arms around my shoulder.

I laugh nervously and look down as I feel my blush creep up.

Everyone begins to laugh with Bella and I smile with them. I guess the concept is pretty ironic. Me the crazy neurotic, ex drug addict getting married next. That's pretty comical in itself.

The laughter dies down and the party goes back to normal as Charlie and Sue hit the dance floor for a slow jam. I sit down at an abandon table and place the bouquet next to me. I sip some untouched water and look at my happy father. The look of pure joy on his face is enough to make me die a happy women.

I don't think I've seen Charlie this happy in well… _forever!_

Suddenly a figure appears in my line of vision. I look up to see Jacob standing in front of me looking quite handsome in a tux.

"Hey." he says shyly as he looks at me.

"Hi." I whisper back. A huge lump has taken up space in my throat suddenly.

"You uh… you caught the flowers." Jacob states dryly. I laugh at his awkwardness.

"It's called a bouquet Jake." I say while slapping the flowers against his chest.

"Hey, I'm a guy how the hell am I supposed to know what a batch of flowers is called?" he says as he pulls up the chair next to me.

"You could've at least guessed." I say with a little giggle.

"How've you been. Is everything okay?" Jacob asks after a beat of silence.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm pill free if that's what you were wondering. I'm just really happy for my dad. I haven't seen him this happy in _so_ long." I say while sparing a glance at Charlie who is still slow dancing with Sue.

"Yeah he looks pretty happy." Jacob agrees. His eyes never leave mine and I look down shyly. He still has some crazy way of making me feel like a fifteen year old girl.

"You look great." he whispers. I look at him under my eyelashes and something tells me he's going to kiss me.

I lean instantly because I know I'm going to let him. Jacob's lips hit mine and I melt spontaneously. I have no clue how after nearly a year of loathing him that I can just become putty in his hands this fast. Maybe because I've been fighting the feeling of loving him for so long. Whatever it is, all I know is that I have to let him hold me.

Jacob pulls apart and smiles warmly at me.

I don't know why but that simple gesture makes me feel right at home.

**A/N: I hope the ending was satisfying enough for you! Once again sorry for making you guys wait so long for this chapter. I think I should thank **_**ilovejasper95**_** for helping me get my butt into gear. So thanks for that, also thank you for the reviews and the favorite story/author alerts! Those are always awesome to get! So thanks and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! **


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